I Misplaced My Cape

May 1, 2013 By

Yesterday had all the potential in the world of being one of those days where everything went right. I could have been the hero that my children looked at with admiration at the end of the day. One that they would look back on and say, “That was a great memory”. It started a little shaky when Gia woke up at 5:30am and wanted to go downstairs and eat at 6:00. That is really early for Gia (and me). Gia and Tommy were the only ones going to school at the normal time so I went about making lunches and getting everybody up and showered. Nico and Isabella had an orthodontist appointment.

Immediately, Belle started in with a stomach ache. Nico complained that he didn’t feel good and that his throat was killing him. Just once, I’d love to wake up, have the kids jump out of bed, get themselves ready and not complain about some ache or pain. I think I have a better chance of Gia reading War and Peace right now at age 3 than that ever happening.

Everyone got to school on time and we got to the ortho early. While waiting for the kids to be called back, Nico saw on Twitter that the high school had another fire happen (it turned out to be an experiment that generated a lot of smoke causing the alarms to go off). The last time which was on his birthday, the day was a wash and he was mad that I didn’t excuse him. He kept checking to see what was going on and when he said that everyone was on the football field, I made the mistake of saying, “Maybe we should go get your permit instead of having you miss another day” so I am sure that all thoughts of returning to school flew out the window.

It turns out that Isabella doesn’t need braces at the moment. I love our orthodontist. I love that he is the most trustworthy dentist that I have ever encountered. I never get the feeling that he does things just because he can. I feel like he really looks at each kid and thoughtfully thinks about how he can help or whether he can help. Sometimes it is yes and sometimes it is no. For both Tommy and Belle, he says to wait and he thinks some of the issues will work their way out. I love that he could have made $10,000 and instead saved me that money. I am pretty sure Belle will end up needing them but she doesn’t right now. Yay! The day was off to a great start!

You would think that Belle would feel better after she found out she didn’t need braces but she worked herself up in such a state of anxiety that her stomach still hurt and then her head hurt from having to keep her mouth open for so long. It didn’t make sense to me to bring her back to school, only to have her call me to come get her when I had to get Tommy at 2 for his doctor’s appointment (yes, all the appointments on the one day a week when I can do what I want because Gia is in school).

We decided to take Nico for his permit which had me really nervous because it is about a half hour away and we all know how crazy the DMV can be and I needed to pick Gia up around 1:15. We got there to see a HUGE line out the door. I looked at Nico and said, “Forget it.” He claimed the line was moving fast so we stood there for about five minutes before someone graciously told us we were in the wrong line. From that point on, it went pretty fast. He passed and got his permit so see, should be a great day. One for the books.

It was all downhill from there.

We had plenty of time to get some lunch so we celebrated at a Mexican restaurant that I really like near Gia’s school. I don’t know if we were wearing an invisibility cloak or gave off the vibe that we had all afternoon but it took forever for our waiter to do anything. Oh, and in case you are wondering, going for Mexican food with a kid that already had a stomach ache is probably license to hear complaining for the rest of the afternoon. We made it just in time to get Gia. She was thrilled to see Nico and Belle. It was cute because she can be pretty mean to Nico so to see her rush into his arms made my heart squeeze a little.

We got home with about 15 minutes to spare before we had to get Tommy so I let Nico drive around the block. He did fine but I can already see myself being annoying with “Brake…okay…brake…brake” and I am hoping I hid that I felt like throwing up the whole time.

I left to get Tommy from school with Gia and Belle. My sister, LeeAnna, was meeting me at the doctor’s office because she lives over there and was going to watch the girls. I called the school earlier to tell them that I was picking Tommy up at 2. I went in and they called him again. I had to run back out to the car because I left the girls in it while I ran to get him. And then I waited and waited. I ran back in the school and still no Tommy. He was called down again and they said he was on his way. And then I saw my son, my lovely son, sauntering as slow as could be down the hall. I was like a crazy person motioning for him to hurry up with what I am sure was a mean, crazy lady face.

And off we went to the office that was FAR. Catching every stop light and getting stuck in construction. Gia thankfully fell asleep. I made pretty good time and was only 10 minutes late. The funniest part of the whole thing was I jumped out of my car yelling to my sister that I didn’t care if she waited or left or did whatever. She looked stunned as Tommy and I ran into the office. I texted her to just leave my keys in the car if she took the girls. She texted back that she was going to her house and the keys were in Gia’s seat. We made plans for me to pick up the girls after 6:30 when I picked Nico up from Driver’s Ed. And then…

We waited…and waited…and waited. It became clear to me in a moment of panic that I wasn’t going to make it back in time to get Nico to Driver’s Ed. I texted a friend whose son is also in the class and she said if Nico could get a ride to her house, her neighbor would take him. I texted a bunch of friends and with everyone’s schedule as crazy as mine, no one was around or was around after I told him to start walking or ride a bike. One friend even offered to call her older son to see if he was around.

My friend, Kim texted that she could take him so I called him and did he answer? No, he did not. He called me right back, aggravated because he was on his bike. I called Kim back and said nevermind, he was on his bike. Nico called me back not even two minutes later and said that the bike broke and that he was at CVS. He might have muttered a bunch of curse words and I can’t even say anything because he gets that from me and I was muttering the same because someone tell me what are the odds of that? I called Kim back and asked if she could please go get him and told her to just leave the bike. I don’t care about the damn bike.

She texts me: CVS?

I text back: That’s what he said but who knows with him. I’ll double-check.

She texts: Are you sure not Walgreens?

I call Nico. He doesn’t answer. I am sweating. The doctor comes in and says Tommy doesn’t look great and he wants to scope him. He sprayed numbing spray and said, “We’ll look in a few minutes.” I call Kim and she said she had Nico and they have no idea whose bike it is that he grabbed. We have a bunch in our garage from kids who left them there. Leave it to Nico to grab one that wasn’t his. He said he did because since it wasn’t, it wouldn’t be a big deal to leave it at his friend’s. Teen logic.

Nico calls me panicked because he just realized he needed his folder for class. Where is his folder? In my car all the way in Geneva. Where is he? Wheaton. I tell him that I’m sorry but there isn’t anything I can do other than drop it off when I get done.

The doctor scoped Tommy and the polyps in his sinuses are bad and he needs surgery. I tell him that Nico, who was supposed to have an appointment but had Driver’s Ed, has the same issues. He said when I schedule Tommy’s surgery, to just go ahead and schedule Nico and we can do it the same day. He wants to see Nico, of course but is pretty sure he’ll need it. Great. Nico called me one more time and I swear this is what he said:

Nico: Where are you??

Me: I am still at the doctor with Tommy.

Nico: What are you still doing there??

Me: You and Tommy both need surgery.

Nico: I get that but why in the heck are you still there?? I need my folder. When are you leaving??

Me: When I’m done here.

Nico: Maaaaa!

I hung up. He began rapid-fire texting me that he had a test and needed his notes and his instructor was being a jerk and making him write a paper about why it is important to come prepared to class and whether he is taking it seriously. The last text was “I’m for sure going to fail. Thanks a lot.”

I picked up the girls from my sister’s so that I wouldn’t have to drive out to St. Charles later and raced back to Wheaton trying to get his folder to him. Tommy texted him that we were almost there and he texted back: Too late. I brought it anyway, went to Target because I had to (I really wanted Pina Colada mix with the alcohol already in it but they didn’t have it) and went home and ordered a big, deep dish LouMalnati’s pizza.

He came home not feeling well but passed his test. Oh, and fought me on whether he needs surgery or not.

So instead of being Super Mommy, I must have misplaced my cape. I take comfort in that I am still the reigning queen of chaos, though.

Did I mention that Leo has been gone since Monday on a business trip?

Did this post feel like it went on forever? Because that is EXACTLY how it felt going through it yesterday.

And how has your week been?

 

 

 

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Filed Under: chaos, Odd things that happen in my family, orthodontists healthy snacks, Parenting, Rants 17 Comments

Hi, My Name is Mrs. Crabbypants

April 17, 2013 By

Here we go again. Shockingly, I am crabby. Call this a rant. Call this blogging angry. Call it “glass half-empty”. Whatever.

Yes, I woke up yesterday and today and thanked God that I am alive and that my family and friends are all safe and sound but what in the Hell is wrong with the world we live in?? It’s like we finally crawl out of the hole of thinking this world is shit from the last tragedy only to go reeling again from a new one. My heart is heavy and prayers continue to be said for the people who were affected by the bombs in Boston.

If we let the fear of what is happening in the world stop us from living, then the evil of the world wins. I get that but I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t scared. Scared of the world that I brought kids into. Scared and saddened that each time something like this happens, a little bit of their innocence is taken. First it was that they couldn’t play outside without the threat of someone kidnapping them. Then it was school shootings, then it was movie theater shootings, then more school shootings, now it is places where there are thousands of people gathered. Trying to protect our kids in today’s world is a daunting task. With my kids, I am doing what most are and that is focusing on the good in the world. The people who ran toward the blasts to help those hurt, the police and fireman and paramedics that responded without any hesitation for their own safety.  There is still good in the world, I know but inside, my heart is breaking and my mind is screaming, “What is wrong with people??”

I know my problems are small but they are still my problems and they are making me crabby.

Nico is taking driver’s ed. He had his first class and I sat there thinking, I AM NOT READY FOR THIS! I don’t even know how we are going to fit driving time in our schedule. And knowing how Nico is with everything else, he is going to be relentless about wanting to drive and originally I thought, Who cares? Leo will do it anyway. But my dear, oldest son informed me that he wants to only go with me. He said he feels more comfortable with me. Huh. So with everything else, I am the mean parent but with driving, I am the nice parent? How in the world did I screw myself over with that one? See, I don’t want to deal with it. I would just like him to learn with Excel, have Leo take him out and poof…he’s a driver with a license that can cart his and his siblings’ rear ends where they want to go. No such luck and that makes me crabby.

I am one unemptied Target bag away from being on my way to a Hoarders episode. The laundry is piled so high, Gia keeps using it as her inside rock climbing wall. My four children do NOT put anything away and their clothes are all over the house as if the entire house is their own personal closet and then they wonder why I go ballistic when they ask me where something is. Open your eyes and walk the house, Kids, and you might find what you are looking for. Baseball season has hit so there are no meals being made, only fast food eaten at hours that they should be in bed. Since they aren’t in bed when they are supposed to be, that means my nights are even longer so if I want any downtime at all, I have to stay up later which makes me tired which…yes, you guessed it…makes me crabby.

The biggest reason I am crabby is that Nico has a tournament in Indiana this weekend. I am so thrilled for him because he is so excited and I am excited to see him play. The tournament itself is not making me crabby. Ready for this? I have to drive there by myself with the four kids. Just typing that makes me feel panicky. Why, you ask? Where is Leo? Oh, yeah…that’s right. It’s the poker club night and there is some bullshit about it being the championship game and blah, blah, blah! We are already going to Vegas because he was in the top three so I really, really don’t care about him placing first. Maybe that makes me a jerk or unsupportive and so be it.

I’m trying to think of this as an adventure or at the very least, something to blog about when I’m done but it’s not working. I resent the poker club. I hate it. I hate that I have to do this with the kids by myself and it is making me mad at Leo. I don’t care how much money placing first gives him. I DON’T CARE! It’s not worth it. I mean if it meant we could move or even that I’d get a new car or even that I could go to Bloggy Boot Camp next month in Charlotte, then yes, I’d say I’ll suck it up and do it alone but IT DOES NOT. It doesn’t mean a hill of beans (okay, I felt about 80 when I said that). It only means that I am driving 3.5 hours with 4 kids. I can’t even follow anyone because it will stress me more out when my kids have to stop every half hour to pee or when I have to pull over because Gia is screaming because she hates the car. Plus driving in traffic freaks me out. Well, driving in traffic doesn’t but merging on the highway in traffic does. Wait…what am I saying? If I am stuck in traffic, it means I am stuck with my four kids in a small space and what if they have to pee or worse like they usually do? So yes, driving in traffic DOES freak me out! Not to mention that the only way Gia will not cry is by listening to Beauty and the Beast on CD and I have come to hate every song and the story itself because it drives me insane to hear it over and over again. I think I need to stop talking about this before I go into a full-blown panic.

Oh, and Leo, I hope you are reading this (and you will because I am going to send it to you and then read it out loud when you get home) because on the way back…you are driving the van and I am driving your car. Oh, yeah…it’s happening.

Amazing, I always say not to blog angry but I’m feeling less crabby already.

 

What about you? There seems to be a blogging funk going around. I am hoping that you find some humor in my crabbiness because what I think the world needs right now is to keep moving on and keep laughing otherwise we might all end up crying. Keeping Boston in my prayers today.

 

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Filed Under: basketball, Leo, Nico, Rants, What is wrong with the world? 44 Comments

Things I Want to Punch

April 5, 2013 By

I know. That’s a very aggressive title and it sounds like I am in a really angry place and that is only a little true. I am not always in this angry place…just when I have to deal with these things. See, I said THINGS, not people although…

 

Anyway, the THINGS that I want to punch:

1. My Garage. My garage has a mind of its own. It goes up when it wants and it goes down when it wants. Sometimes the garage door opener works and sometimes no matter how many times I hit it, it won’t work. I especially want to punch it when I am running late and I have to get out of my car to go in and hold the button down, lift the other garage door and then shut it with the code. It’s punch-inducing for sure.

2. My Heat: I am going to own this one because I should have just picked up the phone and called someone a long time ago. I have let Leo deal with this and so what I am doing is still having to walk downstairs throughout the day to flip the switch to turn it back on. At night, I shove gently wake him to tell him to go do it and he never complains. Why? Because it’s his fault it isn’t fixed. He keeps telling me he’s going to do it, we had someone out to look at it and this is the result. I know he is just waiting for warmer weather so he doesn’t have to deal with it.

3. My Phone. I hate my phone and it hates me. It’s slow to text. It force closes when I’m in the middle of something and the latest is that while I was playing a word game (4Pics 1 Word), a really disgusting picture of porn flashed on my screen. Why? Why did that happen and what if one of my kids was playing that? It was disgusting and I swear, I felt violated and afraid to use my phone after that. Plus, when I tried to get rid of it, it would not go away. Maybe it’s a virus. Who knows? I am counting the days until I get a new one which should be soon.

4. My Toaster. Up until about two months ago, I had the same toaster I registered for when I got married. That’s a lot of mileage for a toaster (16 years). We got a new one when it died and since then, I have not had a decent piece of toast. I’ve played with the dials. I’ve stood and watched it work and still, I get burnt toast or toast that is not done. There is no in-between at all. None. Bread to burnt. That’s it. I know punching it is harsh but when you only have two pieces of french toast left and that is all your child wants to eat and you turn away for a second to tell your older children that just because the sun is out doesn’t mean they can wear shorts, a tank top and flip-flops and suddenly you have burnt french toast, a crying 3-year-old and a crappy morning.

5. My DVR. For not recording Project Runway and in its place recording some poker tournament or the 75th episode of Berenstain Bears. I know this is my fault for not changing the priority thing but I kind of wish it knew how much more exciting PR is than poker. :)

6. My Car. It’s probably not good karma to complain about my car since I depend on it so much but slowly things are breaking down in it. I can’t move the seat back and forth easily and if you know Leo and me, you know that he is a whole foot taller than me (and then some) so he can’t really drive where I have the seat and vice versa so it is so frustrating that when I am running late (do you see a pattern here?), the seat won’t budge. The other thing is it’s the worst when I get Gia buckled in and walk around to get in the car and go to shut the automatic door and nothing happens. I have this fear about shutting the door with the keys in the car so I don’t like to shut it until I am in it. I know that is weird but it happened when Nico was small and it scarred me. And that door is freaking heavy to close when it’s not working.

7. Our Schedule. I saved this one for last because it’s insane. It leaves no time to do anything. I’m not sure Leo and I really thought this having four kids thing through and when we were thinking about it, did we forget that they would each be individuals that would have their own ideas of what they wanted to do? So, this is the first year since he was 5 that Nico isn’t playing baseball and my first thought was, “Yay! No more sitting in the cold or extreme heat!” But wait…I still have Tommy who is still playing. And playing travel so that is like 100 games (that’s an exaggeration, I hope). Isabella is done with volleyball but still in dance and has to sign up for tumbling. Gia is still in ballet and Nico…Nico is playing AAU basketball so he has two practices a week and then a tournament every weekend except May 4th until the month of June. Then high school camps start so he’ll do those again and then the basketball will pick back up in July. I love watching Nico play basketball but this means that I’m going to miss a whole lot of Tommy’s baseball because Leo coaches Tommy and has to be there and Nico’s games are all over IL and I’ll have to be there. I sense another apology letter coming for Tommy. :( To give you an example of the insanity, next weekend Nico’s tournament is in Joliet and the following weekend it’s in Indiana. Guess who is going to have to drive to Joliet? Thank God for GPS! Oh and all of this…with Gia. I also sense a lot of material for the blog.

 

What about you? Anything you’d like to punch? Vent here. It will feel so good. :)

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Filed Under: Rants 32 Comments

Anger Issues: Part 2-The Joys of Raising a Tween Girl

March 22, 2013 By

Yesterday, I posted about how angry I was at Nico’s teacher but it isn’t the only thing making me angry these days. I love Isabella. I have loved her since the moment I found out I was pregnant with her. I used to look at her as a baby and say, “This is why people have a lot of kids.” Everything about Isabella was easy. She gave up the bottle easily. She didn’t have a hard time giving up the binky and she went to sleep like clockwork at naps and night. She potty-trained herself. She was so easy. Sometimes I would look at her with her mass of blond curls and her big green eyes and wonder how such a beautiful little girl ended up my daughter. She was/is helpful and so eager to please Leo and me and so affectionate always crawling up on my lap to kiss or hug me.

Her eyes started out blue but turned green when she was about 3. She is two in this picture.

Her eyes started out blue but turned green when she was about 3. She is two in this picture.

And then…

The tween years hit. I could see it last year that puberty was not going to be fun with her. I mean, it is never really fun anyway and sometimes being a woman sometimes sucks but I think I might be in for it when it finally hits here.  This leads me to my second reason I am angry these days:

I am angry that Belle and I can’t get to a place where we get along for longer than ten minutes. I heard from so many moms of girls when I was pregnant with her, “You are going to love having a girl!” “Little girls are so wonderful. They play quietly with dolls and they can sit still and color and read stories and don’t roughhouse” (I had already had Nico who was ALL BOY). “Little girls like to stay neat and clean.” “You will love having a mini-you”. All of you people who told me that…YOU ALL ARE BIG, FAT LIARS!!

First of all, why would I love having a mini-me? I am stubborn, hot-tempered and procrastinate with the best of them. Back in the day I was boy crazy (in the way that I thought a lot of boys were cute, not that I dated a lot of boys…big difference) and would rather dress comfortably than fashionably (okay, that last part is not just back in the day but very much to this day). I still don’t like being teased or criticized (does anyone, really?) and only now have learned to let things roll off my back so why would I like having to deal with all of those in another person? I don’t even like dealing with them with me. My mom got her wish. She used to wish that I’d have a daughter just like me and I do. Thanks, Mom. You know what’s helping me be less stubborn, less hot-tempered and helped me to let things go? Seeing all of that in another person…one that I love with all my heart and it’s not pretty.

Second of all, neat and clean?? When she wants to be, she is absolutely neat and clean. But when she doesn’t, my darling, beautiful daughter is kind of a slob. Her room is by far the messier one. She stomps her way to the shower complaining the whole time. Arguments about finding clean clothes are a daily battle. I can’t even get mad at her because again…a mini-me. I have told her that because she has trouble deciding on an outfit to wear, she has to do it at night. The problem with that is that something happens in the middle of the night where she wakes up that morning hating what she picked out so either she goes to school crying because I make her wear that outfit or she is frantic trying to choose another. NO WIN.

Third of all, quiet? Ummm…how do I say this nicely? How about just no. No. No. My darling child goes from 0-60 reaching a sound that breaks glass and only dogs can hear. And once she gets there, there is no turning back. It doesn’t matter if Gia is sleeping. It doesn’t matter if anyone is sleeping. It doesn’t matter if we are at a store or a restaurant. It doesn’t matter. What, you might ask, gets her to that point? Two things: Nico and Tommy.

This week has been rough. I curse our school with their week before spring break activities and assignments. Why? Why? Why must we cram everything in this week? They had a book report, a quick-write (I admit, I don’t know what that is but the kids were stressing over it), and the ever-loving Greek Day (I love you, my Greek friends. So much that I almost called on you guys to come here and dress my kids).

When Nico did Greek day, I sent him to school wrapped in white sheet. That’s it and he survived. I said this to Belle when she gave me a list of 50 things she needed for her costume and her answer was, “That won’t work. I’m a girl. I need more stuff.” So, for the last two weeks, I have been running to stores finding things that she can use to make her sheet look more “Greek”. I should have just bought the damn costume at Party City for $20. Oh, and she HAD to have a lot of stuff to sell at the Greek market. In short, she and Tommy drove me crazy about this. She, more than Tommy, because Tommy listened to Nico who said, “Dude, it’s not that big of a deal.”

All of the arguing came to a head Tuesday night.

While at a party on Saturday night, Belle texted me: Mom, my book report is due Wednesday and I haven’t even started and I left my book at school. Now, how would you have responded at 8:30 on a Saturday night? I replied: Don’t worry. We’ll figure something out.

On Sunday, I went to Barnes and Noble and bought the book she needed…the book I already bought once. I “helicoptered” in rather than taught her a lesson because she had a volleyball game on Monday and Belle is prone to loooong book reports needing constant encouraging that she is on the right path. Anyway, I suggested she do a diorama since she was doing Jim Henson. I gave her some suggestions and she shot them all down as if it was the dumbest idea ever. I suggested a time-line. She said no to that as well. I walked away saying that I made some suggestions, she didn’t like them so she should choose herself. She decided she wanted to dress up and where could she get a Muppet costume? I just stared in disbelief. She chose a time-line.

I told her to do as much as she could on Sunday and not to wait until Tuesday. Long story short (even though that ship sailed a paragraph ago), she was doing it Tuesday night. I told her that I would help her until 9 and then I was going upstairs to bed. She goofed around with the boys until about 8:50 and then came and asked me to help her. I did something I didn’t want to. I went against the grain as a Mama Bear and teacher. I told her to ask her dad and I went to bed.

Tears. Loud cries of unfairness. Stomping. Begging. It.Was.Ugly.

I heard her arguing with Leo trying to get him to help while he was watching a basketball game. I heard Tommy asking her why she waited until the last-minute (his was done on Saturday night) and Nico aggravating her by telling her she was “screwed for waiting ’til now” (yes, I’m so proud). She came upstairs hysterical several times saying Leo wasn’t helping her, the computer was frozen, she didn’t know how to do the lines on the poster board, she didn’t know how it was going to fit, she didn’t know how many pictures to use and so on. Each time I sent her back downstairs. I did go downstairs and ask Leo to help her and he said he tried and that she got upset. Is it wrong that I felt better knowing it wasn’t just me?

He ended up being her hero and he helped her until she was done. Two things happened on Tuesday night. Belle learned that when I say something, I mean it and I fell in love with Leo all over again for allowing me not rescue her again. Should we have let her go to school on Wednesday without her report done to teach her a lesson? Maybe but there is something to be said about a daughter knowing her dad is there to help her out. I remember when my dad would help me with something for school. It let me know he cared, took an interest and would be there for me when I needed him. I didn’t go running to him every time I had to do something but I knew if I really needed him, he’d be there.

I think waking up early after being up late doing it was enough of a reminder not to do that again. She was CRABBY and I couldn’t help but point out to her why and how to avoid it in the future. To say that she took those words to heart and didn’t at all stomp her feet, roll her eyes or snap at me would be a lie.

Getting ready for today’s Greek Day activities has been less than fun. She procrastinated taking a shower to get her hair ready and then expected me to do it at 10:00pm. When I did, it wasn’t the way she wanted. She has gorgeous hair (that I would pay good money at a salon to get) that I could really love fixing and playing with but it doesn’t work that way. She cries when I am doing her hair saying I am hurting her (just combing it causes her to say this) so I rarely do it anymore. She didn’t like the way I was draping the sheet. She didn’t want her butt to show (it didn’t because neither did I). She didn’t know what to wear under the sheet (ANYTHING). Finally, at 10:30 she went to bed happy and I went to bed satisfied that I made her happy. I was exhausted but satisfied.

I have a feeling I am in for a lot more exhaustion and I can only pray for more satisfaction. This was not meant to be a bash on Belle. I am working on a post that tells all of the reasons why I love her so much. This is a post for all of you moms out there that might be having the same issues with your tween girls. I don’t know about you guys but I am constantly asking, ”Where is my little girl and why did she leave this tornado of emotions in her place?”

Final products of Greek Day costumes.

Final products of Greek Day costumes.

 

Edited to add that Tommy said the class talked the teacher out of the Quick-Write because of Greek Day.

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Filed Under: chaos, Isabella, Parenting, Rants, Uncategorized 18 Comments

Anger Issues: Part 1-Mama Bear

March 21, 2013 By

Can I honestly say it’s been a good week this week? No I cannot. Is it better than last week? Yes, yes it is. So that is something. If you come back tomorrow you can see Anger Issues: Part 2 and if you are raising a daughter, you won’t want to miss it.

I need to pour my heart out.

I am angry. I am angry that Nico is going to be 15 in less than a month and I am STILL arguing with teachers about letting him go to the bathroom. He is still being made to feel embarrassed by people I entrust him to. Let me be clear. His classroom teachers have been wonderful in high school. Almost all of them have been supportive. I don’t know what it is with gym teachers and Nico (with the exception of his last semester gym teacher who treated this issue like it is…not a big deal). Is it because he is an athlete and they think he is slacking? Do they expect him to go full force in practice and in gym? Probably. I mean it is high school P.E. It’s the class that is going to catapult him into Yale or Harvard. So taking three minutes to pee is really going to be a detriment to his grade and his future career plans. I don’t shout from the rooftops all that I am proud of with Nico but he does not use CF to get out of homework. He does not use it to go to school late because he is EXHAUSTED from school, practice, homework and then treatments on top of it. He wants NO special treatment. ALL he wants is to be able to quietly go to the bathroom when he needs to which unfortunately is often. He is getting mostly A’s and a few B’s and I have not heard ONE complaint about him abusing his permanent bathroom pass. Why, then do some teachers decide to give him a hard time about it???

Nico told me not having a 504 plan is better. He likes it better this way. If I thought he’d need it for more than just him going to the bathroom when he needs to, I’d push for it but he doesn’t. HE IS DOING FINE! We are blessed beyond belief that he is as healthy as he is and that it doesn’t interfere so don’t you agree that it would be ridiculous to have an education plan in place to pee? I sat in more meetings in junior high about my son being able to go to the bathroom that it was laughable. It was infuriating that with all that the schools and teachers have to do and worry about, some teachers get hung up on giving my son a hard time about going to the flipping bathroom.

His gym teachers constantly think he is using it as an excuse to get out of doing what they are doing. They see it as him being disrespectful. He’s getting an A in this class so obviously he isn’t missing that much of the class. I feel bad for him because when the teacher asked him after taking 3 minutes to pee if he thought he could just go to the bathroom anytime he wanted, Nico, knowing that he has the permanent pass that says he can said yes thinking his teacher knew. His teacher took that as back talk and told him to see him after school. Nico doesn’t get in trouble often so was upset the rest of the day, texting me telling me. I emailed the teacher (yes, I was one of “those”) and told him about the pass and said that if he felt Nico was disrespectful in any way, I’d have him apologize. He answered sounding like someone who exerted authority because he can and that Nico was avoiding the track (if Nico had done what the teacher wanted him to do, which was to go back and tell the teacher that he had to go to the bathroom and then go back to where he was in the first place, it would have taken 10  minutes instead of 3, so was he really avoiding the track?). That set off the Mama Bear in me. I said the same thing I said here and when Nico went to see him, he told him to not do it again. What was the point of that? So, he almost misses his bus home for this teacher to give him a hard time about peeing only to tell him, just don’t do it again?

Just let the kid go to the bathroom in peace! Jeez! Am I really STILL having this discussion this late in the game??

What do you think? How would you have handled it? Would you have been a Mama Bear (come out swinging) or a Mama Ostrich (head in the sand)?

You know what else adds to anger issues? Feedburner saying I lost all 78 of my subscribers. Why, Feedburner, just why?

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Filed Under: Cystic Fibrosis, Nico, Parenting, Pour Your Heart Out, Rants, Uncategorized 19 Comments

A Little Positivity and Blog Issues

March 20, 2013 By

Something has been going on with Feedburner, the service that I use for email subscriptions. Sometimes it sends out my post at a different time than I have set or sometimes not at all. I think there was some buzz about it going away and since it is all I know, even if it’s not working correctly, that sends me into a small panic. You know the thought of having to change things or learn something new.

Are you wondering what the positivity in the title is referring to? The worst part of Feedburner acting up is that some of you, especially the followers not on Facebook or Twitter might have missed this wonderful post by my friend, Chris Carter at The Mom Cafe that I posted yesterday. Since I saved it in my drafts folder back in February, it posted it under February even though it was yesterday’s post. She came up with a way to ease our guilt when we are having one of “those” days. If you missed it, you can find it HERE. Please take a minute to check it out. It’s great advice that is east to implement. I’ve already started it and it works!

I have a question for you: When I look at my header (title of the blog), it doesn’t look right. How are you seeing it? I’ve checked with a few friends (okay, just two) and they are seeing it fine. I just want to make sure everyone is seeing it like they are and not like I am. This is how I see it:

See how there is only half shown and the shadows of Leo and the kids are only their heads?

See how there is only half shown and the shadows of Leo and the kids are only their heads?

 

While we are on the subject of blog issues, if you feel so inclined and you like what you read here, if you could click on The Best Mom Blogs in the sidebar, it would put me back on the map (I seem to have fallen off). I’m thinking of taking my blog off of there but thought I’d give it a go first.

 

As always, I just want you all to know that I appreciate that it has been two years and you all are still reading. It warms my heart and really, is better than spending thousands of dollars on therapy. :) Just wanted to say thank you!

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Filed Under: Guest post, Odd things that happen in my family, Random Thoughts, Rants, Writing 18 Comments

Same Old Rant, Different Day

March 12, 2013 By

What is it about teens that makes you destined to live a life of regret? Nico is a freshman. I need him to go to college. I need him to go to a college at least 3 hours away. I need him to go that far so that I am not just a phone call away from stepping in and rescuing him. And being that I know myself so well, I know that I am not going to handle it well when the time comes for him to actually leave. So that means that once he’s gone, I am going to spend my time wishing I appreciated him when he was here.

However, this morning will not be one that I will think of when I am missing him.

I might have anger issues and nothing brings them out more than mornings with Nico. They are even worse when it’s Leo’s week to drive Nico and two other boys to school. Unless one of my feet are stuck in their @sses, they don’t move. I have ranted on here before about how Leo uses me as his alarm clock and how Nico doesn’t wake up to his blah, blah, blah. Just freaking get up already…it’s always the same. You know what time you have to be ready and if you are in some sort of contest to see how long you can sleep and still get out of the house on time, I have news for both of you: YOU’RE BOTH LOSING!

Personally, I think Leo and Nico think they move a lot faster than they actually do. Leo said that the boys get to school on time and that it is me just worrying because I don’t like to be there with the buses so I go earlier when I drive but I am a nervous wreck worrying that the boys are late for school. Here is how our morning went:

First, a little sidebar: Gia is sick. Scary sick with no symptoms other than a high fever and falling asleep on and off all day and then not sleeping at night. I let her sleep with us last night because when her fever is high, it makes me nervous. She woke up at 3:45 and at 4:00 cried that she wanted to go downstairs. I told Leo that I was going to leave my alarm on but was going downstairs and might not be able to get back upstairs to wake them up. He insisted that he didn’t know how to shut off my alarm so I told him to keep snoozing it. He said that is what he can’t find. It’s right on top but whatever. I shut my alarm off and took Gia downstairs. She was on fire and dozed on and off until 6:00 when she finally took the Motrin.

Gia was awake at 6 so while she cried when I left, I went upstairs to wake up Leo and Nico. Both rolled over and said it was too early. Nico said he set his own alarm and not to worry. Gia fell asleep shortly after I gave her the Motrin so I was stuck downstairs with her on top of me. You know that panic that you get when you’re trapped and have to get somewhere. That’s how I felt. I kept willing them to wake up.

At 6:30, Leo yelled down to me (waking up Gia) that Nico wasn’t in the shower, he had to get in and he had a meeting to get to and his exact words were, “I have to go.” The anger that I felt knowing that him having to go meant I was going to have to drive the boys to school and didn’t know how I was going to do it with a sick baby on top of me bubbled over. I went upstairs, put Gia down on my bed and banged on Nico’s bathroom door to get in the shower. He yelled back that Leo was in the other one and he didn’t want cold water and neither did Leo. I walked back to Leo who was in the shower and said Nico wanted to get in the shower and was he almost done? He answered with, “Is he in the shower yet?” I told him to hurry up. I walked back to Nico and he said he set his alarm but it didn’t go off. The walking back and forth went on until 6:50 when they both ran out of the house.

Gia dozed off and I put my head down for a half hour (being that I was up since 3:45) when I heard my phone go off that someone texted me (thank goodness otherwise the twins would have been late). It was Nico: Can you text me page 463 problems 20-25 in my algebra book? Sorry. I ran out and forgot it.

3 hours. At least 3 hours.

Last night I had my most embarrassing moment happen. My mom and dad helped us out with Belle’s volleyball game and watching Gia so Leo and I could go to Nico’s basketball awards night. A great big thanks to them for that! My mom told me that I could go to the grocery store after to get some things I needed and popsicles for Gia. I went to Dominick’s, filled up my cart in case Gia was sick the rest of the week, got to the check-out put all the items on the conveyor belt and grabbed for my wallet. My wallet which was not there. I looked at the cashier and said, “I’m so sorry. I don’t have my wallet. What do you want me to do?” She asked if I was going to come back but with a sick kid, I knew I wouldn’t be able to. She replied rather aggravated, “Then just leave it.” With only one line, of course it was a long one and I had a ton of stuff on there so I heard the moans and groans. I fled quickly knowing I would not be able to show my face there again.

Oh, and today is Tuesday, the day when Gia goes to school giving me 4.5 hours to get stuff done. There goes 4.5 hours of getting stuff done (which is why I haven’t been able to visit my favorite blogs).

I still have to go grocery shopping.

Friday is Leo’s poker night.

Fell asleep while I was doing my hair.

Fell asleep while I was doing my hair.

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And how is your week going?

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Filed Under: Leo, Nico, Rants 15 Comments

An Open Letter to Taylor Kitsch

March 8, 2013 By

Dear Taylor,

This might sound odd coming from someone who has no experience in the film and TV industry but as someone who thoroughly enjoys watching you on my screen, I have some advice for you. I think you should get a new agent. After watching The Covenant and every episode of Friday Night Lights including the ones that I thought went in an undesirable direction, I was excited to see where your career was going to go. While we are on the subject, did you ever ask them why Tim had to go to jail? Why couldn’t he have gone with Lyla while you were off filming movies? They could have still seen that it wasn’t going to work and then he could have come back and still ended up with Tyra. Why jail? Did he really have to hit rock bottom? Anyway, I digress.

X-Men Origins: Wolverine worked for me because it was a movie the hubby wanted to see and I enjoyed your portrayal of Gambit (still hoping for a Gambit origins movie).

Gospel Hill was a quiet movie where you played a son torn between your father and what you knew was right. Loved you in it.

I thought you did a good job in The Bang Bang Club but that movie was a heavy one so I didn’t enjoy the movie itself. You proved that you could transform for a character you were playing and that you have the acting chops to do a serious film.

Okay, John Carter was NOT as bad as everyone made it out to be. It was just marketed poorly. Its target audience shouldn’t have been adults. It should have been moms with sons. Or kids whose moms loved FNL.  I have a eleven-year old son that asked me to take him to see it twice so why, why, why wasn’t it marketed for kids? It could have been a fun fantasy movie complete with action figures and everything. See, I love to go to the movies with my kids and if there is something nice for me to look at then all the better. John Carter fit that bill.

Battleship was just a fun, summer movie. I really liked it. My boys really liked it and my husband really liked it. It was like Tim Riggins joined the Navy. It was science fiction, fantasy, make-believe, you know much like a big movie where cars and trucks turn into robots.

Savages was a little gory and I hated the whole sharing the girl thing but I thought you were good in it and you looked hot proving that not only can you can do long hair and short hair but are also a good actor. I think it’s a shame that the other two movies came before this one because I think critics were just waiting for another one of your movies to pick you apart and blame you for it not doing well.

I get that you played Tim Riggins for 4 years and are probably wanting to do more than just that. As an actor, you want to spread your wings and challenge yourself in movies where you play different characters. I get it but some of your choices are seriously baffling. What you do best is playing the tortured soul with the brooding eyes and closed off heart. I’ve seen you in interviews, you’re funny, too. And that smirk you do has women like myself swooning. I’m pretty sure you can make a whole career out of playing characters like that. Have no scripts come to you where you can play the romantic lead? Have you not paid any attention to Channing Tatum’s career?

I once said that no matter how bad I thought the movie might be, I would go see it. I can’t do it anymore. I love you too much to see your career end up in the toilet. Maybe I’ll go see The Lone Survivor even though the description pretty much tells what happens to you but the English remake of the Canadian movie doesn’t sound like a winner. I can only think you took it because of your loyalty to your Canadian roots. I have never been happier that I don’t have HBO because I don’t want to see you in the TV movie you are slated to play in.

Obviously you are not putting the needs of your FNL fans first which is understandably so being that it is your career and all but as someone who wants to see you succeed and has loved you in almost everything you’ve been in, please, please, get your hands on a Nicholas Sparks’ book and beg to play in the movie. Talk Peter Berg into producing a romantic comedy that you can star in. The choices that you or your agent are making are obviously not working. Go in a different direction. Please. Just try it and see what happens.

When you decide to embrace the obvious talent you have to be a romantic lead, I’ll watch again (unless it is as Christian Grey, then I’m out).  Until then, I will have to just watch FNL, X-Men Origins: Wolverine and The Covenant to get my fix because to me, you will always be Tim, Gambit and Pogue.

Sincerely,

Your biggest fan (and if you aren’t careful, it will be your only fan)

 

Tim Riggins (pic taken from my TV screen)

Tim Riggins (pic taken from my TV screen)

 

 

Gambit (pic taken from my TV screen)

Gambit (pic taken from my TV screen)

Pogue (pic taken from my TV)

Pogue (pic taken from my TV)

 

 

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Filed Under: Random Thoughts, Rants, Television 12 Comments

This Week is Winning

March 5, 2013 By

It’s only Tuesday and already this week is kicking my @ss. Let me just give you a glimpse of why this week is winning:

Leo’s gone: He left Sunday afternoon and is due back tonight. I don’t sleep when he isn’t here. I hear weird noises and I’m afraid I won’t hear the kids so even when I try to sleep, my mind races. Our heat still isn’t 100% working. It clicks off and doesn’t click back on without someone flicking the switch. I am thankful we have heat at all but it is so annoying when it clicks off in the middle of the night. I don’t like going into the basement during the day and like it even less in the middle of the night. I did treat myself (and the family) to Entrée Kitchen meals for this week so that is a silver lining.

No internet: I was in the middle of a blog post yesterday when my internet died. I spent the better part of the day trying to fix it. I was finally able to get on Facebook to post about it and someone replied that it was AT&T. There was an outage that wasn’t going to be fixed until midnight. I felt better knowing that it wasn’t my connection but a whole day…without the internet. I might be a tad addicted to it. Just a tad. I had several ideas for posts floating around and I was planning on catching up on the blogs I read. Without the internet, I was going to be forced to do laundry and put my house back together after the weekend chaos. Gia and I did get some cuddle time, watched Beauty and the Beast about 5 times, built 3 Lego towers, had 2 tea parties and exercised.

Sick kids: Well, only one but she puked and that’s like having 5 sick kids. I hate dealing with puke. I’d rather deal with anything else. Leo is the puke parent. He deals with that but since he’s gone (another reason to hate him being gone), I have to. I woke up at 4am (after finally falling asleep at 3) to Belle at my bedside telling me she puked. Luckily she puked in the bathroom garbage can and luckily it had a Target bag in it so it wasn’t as bad as it could have been. I am no Mother of the Year when my kids are sick. Yesterday she had a volleyball game at 7:00. At 6:15, she said she didn’t feel good and her stomach hurt. I asked if she thought she could play in her game. She started crying saying she didn’t know. I told her she wasn’t going to go and she lost it begging to go and play.The conversation went like this:

Me: ”Fine, get in the car then.”

Belle: “No. Now you don’t want to watch me play.”

Me: “If you are sick, no, I don’t want to watch you play.”

Belle: “But I want to play.”

Me: “Fine, get in the car.”

She doesn’t move but proceeds to sob that she didn’t feel good. I called another mom to tell the coach that she wasn’t going to be there because I didn’t have internet, I couldn’t look up the coaches number. Belle completely flipped out that she was fine and wanted to go.

Me: “Belle, do you feel sick?”

Belle: “Yes.”

Me: “Then you can’t go.”

Belle: “I feel fine.”

Me: “Then you shouldn’t have said you feel sick if you didn’t.”

Belle: “But I do. I just want to play.”

She woke up at 4am puking and said, “I guess it was good I didn’t go to volleyball.” I started praying immediately that the other kids don’t start puking.

 

Snow Storm: I know I was born and raised here in the suburbs of Chicago but I HATE winter and think that snow is only pretty on Christmas and when we are in Wisconsin skiing. I know I have said it here before that I am petrified of driving in it so I feel paralyzed when there is snow on the ground. I am glad the kids are off because I didn’t want to have to take Gia to school or lose money for the day if I didn’t take her but there was school. The thing is I want this to be a “we all stay inside today” kind of day instead of a “we have no school so I need a ride to hang with my friends” kind of day.  I got the call at 5:20am as did all of my emergency contacts (why???).  With the snow storm, there is a chance Leo won’t make it home tonight which means I’m in for the above all over again.

Thursday: Nico gets his braces off in the morning. The hour-long appointment with Gia should be fun. Then Leo is taking the boys (thank God) for their CF appointments. They only go every 3-4 months but it is always stressful. I’d appreciate any prayers you could spare that it is a good one. The boys have to give blood and I always worry about the results of that. Thursday night we have a couple of things that are going to cause us both to be running around.

 

I hate to be a Negative Nelly but I know when to throw up my arms and say, “You win!” I am about there. Say a prayer or send wine…on second thought, say a prayer and send vodka and chocolate. :)

 

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Filed Under: chaos, Parenting, Rants 22 Comments

Distorted View

February 13, 2013 By

Coming soon is a post about acceptance that I wrote for a dear friend. It’s an ongoing struggle and I’m not having much luck with it today.

