I think when you feel the need or the passion to write, it comes from having many thoughts in your head that need to get out. Even if I didn’t have this blog, I’d have dozens of journals. I do have journals filled with my thoughts dating back to high school. I’d like to say it was to record thoughts to look back on when I get older but it really was to keep myself from going crazy. There was a time when if I didn’t write everything down, I would have been an angry, bitter person snapping at everyone. I’m sure I still had those moments but there would have been a lot more had I not had an outlet.
I don’t know if every writer does this but stories come to my mind in the form of mini-movies and I have to get them down on paper.
Sometimes I think about my life and the forks in the road and that leads to ideas for stories. Basically, if you could make money off of daydreaming, I’d be a millionaire.
Some of the forks that come to mind are these:
1. Everyone tried talking me into going out for the pom squad (that’s what it was called when I was in high school) after the whole cheer debacle. I didn’t want to be told what to do with my time anymore. I wanted to work and concentrate on college. Would I have loved it? What experiences or memories would I have had from being on the squad?
2. I visited Eastern Illinois University and Northern Illinois. I ultimately chose Northern because it was closer. What if I had chosen Eastern? Would I still have gone into education?
3. After my car accident, I wasn’t going to go back to Northern. I was going to go to the community college and decide where to go from there. Leo talked me into going back. What if I didn’t? I probably would have gotten my associate degree to teach at a daycare and done that. I think I would have been satisfied but I would have missed out on a world of opportunities.
4. When NIU had a job fair, I stopped at a booth for a district in Dallas, Texas. I was a huge Cowboys fan and thought, what the heck. After talking to the recruiter for a half hour, he offered me a job, presented me with a contract and said they’d pay for me to visit. I was so excited. Leo and I talked about it, seriously thought about moving there together and even went out to celebrate. Jobs were hard to come by back then so it was decided that if I didn’t get offered a job in Illinois, we’d do it. Not only did I get a job in Illinois but I got one ten minutes away from where I grew up and in the same district where I went to high school. What if we had gone?
5. What if I didn’t leave my job after I had Nico? Sometimes
a lot, I think that maybe I wouldn’t enable him so much. Maybe my kids would be a little more self-sufficient and a little more grateful for the time we do get to spend as a family instead of take it for granted that I am always here.
6. We were in a hurry to find a new house when we bought this house. We wanted to be moved in before Nico started first grade. Two of my sisters live in St. Charles in the same subdivision. We looked at houses in St. Charles. This one weighs heavily on me. What if we had landed in St. Charles instead of here?
7. There was a brief moment where Leo could have transferred to Dallas for work and then when he was out of work, he had some companies from all over the U.S. call him for interviews. Sometimes I think about what life would have been like on our own, so far away from our families. I was pregnant with Gia at the time so the thought terrified me at the time.
I’ll stop at lucky #7. I want to make it clear that these are not regrets. I just think about the forks in the road and what might have happened if I had gone the other way. Sometimes I imagine things happening to characters in a story and if I feel inspired, I’ll write about it. I always feel on the edge of writing one of the many stories in my head. It makes me happy.
What about you? Do you have a story in your head dying to come out? Are you doing anything about it?
Pouring it out with Shell today: