This has been the topic of many posts. You can read about the double standard here. You can read about what happens when I say yes here. You can read about my in-depth explanation about why I hate them here.
So it is no surprise that I have more to say. I still hate them but I can feel myself wanting to say yes to Belle more than I say yes to the boys. When Nico was Belle’s age, he had sleepovers all the time. I hated them but he still had them. They were usually at trusted friends’ houses. And those kids stayed here, probably more than he stayed there because my dislike for them made it so that if we were doing them, they had to be at my house. I feel like I was close to Nico’s friends. Even now, I love those boys like they were my own sons. I know them. I know they are good kids. There have been many times they were sitting around my table eating snacks or breakfast talking about school, sports or girls. I don’t think sleepovers are a good idea at Nico’s age (I’ll tell you why in a second), but I sure do miss having those boys around my table.
Nico ruined sleepovers for Tommy. I’m not sure how to explain it other than boys come up with some crazy ways to occupy themselves once the parents go to sleep. Nico’s friends liked to cook at around 2am. Nothing strikes fear in you like smelling something burning at 2am. Tommy, at one of his rare sleepovers, decided to collect all the socks and make a “sock football”. Hearing your son dig around in everyone’s drawers at midnight tries even the most patient of mothers. Tommy thinks that sleepovers are a license to drink as much Coke as he possibly can so that they can stay up all night. Not cool.
This is why I feel bad for Belle. The worst part about Belle’s sleepovers are that she and her friends laugh…a lot and loudly. And that makes me remember all the sleepovers with Debbie, Annie, Jenny, Tina, Cindy, Gina, Nikki and Natalie and Noel. It makes me remember how being with your girlfriends is the best feeling because you think the same things are funny. You talk about your dreams and boys and your fears and somehow, you feel okay knowing you aren’t alone. You fall asleep talking and you feel like you are a part of something…that someone accepts you for who you are. Belle and her friends are really no problem and they like to hang out in the kitchen talking to me and that makes me feel good. I love that I know these girls. That they are good girls because girls are harder than boys. Girls are super sensitive and just someone not noticing that she has a new shirt on is enough to make her mad. Girls can be somewhat exhausting in a different way than boys. Boys make me physically exhausted. Girls make me mentally exhausted.
I’m not sure how I am going to deal with this but with twins, it seems rather daunting. See, if Belle has a sleepover on Friday, then Tommy is sure to ask for one on Saturday. That means a whole weekend of sleepovers. Or the alternative is Belle does it one weekend, Tommy does it another but then that is two weekend that I am doing something I really don’t like. I can’t do them both on the same night because then it becomes a boy/girl sleepover in 5th grade. The other weird part is that because they are twins, it is really strange for girls to be sleeping here and have Tommy here or boys here and have Belle here. I’m probably making more out of it but I think back to when I was younger and if I woke up at a friend’s house and Rob or John or James were there, it would be totally weird. I mean, they would have seen me in my pajamas with bed head. That’s what the twins deal with and Tommy handles it fine because he really is that laid back but Belle…oh Belle, you can’t just wear a t-shirt and underwear when Tommy has a friend over since they might drift upstairs while you are sleeping. Luckily, that hasn’t happened but it is a fight on the rare occasion that Tommy’s had a friend over (she doesn’t like to sleep with the door closed otherwise that would be the obvious solution). And you can’t be downstairs until midnight with them because I’m going to fall asleep and if you fall asleep it is a boy/girl sleepover in 5th grade again and I can’t have that.
I’ve harped on here more times that once about Nico constantly asking me if he can sleep somewhere or if his friends could sleep here. I swear I am going to change his name on my phone to “Buzz Kill” or “Night Ruiner” because if those are skills, he’s found his calling. There are several reasons why I don’t think teenage sleepovers are a good idea.
1. Sneaking out
2. Alcohol
3. Sneaking people in
4. The later the night, the more stupid the tweets, FB statuses, Instagrams and Vines.
5. All logic escapes teen boys when they are hungry.
6. It’s too easy to make bad choices knowing you aren’t going home to your parents.
I was a teenager and I slept at my share of girlfriends’ houses. One time in particular stands out in my mind. I was sleeping over at my friend, Annie’s. I can’t remember if we had permission or if her parents weren’t home. Annie had her license but we were sophomores so she couldn’t have had it for very long. I only had my permit and I never drove other than in Driver’s Ed. I was not that experienced and was afraid of my own shadow. We decided to head over to the neighboring town to hang out with some friends. She drove us there and I remember feeling like it was so cool that we didn’t have to get a ride from our parents and that our parents didn’t know what we were doing. It was a great feeling of freedom. We stayed there for a while and then Annie lost her contact and couldn’t drive. So in all of our infinite teenage wisdom, we decided that I would drive home. It doesn’t matter that I had little to no experience or that it was illegal. I got in the driver’s seat and drove us home. I remember being scared. I remember us screaming that we were going to die. I remember us erupting in fits of laughter at how funny it was that we were doing it. I have to think that her parents weren’t home because how would we have explained that I was driving? And I want to say that I remember us having to leave where we were to get home before they got home but I could be wrong. Annie, if you are reading this, chime in or message me if that’s right. 
See, now this is a funny memory for me but when I think about Nico doing this, my blood runs cold. In a car driving???? With one of his friends and without a license? Anything could happen. I don’t want my kid to be doing that. And teens today? A lot more is going on these days with teens. They have access to way more than we did and with all the social media, they are still pretty dumb. They still think that posting something hilariously illegal isn’t going to be found by anyone and that just the other teens will think it is just as hilarious. It’s scary as a parent of a teen to have so much that can go wrong while your teen is just trying to be a teen.
I know that all of this stuff could happen whether they are sleeping over or not but parents asleep + the need for freedom + teen boy logic = Nothing good.
I’m sorry. I think they are a bad idea which is why I will only say yes if it is an emergency situation or I need someone to keep him for the night and only with parents that I trust.
What about you? Share with me a funny sleepover antic you had as a teen. Help me in my cause that sleepovers as teens might be fun for them but not a good idea.
I am a stay at home mom, married to my college sweetheart, Leo. We have four kids, Nico, Tommy, Isabella and Gia. We have a son, Rocco that is an angel in Heaven.