Eat Low Carb

Eat No Carb

Have to Have Some Carbs

Eat A Lot of Fruits and Veggies

Don’t Eat Fruit After 2:00

Only Eat certain Fruits

Eat Low Fat

Eat No Fat

Cut Out All Sugar

Natural Sugar is Okay

Eat Low Calorie

Have to Eat Enough Calories So Body Doesn’t Go Into Starvation Mode

Dairy is Good for You

Dairy is Bad for You

Eat Protein

Eat Fiber

Cut Out Gluten

Eat 3 Meals a Day

Eat Many Small Meals a Day

Watch Portion Size

Everything in Moderation

Food has always been an issue with me and with the list above, is it any wonder that I have absolutely NO idea what to put in my mouth? No idea what is okay to eat. Logic tells me it isn’t smart to cut out whole food groups. Something else inside of me, though, cancels out logic when it tells me it’s okay to eat 5 or 6 chocolate chip cookies so it is hard to know what to trust. I know what my problem is. I am the world’s pickiest eater, I eat weird foods and I love sugar. If I could just find a way for eggs, edamame and Tilapia to be a way to lose weight with flavored almonds, celery and cheese and apples and peanut butter as snacks then I’d be all good. I don’t even like to eat a lot. I often am so busy that I am unable to eat (which yes, I know is bad for the metabolism). All of this was fine until…I had a baby at 39 and hit 40.

The number keeps going up. In the old days, I’d give up drinking my beloved regular Coke and instantly see a difference. I haven’t had a Coke (or any other soft drink)  in I don’t know how long and no difference. I was convinced that it was the cereals that I love (and I love a lot of them) that was causing my yoga pants to be tight (yes, sad day when yoga pants are tight) so I gave them up, even my favorite Special K Vanilla Almond. Still no difference. It must have been then, the strawberries and chocolate (that I am not supposed to eat anyway) so I gave them up. Still nothing. Then I was convinced that it must have been the Black Cherry Propel. Those liars, they said it was zero everything but it must have been the chemicals that gave it the black cherry flavor that was doing it so I gave it up and now only drink lemon water. Apparently, eating only the marshmallows out of Lucky Charms after you are 40 causes the scale to go up so I stopped doing that. The only vice I have left is Starbucks Hot Chocolate and I already get that with skim milk and no whipped cream. Do I need to let that go, too?

I tried Weight Watchers but got tired of counting points. I did Spark People and I liked it but got tired of logging everything in. I did Atkins but I am not a big meat-eater. I did South Beach but was so hungry that I looked forward to the Calcium chews that I was taking. They felt like a delicious meal and if I could have cut them up in pieces to enjoy longer, I would have (that’s just sad). I looked into The Paleo Diet  and it made a lot of sense but I don’t like a lot of veggies. I have started the 17 Day Diet figuring I can do anything for 17 days and I can definitely fit 17 minutes of exercise in a day but wouldn’t you know it? I am having a hard time getting two fruits in before 2 and I am having to force myself to eat yogurt.

I know it is a lifestyle change and that I need to find what works for me. The problem is that I haven’t found what works for me. I need to make changes but the realization that I just can’t have some of the foods I love is depressing. What’s that you are thinking? Everything is okay in moderation? Yes, but how many of you, like me, can’t stop at one cookie or one chip or a cup of Kettlecorn popcorn? That’s an issue of self-control and I’m working on it but right now, I suck. I thought the issue was exercise because I never was very good at that but even though I’ve committed to doing at least 17 minutes a day, I usually do 20 30 minutes a day and still nothing.

They say not to get caught up on the number but I can’t help it. I do and it is a number that says I need to make some changes. More changes. Ughhh. And whether we need to lose 10lbs or 60lbs, if what we see in the mirror isn’t something that we are comfortable with then we have a right to those feelings. For example, I used to get really irritated when a person that I thought was skinny (because it is all relative) would complain that they needed to lose weight but even though I think 120lbs is skinny, that person used to weigh 110 so to them, they are 10lbs overweight (and no this is not me, I haven’t seen 120 since before kids) .  They are still not comfortable with the way they look or in their own skin so who am I to tell them to get over it and that they are being ridiculous? We are all fighting against the same societal standard of the size 2 woman being the ideal. We open the same magazines, watch the same TV and go to the same movies where these women have bodies that are unattainable to the “real” women out there raising kids and working both inside and outside of the home. It’s not that I compare myself to them because I know what they do to maintain their bodies and it isn’t even something I want to do. What I do want to do is enjoy life while feeling comfortable in my own skin. I thought that was what being 40 was about. I could have sworn when I was in my 30′s I heard that.

I am not telling you this because I am obese or think I am obese. I am telling you this because my unhealthy way of looking at food is affecting me in other areas. Take for example the picture that I had on here yesterday. Many people had a lot of nice things to say for which I am appreciative. The reality of that, though is that I made my sister take that picture so many times and at so many angles to get it so that my hair looked okay and my arms didn’t look like ham hocks and my smile didn’t make me look like I have a double chin. One picture out of a bunch that I felt okay enough with to post. Such a distorted view.

I cannot take a good picture with Nico. For whatever reason, I can’t stand the way I look. Maybe because he is tall and lean and in pictures with him I look short and stubby. I don’t know but I do know that I have to get over it otherwise there will be no pictures of me and him and I cherish the pictures from when he was little. Want to know the irony of that? I remember picking apart those pictures, seeing my adorable son but then looking at all the things I didn’t like about myself (thinking, I’ll never wear that shirt again or Why didn’t anyone tell me that short hair makes my face look rounder?) and looking back, I didn’t have anything to pick apart. I looked fine and I was happy cuddling with my son who was sitting on my lap (and I was so freaking young).

I didn’t post that picture to get compliments. I posted because, sadly, it was the only one I took but after reading what people said, I thought to myself, Why can’t we see ourselves the way others see us? I can’t tell you how many times I take a picture of someone (almost always a woman) and I think it is beautiful and they want me to redo it because they think they look bad. Why can’t we be kinder to ourselves? Such a distorted view.

I think about how Gia is always crawling on my lap and saying, “Mommy, you’re bootiful” and I wish I could see myself through her eyes. Why is my view so distorted?

So to wrap this up, I still don’t know what to eat, I need to put aside how I feel and be a part of the memories that I want to make with my kids and I need to remember that even if I am not comfortable in my own skin at the moment, someone out there thinks I am “bootiful”.

What about you? Do you allow the distorted view to affect your life? Are you comfortable in your own skin? When did that happen? Something to look forward to in my 50′s? :)

Pouring my heart out with Shell:

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