Six Thoughts for Saturday

May 4, 2013 By

When I use numbers, it’s easier for me to narrow down what I am thinking about. Otherwise, I’ll write like I talk and that is a lot.

1. I really, really love our dentist, Dr. Dykes and my kids’ orthodontist, Dr. Golden. I think they are the most trustworthy people in the dental field. Both could take us for a lot of money because what do I know about teeth? They never do things just because they can. They always do what is best for the patient. I will forever be grateful to Dr. Dykes for sending me to get my tongue looked at. It ended up a little bit of a nightmare but had I not gotten it taken care of, it could have been a lot worse. Belle and Nico both have cavities and need fillings but I am rest assured that they truly need them because he’s been watching those areas for a little bit and they haven’t gone away. Dr. Golden saw both Tommy and Isabella and said at this time, they do not need braces. I thought for sure that they were going to. Right there, $10,000 saved.

2. I am soooo behind on reading blogs. I am hoping to catch up tonight. I’m buying myself some wine to sit, read and enjoy. Please know that if you haven’t seen me around, it’s only because I am insanely busy. I try to read blogs from my phone while in carpool lines or dentist’s offices but can’t comment on them. I miss you all!

3. I need someone who has or had teenagers to please tell me how you get them to MOVE. I am very close to buying 5 alarm clocks and setting them myself to get Nico to wake up and get a move on. It is causing major issues over here, one being that I am mad at him all the time. Am I not supposed to say that? Is he going to read this years from now and feel bad? Um…I don’t really care because at the moment, he changes the atmosphere in this house. I can’t turn around and play Doc McStuffins with a smile on my face when I just finished yelling for Nico to get in the shower or do his treatment for the 5th time.

4. I need prayers that the surgeon can fit Nico’s surgery in sooner than the July 15th date they gave me. I see him on Friday and Nico sounds awful. I don’t know how to get him some relief. Meds aren’t working and unless I am up his butt, he doesn’t do what he is supposed to. In case you haven’t figured it out, Nico is a little exhausting these days.

5. We just got back from the ER. Yes, you read that right. Belle and Gia were running away from an ANT and Belle accidentally tripped Gia, who fell on her face. You know how they say the head and the mouth bleed a lot? They aren’t kidding. Blood everywhere. And after 15 years at this gig, did I stay calm? No, I did not. I panicked so much so that Nico, just like Leo kept telling me to stop freaking out and it was ridiculous to take her to the ER. Isn’t that lovely to hear from my 15-year-old when I am mid-panic? Plus I am getting no Mother of the Year award for not reassuring Belle that it was okay and was an accident. It would have helped if she didn’t call me or text me every two minutes while I was gone, with the nurse or with the doctor. When I finally talked to her and told her that it was okay and was an accident, she insisted that it was not. It was like banging my already throbbing head against a wall.

6. This week was a tough one. Leo was gone. Dentist appointments galore. Running around from one carpool to the next. Finding out the boys need surgery. A frustrated teen. Unexpected basketball games. A canceled birthday celebration (an example of walking the walk after talking the talk…your party, you help…you don’t help, no party). So, I decided that I am not going to go to any games this weekend. Leo is going to them all. And I don’t feel one ounce of guilt. Thank you L.B. for freeing me of it. My house looks like a battleground, I can’t remember the last time I washed my hair (yep, that bad of a week) and there is a headache lurking that I’m afraid if I go to any sporting events will develop into a full-blown migraine.

I’m looking forward to next week. Tomorrow is a new day with a fresh start. It seems strange already thinking of tomorrow’s fresh start when it is only 1:30 in the afternoon. Strange or sad?

What are some of your thoughts on this Saturday?

 

 

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Filed Under: chaos, Family, Gia, Odd things that happen in my family, Random Thoughts, Uncategorized 20 Comments

What Might Have Been

April 7, 2013 By

Today Rocco would have been 5 years old. I don’t know for sure if this would have been his birthday since it was only my due date but it is the only date that I have. That’s not entiredly true. I have the date I delivered him but I hate that date. That date doesn’t remind me of what could have been. That date is all about feeling my heart break in a million pieces. I am crabby around that date. Today, in the quiet of my room, I allow myself to be sad. Not for long and not enough that my kids or Leo feel it but quietly, I think of these things:

This date makes me think of a little boy with blond hair and green eyes that won’t get to be tucked in tonight.

This date makes me think of not dropping that little boy off at preschool tomorrow morning.

It makes me think of the little boy I won’t get to cuddle with and say, “Today, you are 5! You are getting too big!”

It makes me think of little league games I will miss.

It makes me think of how I won’t get to hug that little 5-year-old and smell that little boy smell (you know the one that smells like a wet dog) after he plays catch with Leo in the back yard.

It makes me wonder what being a mom of 5 kids feels like.

It makes me think of a little brother that would adore his two big brothers, be mothered by his older sister and be bothered by his little sister.

Or would they be best buds playing Legos and pretend animal games or super hero games?

Would Gia be a different kind of child if she had a sibling closer to her age?

Would I be a different kind of mom if Rocco lived?

Do I miss him? That is hard to say because he was never here.

I miss the idea of him. I live with a lot of “might have beens” and that hurts.

Sometimes I dream of him. Or at least I assume it’s him. A little blond boy with green eyes that looks like Tommy.

I hope I dream of him tonight and I hope I get to tell him that I love him because I do and I wish I could give him a hug and a kiss after I told him, “Happy Birthday.”

Rocco

 

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Filed Under: Family, Uncategorized 43 Comments

Anger Issues: Part 2-The Joys of Raising a Tween Girl

March 22, 2013 By

Yesterday, I posted about how angry I was at Nico’s teacher but it isn’t the only thing making me angry these days. I love Isabella. I have loved her since the moment I found out I was pregnant with her. I used to look at her as a baby and say, “This is why people have a lot of kids.” Everything about Isabella was easy. She gave up the bottle easily. She didn’t have a hard time giving up the binky and she went to sleep like clockwork at naps and night. She potty-trained herself. She was so easy. Sometimes I would look at her with her mass of blond curls and her big green eyes and wonder how such a beautiful little girl ended up my daughter. She was/is helpful and so eager to please Leo and me and so affectionate always crawling up on my lap to kiss or hug me.

Her eyes started out blue but turned green when she was about 3. She is two in this picture.

Her eyes started out blue but turned green when she was about 3. She is two in this picture.

And then…

The tween years hit. I could see it last year that puberty was not going to be fun with her. I mean, it is never really fun anyway and sometimes being a woman sometimes sucks but I think I might be in for it when it finally hits here.  This leads me to my second reason I am angry these days:

I am angry that Belle and I can’t get to a place where we get along for longer than ten minutes. I heard from so many moms of girls when I was pregnant with her, “You are going to love having a girl!” “Little girls are so wonderful. They play quietly with dolls and they can sit still and color and read stories and don’t roughhouse” (I had already had Nico who was ALL BOY). “Little girls like to stay neat and clean.” “You will love having a mini-you”. All of you people who told me that…YOU ALL ARE BIG, FAT LIARS!!

First of all, why would I love having a mini-me? I am stubborn, hot-tempered and procrastinate with the best of them. Back in the day I was boy crazy (in the way that I thought a lot of boys were cute, not that I dated a lot of boys…big difference) and would rather dress comfortably than fashionably (okay, that last part is not just back in the day but very much to this day). I still don’t like being teased or criticized (does anyone, really?) and only now have learned to let things roll off my back so why would I like having to deal with all of those in another person? I don’t even like dealing with them with me. My mom got her wish. She used to wish that I’d have a daughter just like me and I do. Thanks, Mom. You know what’s helping me be less stubborn, less hot-tempered and helped me to let things go? Seeing all of that in another person…one that I love with all my heart and it’s not pretty.

Second of all, neat and clean?? When she wants to be, she is absolutely neat and clean. But when she doesn’t, my darling, beautiful daughter is kind of a slob. Her room is by far the messier one. She stomps her way to the shower complaining the whole time. Arguments about finding clean clothes are a daily battle. I can’t even get mad at her because again…a mini-me. I have told her that because she has trouble deciding on an outfit to wear, she has to do it at night. The problem with that is that something happens in the middle of the night where she wakes up that morning hating what she picked out so either she goes to school crying because I make her wear that outfit or she is frantic trying to choose another. NO WIN.

Third of all, quiet? Ummm…how do I say this nicely? How about just no. No. No. My darling child goes from 0-60 reaching a sound that breaks glass and only dogs can hear. And once she gets there, there is no turning back. It doesn’t matter if Gia is sleeping. It doesn’t matter if anyone is sleeping. It doesn’t matter if we are at a store or a restaurant. It doesn’t matter. What, you might ask, gets her to that point? Two things: Nico and Tommy.

This week has been rough. I curse our school with their week before spring break activities and assignments. Why? Why? Why must we cram everything in this week? They had a book report, a quick-write (I admit, I don’t know what that is but the kids were stressing over it), and the ever-loving Greek Day (I love you, my Greek friends. So much that I almost called on you guys to come here and dress my kids).

When Nico did Greek day, I sent him to school wrapped in white sheet. That’s it and he survived. I said this to Belle when she gave me a list of 50 things she needed for her costume and her answer was, “That won’t work. I’m a girl. I need more stuff.” So, for the last two weeks, I have been running to stores finding things that she can use to make her sheet look more “Greek”. I should have just bought the damn costume at Party City for $20. Oh, and she HAD to have a lot of stuff to sell at the Greek market. In short, she and Tommy drove me crazy about this. She, more than Tommy, because Tommy listened to Nico who said, “Dude, it’s not that big of a deal.”

All of the arguing came to a head Tuesday night.

While at a party on Saturday night, Belle texted me: Mom, my book report is due Wednesday and I haven’t even started and I left my book at school. Now, how would you have responded at 8:30 on a Saturday night? I replied: Don’t worry. We’ll figure something out.

On Sunday, I went to Barnes and Noble and bought the book she needed…the book I already bought once. I “helicoptered” in rather than taught her a lesson because she had a volleyball game on Monday and Belle is prone to loooong book reports needing constant encouraging that she is on the right path. Anyway, I suggested she do a diorama since she was doing Jim Henson. I gave her some suggestions and she shot them all down as if it was the dumbest idea ever. I suggested a time-line. She said no to that as well. I walked away saying that I made some suggestions, she didn’t like them so she should choose herself. She decided she wanted to dress up and where could she get a Muppet costume? I just stared in disbelief. She chose a time-line.

I told her to do as much as she could on Sunday and not to wait until Tuesday. Long story short (even though that ship sailed a paragraph ago), she was doing it Tuesday night. I told her that I would help her until 9 and then I was going upstairs to bed. She goofed around with the boys until about 8:50 and then came and asked me to help her. I did something I didn’t want to. I went against the grain as a Mama Bear and teacher. I told her to ask her dad and I went to bed.

Tears. Loud cries of unfairness. Stomping. Begging. It.Was.Ugly.

I heard her arguing with Leo trying to get him to help while he was watching a basketball game. I heard Tommy asking her why she waited until the last-minute (his was done on Saturday night) and Nico aggravating her by telling her she was “screwed for waiting ’til now” (yes, I’m so proud). She came upstairs hysterical several times saying Leo wasn’t helping her, the computer was frozen, she didn’t know how to do the lines on the poster board, she didn’t know how it was going to fit, she didn’t know how many pictures to use and so on. Each time I sent her back downstairs. I did go downstairs and ask Leo to help her and he said he tried and that she got upset. Is it wrong that I felt better knowing it wasn’t just me?

He ended up being her hero and he helped her until she was done. Two things happened on Tuesday night. Belle learned that when I say something, I mean it and I fell in love with Leo all over again for allowing me not rescue her again. Should we have let her go to school on Wednesday without her report done to teach her a lesson? Maybe but there is something to be said about a daughter knowing her dad is there to help her out. I remember when my dad would help me with something for school. It let me know he cared, took an interest and would be there for me when I needed him. I didn’t go running to him every time I had to do something but I knew if I really needed him, he’d be there.

I think waking up early after being up late doing it was enough of a reminder not to do that again. She was CRABBY and I couldn’t help but point out to her why and how to avoid it in the future. To say that she took those words to heart and didn’t at all stomp her feet, roll her eyes or snap at me would be a lie.

Getting ready for today’s Greek Day activities has been less than fun. She procrastinated taking a shower to get her hair ready and then expected me to do it at 10:00pm. When I did, it wasn’t the way she wanted. She has gorgeous hair (that I would pay good money at a salon to get) that I could really love fixing and playing with but it doesn’t work that way. She cries when I am doing her hair saying I am hurting her (just combing it causes her to say this) so I rarely do it anymore. She didn’t like the way I was draping the sheet. She didn’t want her butt to show (it didn’t because neither did I). She didn’t know what to wear under the sheet (ANYTHING). Finally, at 10:30 she went to bed happy and I went to bed satisfied that I made her happy. I was exhausted but satisfied.

I have a feeling I am in for a lot more exhaustion and I can only pray for more satisfaction. This was not meant to be a bash on Belle. I am working on a post that tells all of the reasons why I love her so much. This is a post for all of you moms out there that might be having the same issues with your tween girls. I don’t know about you guys but I am constantly asking, ”Where is my little girl and why did she leave this tornado of emotions in her place?”

Final products of Greek Day costumes.

Final products of Greek Day costumes.

 

Edited to add that Tommy said the class talked the teacher out of the Quick-Write because of Greek Day.

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Filed Under: chaos, Isabella, Parenting, Rants, Uncategorized 18 Comments

Anger Issues: Part 1-Mama Bear

March 21, 2013 By

Can I honestly say it’s been a good week this week? No I cannot. Is it better than last week? Yes, yes it is. So that is something. If you come back tomorrow you can see Anger Issues: Part 2 and if you are raising a daughter, you won’t want to miss it.

I need to pour my heart out.

I am angry. I am angry that Nico is going to be 15 in less than a month and I am STILL arguing with teachers about letting him go to the bathroom. He is still being made to feel embarrassed by people I entrust him to. Let me be clear. His classroom teachers have been wonderful in high school. Almost all of them have been supportive. I don’t know what it is with gym teachers and Nico (with the exception of his last semester gym teacher who treated this issue like it is…not a big deal). Is it because he is an athlete and they think he is slacking? Do they expect him to go full force in practice and in gym? Probably. I mean it is high school P.E. It’s the class that is going to catapult him into Yale or Harvard. So taking three minutes to pee is really going to be a detriment to his grade and his future career plans. I don’t shout from the rooftops all that I am proud of with Nico but he does not use CF to get out of homework. He does not use it to go to school late because he is EXHAUSTED from school, practice, homework and then treatments on top of it. He wants NO special treatment. ALL he wants is to be able to quietly go to the bathroom when he needs to which unfortunately is often. He is getting mostly A’s and a few B’s and I have not heard ONE complaint about him abusing his permanent bathroom pass. Why, then do some teachers decide to give him a hard time about it???

Nico told me not having a 504 plan is better. He likes it better this way. If I thought he’d need it for more than just him going to the bathroom when he needs to, I’d push for it but he doesn’t. HE IS DOING FINE! We are blessed beyond belief that he is as healthy as he is and that it doesn’t interfere so don’t you agree that it would be ridiculous to have an education plan in place to pee? I sat in more meetings in junior high about my son being able to go to the bathroom that it was laughable. It was infuriating that with all that the schools and teachers have to do and worry about, some teachers get hung up on giving my son a hard time about going to the flipping bathroom.

His gym teachers constantly think he is using it as an excuse to get out of doing what they are doing. They see it as him being disrespectful. He’s getting an A in this class so obviously he isn’t missing that much of the class. I feel bad for him because when the teacher asked him after taking 3 minutes to pee if he thought he could just go to the bathroom anytime he wanted, Nico, knowing that he has the permanent pass that says he can said yes thinking his teacher knew. His teacher took that as back talk and told him to see him after school. Nico doesn’t get in trouble often so was upset the rest of the day, texting me telling me. I emailed the teacher (yes, I was one of “those”) and told him about the pass and said that if he felt Nico was disrespectful in any way, I’d have him apologize. He answered sounding like someone who exerted authority because he can and that Nico was avoiding the track (if Nico had done what the teacher wanted him to do, which was to go back and tell the teacher that he had to go to the bathroom and then go back to where he was in the first place, it would have taken 10  minutes instead of 3, so was he really avoiding the track?). That set off the Mama Bear in me. I said the same thing I said here and when Nico went to see him, he told him to not do it again. What was the point of that? So, he almost misses his bus home for this teacher to give him a hard time about peeing only to tell him, just don’t do it again?

Just let the kid go to the bathroom in peace! Jeez! Am I really STILL having this discussion this late in the game??

What do you think? How would you have handled it? Would you have been a Mama Bear (come out swinging) or a Mama Ostrich (head in the sand)?

You know what else adds to anger issues? Feedburner saying I lost all 78 of my subscribers. Why, Feedburner, just why?

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Filed Under: Cystic Fibrosis, Nico, Parenting, Pour Your Heart Out, Rants, Uncategorized 19 Comments

End of Year Recap: 2012

December 31, 2012 By

As I sit here at 5:00am, courtesy of Gia, a few things have occurred to me. First, Gia needs to go to bed earlier because her sleep schedule is way off. I know I keep saying it but “tough love” is in her 2013 future. Second, I should be using this time to catch up on laundry, put my house back together or read and comment on a few blogs that I am behind on. Third, this might be my last post of 2012 and I haven’t done  a recap yet so here goes:

January: There were a lot of posts with me thinking out loud and looking back it was obvious that I still loved to blog. If you feel like having a laugh at my family’s expense, click here: When a Hypochondriac and Neosporin Meet.

February: I learned the hard lesson that not everyone is going to like the blog and some people will misconstrue or misread everything I write about. I toyed with the idea of giving up blogging and then realized, I love it too much. My favorite post of that month was: Things That Shaped Me: Becoming a Teacher.

March: We didn’t go anywhere this year. Oh, wait…I did go somewhere. I went to the edge of sanity because Leo went away on business that week leaving me with the four children and a bad case of cabin fever. There were a few Spring Break posts but my favorite one was: If I had the Money.

April: April was a huge month for me with the blog. I joined the blogging world and haven’t looked back. Thanks to Shell and Ashley at Other Half Media, I expanded the blog and made some really great friends. My hope is that my writing grew as well. There were too many posts that I had fun writing but I’ll share this one: Things I Wish Someone Had Told Me.

May: May was filled with guest posts and guest posters and I started linking up with other blogs. After reading through, baseball was the reason for  a lot of chaos. One of my more popular posts and one that reitterated why I blog (to let women/men know they aren’t alone in some of their feelings and to feel not so alone): Would Meds Help? A lighter one was Things I Never Thought I’d say.

June: In June, Leo spoke up after someone under the shield of “anonymous” questioned my love and devotion to Leo. If you missed it and since he NEVER writes, it’s a good one: Leo Speaks.

July:  The post that gets the most views is the one that came from this month: 7 Reasons Being an Adult Sucks.

August: August was the month that I had the MOST perfect day. That day is still number 1 in my book. You can read it here: Memories Captured: A Perfect Day.

September: September was the month having a teen started becoming hard. There were many posts trying to work out my frustrations. I have a feeling it is going to be an ongoing thing. No Longer in the Know

October: It was another month of growing as a mom of a teenager. Helping Nico grow and mature and not be dumb. Yes, it was a busy month. I wrote a post that might prove to me more than just a post about football. Wheaton Football: A Mom’s Perspective

November: Looking back to last month, there was a lot of chaos. Through it, though, we managed to do a few nice things for others: http://tidbitsqueenchaos.com/2012/11/so-close.html I took time to think about what I am truly thankful for: http://tidbitsqueenchaos.com/2012/11/22-reasons-to-give-thanks.html

December: After three months of feeling like family-time was falling by the wayside, this month was about instilling new traditions and revisiting old ones. This was my favorite post from that month: http://tidbitsqueenchaos.com/2012/12/essence-of-now-memories-in-the-making.html

 

As 2012 comes to a close, I just want to say THANK YOU to all the readers, followers and commenters. I love that you are here and I appreciate that you give a little of your time to be with me in all this chaos. I would hope that this next year would have less chaos but first, we both know that isn’t going to happen and second, what would I have to write about? 2012 was the year I really put myself out in the blogging world and I am so glad that I did!

HAPPY NEW YEAR! May this year bring all of us good health, a few financial windfalls, children who behave, husbands who help, yoga pants that make us lose weight the more we wear them and more good than bad in the world!

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Filed Under: chaos, Family, Family Fun, Holidays, Parenting, Uncategorized 23 Comments

Chaos Stops For Nothing

December 20, 2012 By

If I am friends with you on Facebook and you were on it yesterday, you might have seen this status from me:

Wow. Just wow. It’s a patio not a meth lab. In the grand scheme of things, this is what we worry about?

I am not usually a vague poster on FB. I usually just post my blog or a question about local things on my personal page and on the blog page, I’ll post my blog links and sometimes stuff involving Leo or the kids. Let me back up a moment so you can fully understand why I posted this as my status.

Leo left for a business trip at 6am yesterday morning. I made sure he left me a charger for my phone and as it turns out, I should have checked a few more things. Nico woke up feeling sick again so it was decided that he would stay home again. With everything else going on, I thought it was insignificant to discuss that Belle tested positive for the flu on Saturday and the doctor put them all on Tamiflu. Belle was home on Friday and Monday. Tommy came home on Monday, Nico came home on Tuesday and was home again yesterday.

Tommy yelled down at about 8am for me to check his 5 paragraph essay before I printed it out. Now, if you read this, you know that checking 5 paragraph papers in the midst of morning chaos isn’t going to be a good thing. As I looked for the computer that his paper was on, I realized that…yes…Leo took it with him to Toronto. Tommy freaked out as I emailed his teacher. Belle freaked out because she needed to work on her paper on that computer. Two freak outs and it was only 8:00.

Then, Belle…my sweet Belle. She came downstairs to see if the Elf came. My friends, I suck on so many levels at the Elf stuff that just when I thought her status rivaled the Tooth Fairy’s as the forgotten magic maker, I manage to suck a little more. I have a Target bag full of stuff from the dollar part to have the Elf leave. I forgot to move her and leave something (forget about answering her letter or even eating the candy that was left…there wasn’t time). I grabbed two things and threw them under the tree. Belle came up and said, “Um…it’s great that KiKi came but um…these chapsticks are open and I think used. You left me open chapsticks.” I looked in horror and yes…yes I did. My answer to her was, “I didn’t leave anything. KiKi did.” If she is going to play that game, I am going to play it right back. Ugghhh…30 years from now when she is in therapy, I fully expect how bad I sucked at the Elf to be a topic that comes up. I mean…I left my daughter used chapsticks as a gift from the Elf.

They went off to school and I got a phone call from Nicor gas. There was a problem with our bill. Why? Why when Leo is not here does that happen? I left him a nasty text (this making a world a better place did not include mad texts to the hubby) and he said he’d take care of it. I need to be more Lynette Scavo and less June Cleaver. I know. I am working on it. *Edited to add that it was Nicor’s mistake.

Nico let me know that his raffle ticket money for basketball was due today. It’s hard asking people for money around the holidays. So guess what that meant? I had to buy the tickets that he did not sell which was $100 worth. Can I ask why the sports people don’t just tell us that it will cost $350 for our kid to play and to give them a check in the beginning instead of want money a week before Christmas? Oh, to stress us out? Well, then they are succeeding. Okay, so next year, I’ll know this and allocate that much money but that doesn’t help me right now, today…a week before Christmas.

I was sitting and talking to Nico over lunch when I saw (and may lightning strike me if I am lying), a truck come to a screeching halt in front of my house. I said to Nico, “Uh oh, someone is mad.” And that someone marched (I swear, I am not exaggerating) up my driveway and banged on my door. When I opened my door, I was greeted by the inspector from our village and he immediately started yelling (okay, maybe not yelling so much as talking in a raised voice) about an “illegal patio” and “property lines” and “permits” and blah, blah, blah. He ordered the men to stop working and said he’d be back in a half hour and if they weren’t gone, I was “in big trouble and will be fined”. He might have said some other things but I cut him off and with a shaky voice (I am a rule follower and getting into trouble makes me feel like I am 10 years old again) said, “I’ll take care of it. Calm down.”

He saw that he was being a complete asshat and apologized letting me know that it was his day off so he was aggravated to have to come to my house to tell me of my “illegal” activities (okay, I made up the illegal activities part). Well, guess what, Buddy? This is no picnic for me either. Blame the big tattle tale in the neighborhood. Speaking of which, it is an awful feeling not knowing who ratted you out. There was a blue car that drove slowly past my house about 5 times yesterday with an elderly man in it craning his neck to look at my yard. It freaked me out a little and made me mad so I went and stood on my walk way and stared back at him. He left and I didn’t see him again but it felt very “Big Brother watching”. In 42 years, other than drink when I was in college and not yet 21, I have never done anything illegal and THIS is what I get in trouble for? An illegal patio. Wow.

After mad, little inspector guy left, I had to go tell the two guys in back that they had to stop working and that they had to leave. In moments of panic, which I was in, I forget all the Spanish I know and am reduced to what I know from Dora which is pretty much colors and numbers. So I did what every smart person does. I spoke louder and slower in the language that they still didn’t understand. When that didn’t work, because why would it, I started to act out what I wanted them to do. I looked like a complete idiot. That and what they saw when they busted me doing Zumba should solidify their opinion of the American housewife which is I am sure that we are nut jobs…and they aren’t wrong.

They left after the boss guy came and said he’d take care of it. I don’t know what that means but I hope Leo is home when it happens.

In this digital age that we live in, I did what any freshman girl would do…not just any freshman but a scorned freshman…I posted a nasty status on Facebook.  I got some support from friends and neighbors and then I did say this:

 I do find it funny that a lot of dogs can freely take a crap on my yard and no one gets in trouble but I try and make my yard look nice and they are all over me. I also said something about not having the time to care about what others are doing to their own house.

Why in the world do people care what the Hell anyone does to their own houses? I can see in the front. Fine, I’ll give you that but in a fenced in yard? C’mon, people…get a life (wow, I haven’t used that phrase since a a floor monitor took my id for belting out George Michael’s “I Want Your Sex” back in college in 1989 and no, it wasn’t just me. It was a group of us. We were wild like that). After a friend (thanks D.W.) helped me look up codes and rules and whatever of this town, I saw that just about everyone I know has innocently broken one of their rules in the interest of making their house a nice place or even a functional place to live. We are supposed to register if we want to work on our own house for anything. We are lucky they aren’t fining us all over the place for mowing our lawn because “A homeowner engaged in constructing, altering, or repairing his/her personal residence or lot shall not be considered a contractor and should fill out the Home Owner’s Letter of Intent.” How many of us have repaired things in our “personal residence” and didn’t think twice? Hmmm…maybe that is why Leo never fixes anything. He is just following these dumb rules. Rules that I am sure no one reads or follows. I don’t care if it is just a formality. It’s a pain in the ass. It’s just like when I was younger. Everyone was doing things we weren’t supposed to and not getting caught but I knew that if I did, I’d be the one that would get caught. Over 40 years later, it still holds true.

I had to go to my mom’s to pick up the raffle tickets that are due today and then I went to Target to pick up the rest of Nico’s very expensive flu medicine and had the high hopes of doing a few good deeds. I really wanted to feel good after having the day I had. Let me tell you, people are mean. There were at least three people who were just awful. I wanted to ask one woman if her face would crack if she smiled because I made the unfortunate decision to walk next to her and smile at her. She scowled at me. I tried smiling at the crabby man who tsked me when my cell phone rang with my kids on the other end and I had to stop to answer it but he was not going to be smiled at. I wanted to ask the very nasty woman whose cart I accidentally touched when both our carts were going down an aisle (in opposite directions) if she thought rolling her eyes and pinching her lips together was a good look or even necessary but I did not. I, instead, bought a gift card with the intention of leaving it. The guy at the register looked at me like I had five heads so I chalked it up to it not being the right time or right person and went home. Now I wonder, find a different cashier or tape it to a box of diapers with a note that says “Merry Christmas from Santa”?

It shouldn’t be that hard to do something nice.

Alison from Writing, Wishing, if you are reading…my ordinary is definitely back. Whether I want it to or not, chaos stops for nothing.

 

 

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A Few Things to Make the World a Better Place

December 19, 2012 By

Moving forward is proving to be really hard. I had a few comments on my last post about how we have to move forward and since life doesn’t give us a choice, why not move forward making the world a better place? I think that is a great idea. There are a bunch of people who are going to do a random act of kindness for each life lost and again, I think that is a great idea. Instead of focusing on the evil of the world (which I admit, I am having a hard time not thinking about), I am going to try to shift my thinking to see what good in the world can still be done. Instead of focusing on political agendas and pointing the finger as to what caused the evil, I am going to believe that if everyone started living their life being a better person, good would prevail. I know it is not that simple but the only thing I can control in a situation that feels pretty out of control is me so that is where I am going to start.

A few to get me started:

  • Smile. It sounds so simple but I think about how often I forget to smile at someone while passing them by at Target or at the schools. When someone smiles at you, it makes you feel like you matter, that you are special. I am going to start telling people that they matter by smiling at them.

 

  • Today when I am at Target (because you know I will be), I am going to let someone go in front of me while in line. It’s an easy one to do but so often we are in such a hurry that we are oblivious to others around us. Giving someone the gift of time by letting them spend less in line might make them smile more.

 

  • I’ve always had a sort of little fantasy of purchasing a gift card from whatever store I was at and leaving it with the cashier to give to the third person behind me. That way I have enough time to get out of the store without the person knowing it was me. It has got to feel amazing to be someone’s angel.

 

  • I’m going to really pack up all of the toys that Gia doesn’t play with anymore and donate them to a daycare center or GoodWill.

 

  •  I’m going to pack up the books (and there are a ton) and donate them to my kids’ classroom and their teacher can decide how to distribute them.

 

  • I’m going to send my kids’ teachers an email thanking them for all that they do. It is the easiest thing to do and something that goes a long way in making someone feel good.

 

  •  This might not make the whole world a better place but it will make life in this house for five other people a little better. I am going to say yes to almost everything for a whole da (sleepovers not included). “Mommy, come build a tower.” “Yes.” “Mom, can you watch my dance?” “Yes.” “Mom, can I call a friend?” “Yes.” “Mom, can I prove to you that I can make good choices?” “Yes.” “Is it okay if I go out and watch the game with a few buddies?” “Yes.” (This makes me wonder how many of Leo’s friends read this and are going to call him up with an invite?)

 

  • I’m going to have more patience when I drive so as not to spew out so much negativity into the world and on the roads (I have issues here). I am going to remember that the person driving in front of me is someone’s grandparent, someone’s young driver or distracted because life is full of distractions and it doesn’t help to swear yell at them (not that I have ever done that and usually never in front of my kids).

 

  • I am going to be a model of kindness for my children so that they see that being kind is much better than being mean. While on the subject of this, why, when the world is mean enough, do siblings insist on being the meanest to each other? I won’t give up but it is tiresome trying to teach them that as a family, we need to build each other up and not tear each other down. Even as I type that I think it would be nice if society as a whole did that.

 

  • I am going to watch what I say because words have power. They have the ability to make someone’s day or ruin someone’s day. I am going to choose the former.

 

  • The biggest thing I can do to make this world a better place is stay in the trenches while raising productive, compassionate, thoughtful citizens of this world. I will hold them accountable for their actions. I will tell them no (except for the few days I deem “yes” days”) so that they understand that you don’t always get what you want. I will make it my life’s work to help them be the very best that they can be without them thinking the world revolves around them. I will make myself aware of what they are doing and teach them right from wrong. As hard as it will be, I will parent them.

 

And then I will pray because I can’t do it alone.

What about you? What can you do to make this world a better place? More ideas can only help.

 

Linking up with Shell:

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Song Lyric Game

December 12, 2012 By

Last week I did a post on song lyrics that inspired a blog post. Since music plays such a big part in my life, I thought I’d extend it a little further. I thought I’d share some lyrics that mean a lot to me and then I thought it would be fun to see if you could guess the songs they come from. I’ll post the answers at the end of my next blog post.

1.

“Some hang on to used to be

Live their lives looking behind

When all we have is here and now

All our lives

Out there to find


The road is long

There are mountains in the way

 But we climb a step every day”

This song was our wedding song and I used to joke that I was going to have the “mountains” that were in our way hold up pictures of mountains but decided that was no way to behave at a wedding or start a marriage. I didn’t know at the time how many mountains we were going to climb but since I try to take it day by day, I think it is fitting. I love the line about all we have is here and now because we can’t change the past, don’t know the future and all we really have any say in is the here and now.

2.

“The smile on your face lets me know that you need me

 There’s a truth in your eyes sayin’ you’ll never leave me

The touch of your hand says you’ll catch me if ever I fall”

I hear this song and it instantly reminds me of  Leo. He is a man of very few words but he gets said what he needs to. He’s been like that from the time I met him.

3. 

All that I’m after is a life full of laughter

As long as I’m laughing with you

 And I think that all that still matters is love ever after

After the life we’ve been through

I’ve decided that all I really want is to laugh a lot. Sure, more money, lost pounds, children that behave would be nice but as long as I continue to laugh, I think I’m good. That’s the one thing I can say about Leo…he might drive me bat s*** crazy a lot of the times and I might have more “Ally McBeal moments” with him in my head (you know the things holding a pillow over his head you imagine doing that you would never actually do) than I would like but he is seriously the funniest person I know.

4.

“And the risk that might break you

Is the one that would save

A life you don’t live is still lost

So stand on the edge with me

Hold back your fear and see

Nothing is real til it’s gone”

That’s a great lyric, if you ask me. I am not a risk-taker and I am thwarted by fear a lot. There is nothing more real than when you realize what should have been or could have been but it’s too late, the opportunity is gone or the person you loved is gone.

5.

“‘Cause you can’t jump the track, we’re like cars on a cable

 And life’s like an hourglass, glued to the table

No one can find the rewind button, girl.

So cradle your head in your hands…”

This song is on a constant track in my head whenever I am in a funk. Sometimes I think it wouldn’t be so bad to jump off track. Not like in front of the train but just to a new one on a different path. And I think a lot of us would like a rewind button, like when it’s one of “those” mornings or we spend the nights yelling for our kids to go to bed. Or we look at our teen and wonder how he got so big so fast.

Challenge: I am willing to bet no one will know the songs to the next ones (well, a few might but I don’t know if they read this). No fair googling it.

“I don’t want to live

To waste another day

Underneath the shadow of mistakes I made”

What a loaded lyric that is. I am slowly letting go of thinking that I did something to cause the infertility or the boys having CF or Rocco dying (if you are new here, you can find these posts under the tab of Popular Posts).

 

“Got two reasons why I cry away each lonely night

First one’s named sweet AnnMarie

And she’s my heart’s delight”

Okay, so in the song, I think it is spelled “Annemarie” but who cares? It says my name and who doesn’t like a song that has your name in it? And it’s a reason that he cries away at night AND she’s his heart’s delight! Love that part. Reminds me of a time that was less about being responsible and more about having fun.

 

So tell me, how did you do? There is a little bit of everything (no rap, sorry). Did you guess all the songs the lyrics go with?

 

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Giving Back This Season

December 4, 2012 By

The biggest lesson that I am trying to instill in my kids is that Christmas is about giving, not receiving. I am always looking for ways to help me with this lesson. Really, between Leo and me and the grandparents, they want for nothing. Ok, they might want for things I think are not okay for kids their age but for the most part, they want for nothing.

Knowing that I am always looking, a friend of mine emailed me the following information. I thought I’d post it in case you all were looking for something to do with your kids (or if you, yourself were looking). It is not something local. Anyone can do it and since it benefits the Make a Wish Foundation (my boys have been approached a few times but we have declined) which is such a great charity, the thought was that we could help this little girl.

I did not receive any compensation for posting this. It is just a way for more letters to be written to support a little girl, named Gabriella, who has been dealt a rough hand in life and would like to do something nice for someone else. It costs nothing more than a postage stamp to do so I hope you will join me. :)

What are some other ways you like to teach your kids about the giving side of the holidays?

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Sleepless Nights

November 28, 2012 By

No one said it was going to be easy. What would be easy would be to give up, to look the other way. I bet I’d get a good night sleep if I did that. It’s not in my nature. I am an analyzer. A worrier.

So as I sit here at 1:40am watching RuPaul’s Drag Race. If you are wondering why it’s because I came upon this show while watching Interview With a Vampire. Back in the day, say early 90′s, I was a HUGE Brad Pitt fan. It was during his long hair phase. What is with me with that? Anyway, this show was on after and I got sucked in. First, it was a show that couldn’t be further from my reality and second, I am fascinated by the fact that these men are better than I am at doing both their hair and makeup.

Anyway, I sit here watching bad TV and I worry. I worry about this world that we are raising our kids in. I worry about whether my kids will come out  of it relatively unscathed. I worry that the relationships I have built with my them will whittle away in the face of their growing up. You know the “tighter you hold onto something, the more it wants to get away” kind of thing. I worry about influences and temptations that they will face. I worry that I’ll never sleep again. Soundly anyway. I worry about their happiness. To be honest, I worry about a whole lot of things I didn’t think I was going to ever worry about. That’s not true. I knew I’d worry, just not to this extent.

And then I pray because I don’t know what else to do. I tell myself that God loves my children more than me and that if I trust in Him, they will be okay because He wants them to be okay. It’s in God’s hands. And then I worry because I know you are suppose to give your worries to God and let it go and I can’t let them go.

That is so much easier said than done, though.

I struggle with always looking back. Analyzing choices and experiences. I can’t help it. I think back to a simpler time, when my worries were different. Back to when I worried about Nico playing on a baseball team with none of his friends. Back to when I worried about Belle not being able to say her “r” sound. Back to when I worried about Tommy going over to friends’ houses and remembering to take his enzymes. Back to when I worried when Gia would walk (she didn’t until she was 14 months old). Now it is choices of girlfriends, being a good friend, being accepted and potty training/sleeping on her own that I worry about.

I sit here at 2:00am and there is a mental checklist going on in my head:

Tomorrow…late arrival. That equals chaos in this house.

Gia has ballet. It’s been two weeks since she has been there. Where in the world is her stuff?

I should have done the laundry today. Do the kids have clean, warm clothes?

This house is upside down and the cleaning lady is coming on Thursday. Leo was off today and yesterday and with the intention of Christmas shopping, the house stuff took a backseat.

When am I going to put out the Christmas decorations?

When will I start seeing results from watching what I eat and exercising?

When will I stop worrying about every single thing I eat?

I have to kick it in gear with Christmas shopping. Shopping with Leo was a major fail (so tired of looking at one item for a half hour and then not buying it).

Tommy’s done. Gia is almost done. Nico is half done. I haven’t even started Belle (she just got her list to me).

When will I dig in my heels and help Gia to fall asleep on her own?

I can’t forget to sign Belle up for dance. She’ll be crushed if I miss the sign up.

Is Nico getting the things I keep telling him or is he just telling me what I want to hear?

This weekend is going to be a nightmare and I’m losing sleep at how I am going to juggle everything we have going on. Belle might have practice, Nico has to film the varsity game and Tommy has a practice game on Friday. Belle has state all morning, Nico has a game and Tommy has 3 games on Saturday during the day. Saturday night I have to figure out how to get Nico to a party and back which wouldn’t be that big of a deal but it is about 20 minutes away. Sunday, Tommy has another game. I’m tired just thinking about it, let alone doing it.

The thing is, if you are thinking that I should slow down or let some things go, that’s just it, I am up most nights trying to figure out how.

 

Pouring my heart out and linking up with Shell at Things I Can’t Say.

 

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