For the New Parents of a Teenager

I was blindsided. No one told me. I was going along doing my thing, thinking I have the hang of it and BAM! Everything I do is wrong. Suddenly, I am in the middle of a tornado, earthquake, blizzard and flood all at the same time. The energy sucked right out of me. Anxiety at levels I’ve never felt. Left in the path of destruction not knowing what the Hell I am doing.

Was I in an accident? No. I am the mother of a teenager.

I don’t want other parents to go into this unarmed with the knowledge that I didn’t have. Maybe if I warn them, it won’t feel like an ambush when they get here. I’ve come up with a few things I wish I had known. *Disclaimer: Not all teens are like this and I am not saying they are.

Image courtesy of Ambro / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Image courtesy of Ambro / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

1. They suddenly live like vampires. They are tired all the time and want to sleep during the day when they should be awake and they want to be up at night when they should be asleep. No matter how tired they are, they are up late at night. It’s funny how they can be bright-eyed and bushy-tailed at 1:00am watching Friends’ reruns but ask them to do homework at 2:00pm on a Sunday and they can’t keep their eyes open. This leads to:

2. They are slow. Painfully slow. Oh, if they have plans, they will speed by you in a blur to get out of the house but try to get them out of bed or upstairs to bed and you will see a pace that is similar to the snail or sloth. When asked to do anything around the house, it takes them twice as long to do it. I really think in my case, he is hoping that I’ll get frustrated enough that I’ll just do it myself. I can’t remember if Nico, Belle and Tommy were hard to wake up in elementary school. It’s all a blur but now…there are no words for what our mornings are like.

3. They are never home. Never. I have one that is active in athletics so a lot of times he has a good reason for not being home. He is at practice or a game. However, the times he doesn’t have those things, he makes sure he is somewhere besides home. Suddenly everywhere is better than home. They will choose to wander the streets or sit in a parking lot over just coming home (and maybe going to bed at a decent hour). Things that they used to enjoy doing with the family, they now complain about not wanting to do. Anything that takes them away from their friends is a miserable experience. They will choose sitting in that parking lot doing nothing over sitting by a pool in Florida at their grandparents’ house over Spring Break. It is mind-boggling.

4. They lose things. I have more faith in my 4-year-old coming home with the sweatshirt she left the house in than I do my 15-year-old. They especially can’t find things when their ride is sitting in the driveway. And it will always be your fault that they can’t find whatever they are looking for. You might hear things like, “Where did you put my thingy with the (insert school mascot) on it? I just had it here. You must have moved it.” First of all, I have no idea what the “thingy” is. Once, I thought it was a water bottle but it turned out to be a hat. Second, PUT IT AWAY and you’ll know where it is! They need everything they own in plain sight otherwise they will forget they have it which brings me to the next one.

5. They are forgetful. I’m not sure how, on a four-day weekend, one forgets that he has math homework but you’d be surprised how many times that happens. A coach might tell them what time they have to be back at school for practice and ten minutes later, no one can remember what time he said. That my friends is a true story. There are times when they will use this to their advantage, say when you tell them what time to come home or when you ask them to do chores.

6. They will mess up. This was the hardest one for me. You will think it is the end of the world and that you have failed as a parent but it’s not and you haven’t. This is the time for them to learn for themselves what is right and what is wrong. You can repeat something over and over again hoping that they will just take your word for it but more than likely, they need to experience it to really understand it. For example, you can tell your teen a hundred times that it is wrong to go in a stranger’s pool but it won’t be until the cops are called and he’s hauled in with us having to pick him up from the station that he really got that it was wrong (he got off with a warning).

7. They will suck the money right out of you. I am amazed at how much money my kids constantly nickel and dime me. It is $5 here and $10 there and oh, I only have a $20 and I want the change but I never see it again. There is no such thing as, “I can’t go. I don’t have the money.” Instead, it’s, “Can you spot me and I’ll pay you back?” I’m still trying to figure out what he does around here that warrants all the money he spends. For the older teen, there is the constant eating out, the movies, away school games, and so on. For the tweens, you can’t send them to a friend’s house with no money in case the parents take them somewhere like the movies, open gym, CVS and so on. I need to find a system that works. At least with the tweens, they earn it. Belle babysits Gia for me and Tommy does many chores around the house.

It’s not all bad. You’ll have real conversations where what you are saying still matters to them. They’ll ask your advice and then take it when you least expect it. There will be moments when you’ll recognize the little boy or little girl who once was and they’ll ask to cuddle or for a hug. There will be a constant pushing you away/pulling you close that if you aren’t careful, you’ll miss the pulling you close moments because you’re still mad at the pushing away ones.

There is no feeling like that of being out of control of a situation and that of raising teens. For a control freak like myself, it’s been a huge struggle. You want to keep them safe like you always have but they fight you on it all and you realize you can’t anymore. You spent so much time making sure you got a safe car with a top of the line car seat so that they’d be safe in the car and then suddenly, their friends are driving or they are driving and you can’t control whether they stay safe. You make them three balanced meals every day when they are little and then they are so “on the go” that you have no idea when the last time they ate was. You’ll think you know your kid so well and then they’ll do something (good or bad) and you’ll look at them and wonder who the heck they are? You’ll have moments of immense pride and moments of huge disappointments and realize that they are their moments. They are their own people making their own decisions and we can no longer control what they decide. It’s a constant learning experience and it is exhausting.

It does not escape me that I only have two more years with Nico until he goes off to college (please, dear God let him go off to college) and I really do think life works so that when the time comes, you are ready to let them go off into their world where they are going to need to make it without you holding their hand all the time. I, for one, cannot wait until Nico has to get himself up for his first college class because I won’t be their stressing out that he’s going to be late or he is going to make someone else late. It’s the age-old irony: I can’t wait until he is out of the house doing things on his own and I am going to miss him so much that it hurts to think about it. I am sure when the time comes, I will be begging for a little more time with him before it all changes and he’ll look at me and say, “See, I told you that you were going to miss me.”

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Happy Birthday, Dad!

Today is my dad’s birthday and I know I’ve talked about him on here before but I feel the need to today so if you have read this before, I apologize for repeating myself. :)

My earliest memory of my dad was when I was three years old and had the chicken pox. I was on the phone with him and he told me if I didn’t scratch, he’d buy me a white dress. I loved that dress. I remember thinking it was the prettiest dress I had ever seen. I wish I would have kept it.

Memories after that are sporadic:

I remember him taking me with him to scout basketball games and him taking me to McDonald’s afterwards.

I remember him showing up at my school for the school-wide “Dad’s visit” and me running up to him so excited that he was there.

I remember him taking me out of school to get my weekly allergy shot but after, he didn’t take me back to school. He took me on one of his school’s field trips to a Cub’s game.

I remember going to junior high dances and everyone going to McDonald’s after and looking across the restaurant and seeing my dad sitting there. (This is not my favorite memory, by the way, but now that I am a parent, I get it.)

I remember playing volleyball and cheering and seeing him in the stands.

I remember him feeling bad that I had plans that fell through (because when you date guys that are athletes… not all athletes…there is always a pick-up game somewhere or a game to watch) and him saying, “Don’t go out. Stay here with your dear old dad.” Somehow just him saying that made me feel better.

I remember the look of pride on his face when he got me a summer job teaching in his district and I rocked it.

I remember the night before my wedding him asking me to sit outside with him and talk and me being so tired but not wanting the moment to end so I stayed until he fell asleep (he loved to fall asleep outside in the backyard).

I remember being aggravated that he went golfing the morning of my wedding and showing up late for pictures but then seeing the emotion in his face when he saw me. I remember him staring at me in the limo on the way to the church and saying, “My baby is getting married.” I remember the priest asking him what he wanted to say to Leo and me on this day and him breaking down and only being able to say, “She found a good one.”

I remember the look on his face when he held Nico the first time and him looking over at me saying, “My first grandson.”

I remember when I got invited to go to New York on the NFL’s dime because of my blog and him saying, “You have to go. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity. You have to go and I’ll babysit.”

I am the luckiest girl in the world because I get to sit at all my boys’ games with my dad. We talk about the game, the kids and life in general. I cherish those moments and feel so blessed after I leave. I hope he knows what a gift he gives my boys, Leo and me by going.

Leo lost his dad to cancer when he was 23 and my dad has never tried to replace him but he loves Leo like a son and I know Leo has appreciated and loved my dad for being someone he can look up to.

He’s my safety zone, my voice of reason, my rock and my hero. I love him with all my heart.

Happy Birthday, Dad!

Oh, if I could do it over again, I would have had a different dress and different hair.

Oh, if I could do it over again, I would have had a different dress and different hair.

P.S. Mom, yours is coming in July and I promise I’ll use the picture from your phone. ;)

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On a Scale of 1-10

My godfather is my Uncle Ric. He’s my dad’s first cousin and since they were both only children, they grew up like brothers. The holidays, Christmas Eve, Easter and Father’s Day were spent with my dad’s side of the family (Father’s Day was shared) and Uncle Ric was always there. The adults would play cards. It was a tradition. Not Uncle Ric and Uncle Gerry. They chose to hang out with us kids. The conversations were always interesting and they usually began with Uncle Ric saying, “On a scale of 1-10, how do you feel about Christmas Eve?” We’d laugh and answer him and that always led to more and bigger discussions.

As I get older, one thing that becomes increasingly clear is how important family is. I am one of the lucky ones. I have great parents and had a great childhood filled with love, laughter and problems that were small (one car garage for 4 cars, never having any privacy and having to talk on the phone while in the closet to name a few). On top of that I had extended family that not only loved each other but liked each other as well and spent a lot of time together as a result.

As a kid, you think those moments are going to last forever. They don’t. People change. Life happens. Holiday celebrations change. Sometimes people grow apart and sometimes they grow closer. A godfather and a god-daughter go from being uncle and niece to friends.

When I think back on my relationship with Uncle Ric, a few memories come to mind:

1. For as long as I can remember, I’ve heard the story of how Uncle Ric was at the hospital the day I was born. I was the first child born on that side so I’m guessing it was probably a big deal. I know when my niece Natalie was born, we all raced to the hospital because it was so exciting that our family was growing.

2. I remember one Christmas I was sick and couldn’t go to my grandma and grandpa’s house. I was so bummed. I was very much into Barbies at the time and when my dad came home, he had a gift for me from my Uncle Ric (and Auntie Alice). It was the Barbie cruise ship . God, how I loved that ship. I remember thinking I had the coolest godfather ever!

3. Uncle Ric has the best laugh. It can be heard from across the room and you can’t help but laugh along with him. Hearing that laugh after saying something funny is the best feeling because you know there will be a chain reaction of more laughing.

4. I’ve never admitted this to anyone and it’s odd to do it here but I think it is too important not to mention. When we did the CF fundraiser, I gave a speech. It was the hardest thing I ever had to do. Year after year. I gained the courage by having my boys stand up at the podium with me. It was selfish of me. I thought I was making them feel special. Uncle Ric called me and asked if I thought about what that might be doing to them. That it might be detrimental to have a whole room staring at them while I am at the podium crying. I was offended and I remember saying, “I would never do anything to hurt my kids and I think I know what’s best for them.” Two years later, and I’m still ashamed to admit it, I realized he was right. He was so right. I watched the video of the event and I saw Nico up there struggling so much. Why didn’t I see that? How could I not have known? I told Nico I was sorry and we stopped doing the fundraiser shortly after that. The image of Nico up there still haunts me. I should have listened to Uncle Ric.

5. Twelve years ago, Uncle Ric started taking us to dinner every couple of months. I cannot tell you how much I absolutely love this tradition. We go to a lovely restaurant and spend the afternoon (or evening) talking and catching up. It was through these lunches that I learned about his time as a student in Italy. It’s at these lunches that I have felt encouraged with my writing. He makes Leo and I feel like the best parents and who doesn’t love that? He listens and I never feel judged. I listen and love how we have a genuine interest in each others’ lives.

This Christmas, Uncle Ric went above and beyond. The memory he has given my family is one that I will feel giddy each time I think about it. He surprised us with a phone call right after Christmas. He heard us talking on Christmas Eve about Nico getting his license and how he might be getting my in-laws’ car. It wasn’t for sure and I was saying that I would want to trade it in for one with 4 wheel drive. It was mostly Nico talking to my sister and I think Uncle Ric overheard it. He called and said he was in the market for a new car and would like to give his Jeep Liberty to Nico! Can you believe that? My jaw dropped in shock. He was going to give Nico his car! I still don’t even know what to say or how you even thank someone for that. We said yes and went and picked it up this past weekend.

See, here is the thing. Leo and I didn’t get a car when we turned 16 so Nico having a car was never about “everyone else has one”. Nico having a car is all about making our lives easier. Uncle Ric gave us the gift of ease. Nico is so active that I spend A LOT of time driving him places. If he has a car, he can be out with friends and if I need him to pick up Belle or Tommy, he can.

There is another gift I am not sure he knows he gave us. Not only has Nico been smiling a lot more but he is taking the responsibility seriously. It’s what propelled his want for a job. It’s made him think about his future which is making him care about his grades. I’m seeing him mature right before my eyes. He’s not all the way there but he’s at least joined the race. :)

Uncle Ric, if you are reading this, thank you. A million times, thank you! I am so lucky to have you in my life as an endless supporter of my dreams and an endless supporter of me.

And in case you are wondering, in my book, on a scale of 1-10, you are a 20! I love you!

Nico and Uncle Ric

Nico and Uncle Ric

 

Thanks, Shell for letting me:

 

 

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Time to Explain

I honestly would like to go back to the insanity that was summer camps and my only concern was driving back and forth to Wheaton North which is pretty much down the street.

Yesterday, I took Tommy to see a pediatric dermatologist. The bumps are back. They came back on Sunday. He begged me to take him to the hospital so that they could find out what they were and fix them. I couldn’t because if I brought him across the street to the hospital there, they wouldn’t do anything except give him a steroid which he was just on and it’s not good for kids with CF to be on steroids. We put him on it last week because his foot was so bad that there wasn’t much of a choice. I couldn’t take him to Lutheran General because it’s about 45 minutes away and it was snowing on Sunday night and the roads were bad. I know this because it took me 45 minutes to get to my parents’ house and normally it takes me 10 and I slid a couple of times which shaved off about 6 years of my life. Plus…and oh, how I love this one, Leo was leaving for out-of-town later that night (he couldn’t because flights were cancelled but it was scary for a second thinking how much help I’d need if they admitted Tommy if I did get there). So I gave him Advil and talked to our nurse that I love so much. He didn’t go to school Monday and she got us an appointment that thankfully was in Naperville which isn’t too far.

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I’ll spare you the details of the hour-long appointment that was filled with the young doctor looking at me in shock and saying, “Wow, you have A LOT on your plate” and just tell you that he needs a biopsy of one of the red bumps. She isn’t 100% sure it is Erythema Nodosum and can only be sure with a biopsy. Tommy was a little unhappy at the process because he said he wanted to make it through his life without stitches. While being anxious at finding out how to treat this once and for all, I find myself in one of those situations that brings me right back to when we found out Nico had CF. Go in thinking it is one thing and come out with something much worse. If you could spare a prayer, that would be so appreciated.

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There is a high chance that Nico will be diagnosed with ADHD. If you are shaking your head in wonder or shock, join the club. He was having a lot of trouble in some of his classes (all but one) and thinking it was a learning style/teaching style sort of thing (he is very hands-on/visual and all of his classes this year are lecture type and the one that is hands-on is really, really hard…chemistry), I sent him to his counselor. After talking with him, she suggested that seeing a doctor wouldn’t be a bad thing “to rule out” things that might be causing him to be so frustrated. Somehow, I ended up in a pediatric neuropsychologist’s office for six hours with Nico testing for ADD and depression. And then I ended up in a pediatric psychiatrist’s office with her telling me that she is 95% sure that he has ADHD. I was confused because he’s never shown signs of hyperactivity but she said they don’t really say ADD anymore and that it is under the umbrella of ADHD. His problem is focusing and concentrating and keeping the focus. Put him on a field or a court and all the focus and concentrating is right there. Once in a classroom, he walks out having tried to listen and coming up empty.

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I don’t care if he has ADHD. I don’t care about the label, the IEP, whatever. I just want him to not struggle so much. What scares me and what I am most upset about is the depression part. First, what 15yo kid isn’t somewhat depressed? I think I spent my whole high school career depressed. Friends hurt me, boys hurt me, classes were hard, teachers were jerks and there was a whole lot I wanted that I couldn’t have (freedom, money for the latest trend…). So the question is: What is normal teenage angst and when do you get help? I have a feeling I know why he feels the way he does. I think he has an inner struggle of knowing what to do and doing it. Academically, athletically and socially. He’s frustrated, tired and confused. And you know what? That is life. Life isn’t easy and we don’t just roll over and say, “We’re done.”

Ha! Let me just intervene here and tell you all that I started typing this on Monday after Nico’s doctor’s appointment and then crazy x’s 20 hit and here it is Thursday and I still can’t get it done and right now, I’d like to roll over and say, “I’m done!” I’d like to wave a white flag and say, “That’s it! You wore me down! I’ll be in my bed wrapped in my electric blanket in the fetal position humming the tune, ‘You’ve Had a Bad Day” with a bag of Milano cookies.”

Anyway, what was I saying? Oh, yes…life is hard and we have to find ways to deal. On top of all the regular teenage issues, Nico is going through a rebellious phase where being different is the last thing he wants or understands so he bucks the treatment/meds system. Remember what your last sinus infection felt like? That’s Nico’s normal. That would be enough to depress me a bit, wouldn’t you say?

 

Belle, sweet Belle has had her heart-broken so many times this year that the brick house finally fell on her. She’s regaining her twinkle but the self-doubt that follows after being put through the ringer is exhausting. As a mom, the best feeling is when your kids learn a hard lesson and come out smiling in the end. After many discussions, I am proud of Belle for realizing that her behavior needed to change and then worked hard to change it. The questions that turned things around for her:  “Do you like who you are when you are with that person?” or “Do you feel good after you leave?” If the answer to those questions is, “No” then you need to find other friends.

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Why am I explaining all of this? Because I am going on hiatus. I am a Grinch and I don’t need to spread the bah humbugs. I can’t be in the moment because some are scary and some kind of suck. Some are fine one moment and then blow up in my face. I am taking a break from Facebook and the blog and Twitter. Sometimes it just gets to be too much. Information is constantly coming in and I don’t have room in my brain to take it all in. My brain is overflowing with thoughts of biopsies, teenage troubles, ADHD, and the kids’ friends.

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I will post again when I find out what is going on with Tommy. If it isn’t before Christmas, have a very Merry Christmas!

If you need me, you can shoot me an email or a text. I’ll still be plugged into them once or twice a day but otherwise, I’m taking a computer vacation and don’t worry, there will be plenty of margaritas on this end so that it will feel like a real vacation. :)

 

 

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Better Late Than Never (Picture Post)

This is late but it’s not entirely my fault. For one, my blog wouldn’t let me upload pictures. And second, there was the promoting of TWO books…a dream come true. If you haven’t gotten yours yet, there are still a few sales going on.

If you want to laugh or feel like you are not alone in the craziness of motherhood, click here:

button1for meltdown bookIf you want to read how women in a club they don’t want to be in triumphed over tragedy or if you know anyone that could benefit from women that went through what they are going through, click here:

Grief book cover

 

Okay, now after those shameless plugs comes the part that is better late than never–Homecoming Pictures:

 

Kickoff. Nico's #31.

Going over the defensive game plan.

Going over the defensive game plan.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

He cleans up well. :)

 

The whole gang.

The whole gang.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Just the guys with some football sign.

 

Best buds since 4th grade.

Best buds since 4th grade.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

OMG, I'm short.

OMG, I’m short.

 

 

There you have it. Homecoming done for this year. One more game left in the football season. It’s been a wild ride.

 

P.S. I’m hoping to get back to my normal schedule of blogging and reading. If anyone knows where I can get a gadget that will stop time so I can get stuff done, that would help a lot. :)

 

 

 

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Some Favorite Words

This weekend was insanely busy. If ever there was a weekend that needed a day between Sunday and Monday, it was this weekend. The kids had off of school on Friday. Nico had an away game and Belle had a cheer competition. Saturday, Belle had another cheer event and Tommy had a game. It was our turn to bring snack, which of course meant a trip to Target for this procrastinator  a half hour before the game (went in for Gatorade and $120 later, I was out of there because I just had to get a few bins, some sweats, a few snacks and some things to keep Gia occupied at the game among other things). Saturday night, Leo and I had a surprise party that we thought we had a sitter for but turns out we instead had to pull out all the stops in order to go (so glad we did). Sunday, there was church and my sister’s for dinner. Along the way, there were a few words that were said that stuck in my head and made me smile when I thought about them. I’ve decided to share some with you to start off this week feeling happy:

“Gia is being so good.” (This was said at the cheer competition and again at the restaurant.)

“First place and a bid to state goes to…Wheaton Rams!”

“I think I’d rather be a leader than a follower.”

“She (the girl he asked to Homecoming) really liked the flowers and the way I asked.” (Since he scrapped the first idea and came to me for a different one, I felt especially proud.)

“That’s hilarious!”

“Yes, bring Gia here.” (Thanks, Mom.)

“Thanks, Mom.” (Said by Belle because I really do understand what it feels like to be a middle school girl.)

“I had so much fun hanging out with you. We should get together again.”

“So glad you made it out.”

“I love your blog.”

“I start my work day with your blog.”

“It’s my pleasure.” (This was said after I thanked Tommy for getting up early and going to church with me. It cracked me up.)

“Church makes me feel good.” (Said by Belle.)

“Wow, Mom. You’re really smart.” (Said by Nico while I was helping him with homework.)

“I love you more than Beanie Boos.” (This is the highest compliment from Gia at the moment.)

“You’re the best Mommy.” (Said by Gia after a really, really long weekend right before she fell asleep.)

So when later on in the week I am complaining about all of the mean things spewing out of my children’s mouths, you can remind me of this post.

What about you? Anything said to you this weekend that you’d like to remember because it made you smile?

 

 *Happy Birthday, Leo! I know today is your birthday but your post will be on Weds. Love you!

 

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Total Retraction

I wrote a post yesterday that I hate. I took it down because I sounded ungrateful. If you already read it, I’m sorry. I can only say I was caught at a moment when I was sitting in this house among many things that need to be fixed and was mad because I didn’t even know what to start with or how to start. Instead of whining about things that are old or new or husbands that don’t like change, I am going to turn lemons into lemonade.

1. I am finally getting a new car. It’s not new but it’s new to me and since I’ve had my Chevy Venture a lot longer than I should have and since it has been deemed a death trap (mostly by me), this a really good thing. What is even better is that it is a Honda Odyssey and I’ve wanted one forever. I am just happy that I’ll have a car that gets me from point A to point B without breaking down and there will be a DVD player to keep Gia occupied during the thousand carpools I’ll be in.

2. I would like to move. I want to move because what I thought I wanted in a house eight years ago has changed. That being said, this house has great potential and is in a great neighborhood. We haven’t done anything to it other than a few murals on the wall and Gia’s room so I need to start looking at some changes we can make to make this feel like it is our house instead of the owners before us. I’m excited to sit down with Leo and talk about some of the things we can do right now to keep my boredom and desire to move at bay.

3. Leo doesn’t like change and has a hard time letting go of things. Instead of wishing this was different, I am going to be thankful that when I am old and broken down, he will still not want to get rid of me. :) I’m not sure he’ll do much to fix me but at least he won’t want to trade me in for a new model.

4. Tommy is fully recovered from his concussion. The fact that he waits until he is five minutes late to try to find his uniform is not going to take away from the fact that I am grateful he is okay.

5. I am going to be grateful that Belle worked hard this weekend and spent the weekend the way she wanted. I’m going to ignore the fact that wherever there is a group of girls, drama is sure to follow.

6. Nico played a decent game and his team won on Friday night. I am going to try to forget that his nerves got the best of him this week, the pressure was on and he was in the worst mood all week long.

7. I love the time I spend with Gia. She reminds me to slow down and enjoy every moment. I am going to ignore the fact that if she could crawl back in the womb, she would.

8. I am grateful to all of you reading! I truly, truly appreciate all the love and support you throw my way!

Happy Sunday, Everyone!

What are your lemons you are turning into lemonade?

 

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I am NOT an Alarm Clock!

*Warning: I did not take my own advice and I wrote this mad. It might not stay up very long if I have writer’s remorse.

 

Dear Family that I love so very, very much,

I AM NOT AN ALARM CLOCK!!!!

I have reached my limit with trying to get you all to wake up. Every single night you ask me to make sure you get up early and every single morning, I wake you up and NOTHING! You don’t move. You don’t acknowledge that I’m nicely waking you up. I gently say your name a few times. I tell you what time it is and remind you that you asked me to wake you up early. The response? Either a whole lot of nothing or you roll over and go back to sleep. Then I leave only to have to go and try to get you up ten minutes later. I really love when you open your eyes as if I am some crazy person yelling at you to get up for no reason. I am tickled pink when you yell back at me not to shake you awake because that is the only way I know you have actually heard me and will attempt to wake up.

Here’s a newsflash Gubenko Family:

YOU ALL GO TO BED TOO LATE!!

The thing is, I don’t even care. It’s not a battle that I want to take on because we are all night owls over here. What I am going to say to you is that if you choose to stay up late, then you better damn well be able to get up the next morning and function. I go to bed later than all of you and still manage to wake up early enough to have this fight with all of you over the age of 3.

I’ve had it. Seriously had it. Things are going to change.

Leo: You have your own alarm clock. Set it and wake up to it. Every other week you have to take the boys to school. You know this. It does not take you five minutes to shower and dress and so help me God if you don’t get up early enough to take the garbage out on Tuesdays and not make the boys late, I will eat a whole bag of Oreos and a whole can of Salt and Vinegar Pringles on your side of the bed. I love you but you have some screwed up way of telling time that in 42 years has made you late more times than I care to count. If you think it goes unnoticed, you are wrong. Stop making everyone else late while saying, “I’m ready.”

Nico: Ughhh….Nico. Sweetheart, you set the entire morning. I know it sucks but you do. If you get in the shower late, everyone else does, too. It’s not fair to your friends that we take to school and it’s not fair to the twins who are trying to get ready for school. You are really close to getting a bucket of water thrown on you because besides buying a megaphone, I’m not sure what else will get you moving. Here’s the new deal: If you give me a hard time again and make my weekdays start off miserably, I am going to make it my job to make your weekends miserable. You know how you love hanging out with friends all day and all night on Saturdays? Roll over and ignore me one more time and you’ll be home all day and all night on Saturday. Obviously it will be to catch up on the sleep you so desperately need during the week.

Tommy and Belle: I’ll combine you two since I’ll say the same things. You guys go to bed too late. All of those episodes of Friends and King of Queens that you HAVE to watch? They are on the DVR. Watch one a day and you’ll still be able to get homework done and go to bed by 9. I’ve got news for you. You guys are about to be banned from the television. One more morning of you guys running out the door looking like orphans that stowed away on a boat to Ellis Island and it’s no more TV and bed by 8.

To all of you, you remember breakfast, right? It’s the meal you have after you wake up to start your day. If you wake up fifteen minutes earlier, you might enjoy it again. Or you might enjoy it sitting down with a fork instead of on the way to the bus in a package. Side note-if the PopTart is strawberry, it counts as a fruit, right?

You all love that I make your lunches so you don’t have to buy lunch at the cafeterias. I get it but why am I busting my ass to make all of you lunches to make your day a little easier when you are so difficult starting my day? I am going on strike. Until you start getting up when you are supposed to, I am not making lunches. I have bought you all alarm clocks. USE THEM! Nico, those birds chirping seem to keep you asleep. You need to pick a louder, more annoying one. Maybe a recording of me yelling, “GET UP! YOU ARE MAKING EVERYONE LATE!” Or how about “YOU’RE GROUNDED!”? That one seems to get you moving.

I love you, my dear family, but you are making me crazy and it’s only the first month of school!

Love,

A very tired and frustrated me

To all my readers: I’ll end this here since I have to go wake up Gia for school. Say a little prayer that she wakes up happy and not with her head spinning around spitting out pea soup.

Am I the only one that has a family like this? Please share.

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Funny Conversations Over Here

I need a tape recorder (do they still make those) to catch some of the conversations with my kids. I mean, we all do but I finally realized how funny it would be later on to replay them so the kids could see the topics they come up with and really, it’s not just the kids. Leo has a very selective memory so it would help to play back what he actually says. For instance, this was an actual conversation this past week:

Me: Did you talk to Mike? What’s going on with my car? (side note, it won’t accelerate making me feel like we are going to die each time I press the gas to go)

Leo: Yeah, it might be time. It’s the transmission.

Me (feeling pretty proud of myself): I knew it! I know nothing about cars but I knew that.

Leo: I always knew it was that. (of course he did) We are going to have to send an email to JB or talk to J and see about getting a new car. I mean, worse case scenario is that it breaks down on you and you are stranded somewhere.

Me: Well, there goes our Saturday. We are going to have to look for a new car. (I hate looking for cars. Hate it!)

Leo: Well, now it’s not an emergency or anything. (Seriously?! He doesn’t think me getting stranded and you know it will be with all four kids and when Gia has to poo is an emergency?!)

We spend a lot of time in the car. A lot. Some of the funniest conversations have been had in the front seat of my car. Here is what Tommy and Belle decided to discuss:

Belle: Do you know any guys that shave their armpits?

Tommy: Miley Cyrus

Belle: She isn’t a guy. I asked if any guys shave them.

Tommy: I know but she shaves them.

Belle: Did you not hear me say a guy? She’s a girl.

Tommy: But she shaves them.

Belle: I know but how do you not know that girls shave their armpits?

Tommy: I never said I didn’t.

Belle: Then why do you keep saying Miley Cyrus. Who

Me: You guys can find the smallest thing to argue about. Who cares who shaves their armpits?

Tommy was sitting in front and this little gem came from him:

Tommy: You know how we say twenty? We say twennie. Why don’t we say twenty? Twenty. Twen-ty. Twennie. Do we have an accent? Is that why we say twennie or is it because we don’t have an accent that we say it that way?

I’ll be honest. He had to repeat this part two or three times because one, I began zoning out and two, I didn’t know what the hell he was talking about.

I think I looked at him for a moment and then answered that we’ve always just said it like that.

Tommy: Do I have your hands?

Me (still in a haze from the last topic): What?

Tommy: Do we have the same hands? Let me see.

I showed him my hand and he said, “Ugh, we do. If I’m as short as you, I’ll kill myself.” I wasn’t shocked since Nico said the exact same thing at that age.

Me: That’s great, Tommy.

Tommy: Sorry, Mom. That’s how I feel. I mean, you have other great qualities but just not your height. Do you really want me to have your height?

Me: Nico said the same thing when he was your age and all of his friends were taller than him and look at him now.

Not even skipping a beat he went on to say:

Tommy: You know, I’ve never exceeded my expectations.

Me (admitting again to sort of zoning out): Hmm.

Tommy: You know, I have expectations of myself and I never go above what I want.

Me (thinking it was funny that he used the word ‘exceed’ to begin with): So you are going to live a life of disappointment?

Tommy: No, I am just going to lower my expectations.

That made me laugh because instead of working harder to meet them, he was just going to lower them.

Me: Really? That’s the answer?

Tommy: No because even if I lower them, I’ll know I can do better so even if I meet them, I’ll be disappointed  that I didn’t do better.

Me: So what is the answer then? (Trying to get him to say working harder might work.)

He was quiet and I thought he was thinking about it but then he came up with:

Tommy (as we were passing huge houses): Why do people always go with stairs. I wouldn’t. I’d just build ramps.

I just looked at him wondering how his little brain works or does it work overtime.

Tommy: Wait. Nevermind. I’d do stairs.

He and Isabella then went into a long discussion about how they would put their bodies if they were in an accident and the air bags went off and I finally got about ten minutes of daydreaming to the radio.

I bet you wish you could go on long car rides with us. :)

We were at a restaurant when I had this conversation:

Gia: Do they have juice here?

Me: No. Just water.

Gia (very loudly): Aw, dang it!

As I heard the gasps and snickers all around, I knew right then that my Mother of the Year award was a lock in.

Kids getting along

 

How is your weekend going? Any funny conversations on your end?

 

 

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Wisconsin Dells 2013

Every year the boys have had a baseball tournament in the Dells with the exception of the year that Nico went to Cooperstown (that I missed because I had an infant). Every year, my extended family goes to the Dells at the same time. Usually we have the tournament on the weekend and my family comes up on Sunday and we stay until Wednesday. This year the 4th of July screwed everything up or maybe Leo not being able to take off the days before the 4th screwed it up. I can’t remember the exact reason for it being screwed up but this year, everyone came up for the weekend. It was very hard balancing the baseball part with the family part. I felt bad for my nephew because he is Tommy’s bud and Tommy wasn’t around for some of the weekend. I think Tommy tried his best to include him in the after stuff with his friends. The way Tommy saw it was that Gino is his best friend so it would make sense for his best friend to hang out with his best friends from school. I still felt bad for Gino and Tommy. Being torn is an awful feeling. I know this because:

I was torn all weekend. I wanted to be at the baseball games but the other kids didn’t want to be there. In case you have forgotten while I was away, I have Nico, the 15-year-old…”if it isn’t my idea, it’s not a good one” and “why does everyone in this family do everything so early?” and Gia, the 3-year-old…”I’d like candy and chips for breakfast” and “I’m never going to sleep” and “I hate anything baseball related unless I am the one hitting the ball” and Belle, the 11-year-old…”why would I be at a baseball game when I can be at a water park with my cousin?” and “I’d like Caroline to do my hair every minute of the day”.  How many of Tommy’s games did I see, you ask? None. I had a sitter lined up if they went to the championship but Murphy’s Law hit again and they lost in the semi-finals.

I’m going to break this down by person and try not to make it terribly long.

Leo: At one point during the vacation, he looked at me and said, “You really don’t like me this weekend, do you?” The answer to that my friends is “No, I didn’t.” I cannot tell a lie and I know he had a hard job of coaching and had to be at the games but while he was there, I had the other three and in all honesty, Tommy is my easiest kid. After the games, I would have liked some help or some family-time but besides the blips of seeing him at dinner, Monday was the only day I really saw him. Let’s talk about dinner for a moment. The first one, Leo came, had a drink and left to have it with the team. Tommy stayed back with Gino (the look on Gino’s face when Tommy said he was staying is one I’ll remember forever). The second night, Leo came late which makes my blood boil because I hate when people have to wait for members of my family. The third night, he complained the ENTIRE meal after stressing me out by being nowhere to be found until two minutes before we were leaving. Apparently nowhere that we went knew how to make a dirty martini. Oh, the tragedy of first world problems.

On the second night, Leo completely exploded. Not without reason but just not the right time. I have nagged my kids to pick up after themselves and do their treatment, pretty much all summer. For some reason, on Saturday night, Leo hit his breaking point. Nico and Belle seem to handle that better than Tommy. They give it right back to Leo but Tommy gets upset. Gia just kept saying, “Can everyone be quiet so I can go to sleep?” I kept shushing them all because I am a rule-follower and he was yelling way past the quiet hour time.

I will give him credit for not getting mad that I spent way too much money at the outlet mall, drove us there after not sleeping for three days and was a good sport when we went into the Dells on Monday.

Nico: Oh, the joys of traveling with a teenager. One minute he was laughing hysterically with my sister, Gina and my niece, Natalie and the next he was complaining that something was wrong with him because he didn’t want to do anything and that his family “hates” him. We were trying to play a game and he was aggravating Belle until she made sounds that weren’t even human so I kept yelling at him to stop, you know…which means to him, his family “hates” him. One of the funnier times was when I watched a bartender flirt with him because you know…he’s my son and a big goof-ball so to see someone flirt with him made me laugh.

Tommy: I didn’t see much of Tommy. I didn’t get to go to any of his games which makes me sad. He is struggling a little bit with his hitting and is an emotional player so even when I do make his games, it’s sometimes hard to watch. He is a great fielder and turns a lot of double plays (so I am told) but that doesn’t matter to him. He wants to be a hitter. On Monday, we went to Ripley’s Believe it or Not for Tommy. He loves that stuff. I loved watching him explore it all.

Belle: Oh, Belle…my sweet, sweet Belle. For the most part, she was pretty self-sufficient but I got tired of the “Can I have…” and the “Can I go…” She and I bumped heads all weekend long and mostly about food. I just read a book called Letting Ana Go by Anonymous (it is written in the same style as Go Ask Alice) and it has sufficiently scared the hell out of me and how I talk to Belle about food. Every conversation ended with, “OMG! You think I’m fat!” For instance, “Belle I’d like you to have something besides donuts and Twizzlers for breakfast.” “OMG! You think I’m fat!” “Belle, we are going to dinner in a half hour. Don’t ruin your appetite with that brownie.” “OMG! You think I’m fat!” The other thing that drove me crazy was she wouldn’t eat anything at dinner (or lunch) saying her stomach hurt but then we’d leave and she’d ask for ice cream and then when I said no, she’d answer, “OMG! You think I’m fat!” Let me just add here that every conversation where she said this, I would tell her “You’re not fat…Twizzlers and donuts are not a nutritious breakfast (though, some could argue otherwise).” “You are not fat…I want you to eat your dinner.” “You are not fat. You didn’t eat your dinner because your stomach hurt so certainly, ice cream wouldn’t be good for it either.”

Gia: Believe it or not, besides the no sleeping and the eating donuts for breakfast, she was pretty good. She loved the water park and the arcade. She loved being with my mom. I loved that she loved being with my mom. It was a much different trip for her than last year. She sat in restaurants without us having to leave and showed a little bit of patience. She had no fear of the deer at the Deer Park and no fear when she rode the go-cart with Leo.

Gina: Had a lot of fun playing cards and sitting by the pool sharing food. We didn’t do laundry this time but we did work out together and caught up on each other’s lives. It reminded me of old times when we were inseparable. I wish I knew then that by wishing to grow up, we’d lose that.

Nikki: Ahhh…Nikki. I don’t get nearly as much time with Nikki back at home that I’d like. This trip with her was awesome! She made me laugh so hard I cried. She was so much fun at the pool and at the dinners. She is someone who I will forever love spending time with. She was very funny at the Deer Park. She is afraid of deer (I still don’t get this) so I saw her for about 30 seconds before she sprinted to the end.

LeeAnna: LeeAnna, along with my dad gave me the greatest gift ever. They took Gia on the MagicQuest. I had two or so hours to myself at the pool. Thank you, Lee and Dad! We also got to sit by each other during the meals because Gia and Frankie insisted on sitting together. This would have been fine anywhere else except we went to a restaurant where a train brings your food so the entire meal was spent with us saying, “Don’t touch! That’s not ours!” One of the funnier moments was when Marco (1) started taking other people’s food off and ended up causing the train to go off the tracks.

Chrissy: I didn’t get to see Chrissy much this vacation. She and her kids are early risers and my kids and I are late risers so as they were finishing things, we were starting them. She had the luxury of Vinnie being the same age as Gia was last year and it was HARD to keep them happy. Gia and I spent a whole lot of time in the hotel room last year. We made up for it by swinging by their new house on the way back and having dinner with them. Vinnie is one of Gia’s best buds so it was nice that they got to play.

Mom: I had so much fun with my mom at the pool and shopping. If ever I don’t want to spend money, my mom is not the one to go shopping with. She has been known to say, “Get it. You deserve it. You look gorgeous in it.” All things that twist my arm into buying more than I should. I love that about her. :) I love that my kids love my mom as much as they do. They were pretty much up her butt the whole weekend and I know she loved every minute of it. She is the kind of magnetic person…one that you can’t help but be drawn to.

Dad: My favorite part of the vacation with my dad was when I came up from working out and he was at the bar and talked me into having a drink with him, my mom and my sister, Nikki. He makes me laugh and I can talk to him for hours about anything. He is very easy-going so when I get stressed out, he has a calming effect on me…where he makes it seem like it is no big deal and that even though there is chaos around me, I am a good mom. I love that. Nico went golfing with him, he went to Tommy’s game, Gia did the MagicQuest with him and Belle walked around the Deer Park with him. All memories that they will treasure.

Deo, Santo and Ricky: Thank you for the drinks that you bought at the pool when I so clearly needed it and for the great conversations. I couldn’t ask for three better brothers.

For my baseball peeps, not being with you guys had nothing to do with you guys and everything to do with me not being very good at balancing the needs of all my kids. I love watching the games with you guys and feel very lucky to be a part of our baseball family. We have great kids that have clearly been raised by great parents.

So much for not making it long.

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So much excitement at the beginning of the trip!

cousins

Some of the cousins: Grace, Gabriella, Vinnie, Joey and Gia.

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 Family Dells

Gia Dells

This is pretty much how I felt at the end of vacation, too.

 

 

*There were a ton of other pictures I could have put on here but I don’t have permission from my sisters and parents so I won’t do it.

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