AnnMarie

Top Ten Favorite Movie and TV Characters

May 20, 2013 By AnnMarie

For months now, I have wanted to jump aboard the Monday Listicles over at The Good Life. I love a good list and it helps me keep things concise and not ramble. Since this week’s list topic comes courtesy of two of my favorite bloggers ever, Ashley and Lisa from The Dose of Reality, I knew this was the week to jump in.

Top Ten Favorite Movie or TV Characters. I am going to do my top ten favorite bad boys (of course I am).

1. You know he’s my number one. The crush that I don’t see going away anytime soon. Tim Riggins. The bad boy of Friday Night Lights. He lived by no rules other than “No regrets” but fell in love with Lyla and tried to change. He still managed to find himself making bad decisions but he was a good guy who was just a little lost.

2. Sawyer from Lost. The long hair, the stubble, the sense of humor. When he loved, he loved with all his heart and oh, how I would have loved to have been Kate.

3. Kelly Severide from Chicago Fire. There are two hot guys in this series. The one that makes all the right decisions and the one that makes all the wrong ones. Which one do I love? The one that is shooting up with pain meds in this video.

4. Tristan from Legends of the Fall. A bad boy who loves his brothers, loves his father and isn’t afraid to cry. The girl he is about to kiss in the below video, that would be his brother’s fiance. I think this is where my “loving guys with long hair” started. Don’t watch this video in front of your kids. HOT!

5. Tyler from Step Up. He started out in a bad crowd, ended up doing penance in the dance school he trashed and fell in love with the girl. Plus, his dancing…HOT.

6. Johnny from Dirty Dancing. He was the bad boy who stole Baby’s heart. They thought he got a girl pregnant. They thought he stole from the guests. All he wanted to do was matter and not be a boy toy to all the old, lonely, wealthy women.

7. Dallas from The Outsiders. He was bad, bad, bad…probably the wildest of the Greasers from that crowd but he had a big heart when it came to Johnny. Plus he saved a bunch of kids from a burning church. I think Cherry could have changed him if she had the chance.

8. Doug from ER. He was a player. A heartbreaker and broke Carol’s heart more times than we can count but he loved her. We all saw it and watched several seasons waiting for them to be together. Plus George Clooney is hot.

9. Billy from The Departed. Okay, technically he was a good guy pretending to be a bad guy but I loved his character in this. He was a troubled cop that was way in over his head. Sleeping with his therapist who was engaged to the dirty cop didn’t help. This is one hot kiss. Another one not to watch in front of the kiddies.

10. Steve “Patch” from Days of Our Lives. This is an oldie but a goodie. He was an outcast, no good. He met Kayla and turned into a good guy. It didn’t happen that fast but those of us that were fans hung onto every minute of it.

I know I missed a ton so help me out, who are your favorite bad boys turned good?

Filed Under: Blogging, Friday Night Lights, Listicles 30 Comments

They Still Surprise Me: Funny Things Said and Done

May 17, 2013 By AnnMarie

After such a heavy post yesterday, I thought I’d lighten it up with some things that my kids have said and done that have surprised me.

Gia’s latest things she says:

“I need some lovin’s” (when she wants me to stop what I am doing and pay attention to her, this means head over to the couch and give some hugs and kisses).

When I ask her to clean up her mess, she answers with, “I’m not strong enough.”

It’s always a proud “mommy moment” when she gets frustrated in public and yells, “What the heck?!”

But then she goes and does this so how can I stay mad ever?

Before this was taken, she belted this song out in Target. I sat there shocked and she looked at me when she was done and said, “Are you impressed?”

We went to the zoo and she surprised me yet again with wanting to pet the sting rays. At first she was so scared, she clung to my neck. Then the lure of touching them won and she went for it. If you look closely, you can see the sting ray in the water.

Nico surprised me by driving really well on the main roads and then parking better than I do. I still dread having to pick him up or take him anywhere because the first thing he asks is, “Can I drive?” Most times I just want to get where I have to get and not want to vomit the entire time so I would like to always say no.

He also surprised me when he said, “I know I’m annoying but I am going to keep asking to drive and keep asking for sleepovers in case the answer might be yes.” At least he admits he’s annoying but as far as sleepovers, he needs to get over it because it’s not happening.

Tommy and Isabella both surprised me by stepping out of their comfort zone to make someone feel more comfortable in unfamiliar surroundings. I can’t show a picture because I don’t have permission to show the little girl that they became friends with. I am so proud of them and it reminded me of how kind they can be and that maybe, just maybe…I’ve taught them well.

Finally, this surprised the heck out of me and is a sign that she watches waaaay too much TV that isn’t really for her age (or the twins’ age) but is sure cracked me up:

What have your kids done or said lately that has surprised you?

Linking up with Mama Kat’s Writer’s Workshop:

Filed Under: Writing Prompt 19 Comments

Meds or No Meds?

May 15, 2013 By AnnMarie

Disclaimer: Once again, I am probably over-sharing but again, this blog is an honest look at parenthood and marriage and if one person can relate, then it is worth sharing.

I wrote a post almost a year ago called Would Meds Help? I bared my soul and I think it has been my most viewed and commented post. Obviously, it is a hot topic and one that is hard to talk about.

I was miserable a year ago and if you asked me why, I don’t think it was one thing. I started having panic attacks where I would feel paralyzed to even go out of my house. Nico was getting older and wanting more and more freedoms that I wasn’t prepared to give him. Isabella was having friend issues, Tommy was having some health issues and Gia was two (enough said). There were so many changes and nothing felt like it had before. Friendships changed for all of us and trying to find a happy, balanced place was tough. Leo is a social guy and I don’t even think he knew how bad I was feeling. I think he just chalked it up to me being anti-social. Nico going into high school scared me for so many different reasons. A big one was that hospitals aren’t filled with elementary school children that have CF, they are filled with high school kids that have it. When I look back at that time, I remember feeling worse because I had everything I wanted and still felt anxious, sad, and mad all the time. I kept wondering if I should go back on antidepressants. I went back and forth. I didn’t want to. I wanted to be strong and overcome it all myself. I didn’t want to rely on taking a pill to feel happy. Why couldn’t exercise be my thing? Why couldn’t I relieve my anxiety that way? Then maybe I’d lose the baby weight I was still carrying that was depressing all in itself.

I finally talked to my doctor and at my request, he put me back on Prozac. It had worked for me before so I felt okay going back on it. It didn’t work and I gained 8lbs while on it. I was miserable. Then I was afraid to go back on anything because I was afraid to gain more weight and still not feel okay. I stopped taking it cold turkey which my doctor didn’t like. He gave me Attivan and said to take it as needed. That’s not what I wanted. I didn’t want a pill that I had to take when I started feeling anxious. I was always feeling that way. It felt more like a “happy” pill. I’d take it and instantly feel more relaxed but yes, you guessed it, I was afraid to take it. It made me sleepy and with four kids and a husband that coaches and travels, I couldn’t afford to be sleepy when I had to be “on”. I didn’t take it very often but with Nico being a freshman and going out on the weekends, I did take it a few times.

I wanted something that would help me feel balanced…even-keeled. I tried going back to church, I did a bible study on my own, I prayed like crazy. I wanted to feel better. I wanted to be the person that in my head I knew I could be-grateful for the blessings in my life, strong enough to handle the crap that life slings at you and happy. Content. I wanted to feel joy again. And not joy laced with fear or anxiety or dark thoughts of what the future might hold (sickness or worse, death).

I found myself in my doctor’s office with three sick kids, crying to my doctor. I love my doctor. He looked at me and said, “There is no shame in wanting to feel better.” And at that moment, I really, really wanted to feel better. I didn’t want to feel like I was walking through sludge to get through life. I didn’t want to keep wishing away my kids’ childhoods because I felt like I was going crazy. Four kids= four sets of problems. Problems that even though they were dealing with them, my heart was breaking for them. My mind was reeling at night with all that they were dealing with.

You know that sick pit in your stomach that keeps you awake at night worrying? I wanted to get rid of that. I know the worry won’t ever stop. It comes with being a mom but that sick pit of thinking of every single worse case scenario, I wanted that to go away.

He put me on Wellbutrin and Prozac. My first fear was that I was going to feel “drugged out” which would be the biggest irony ever since I managed to get through high school and college without ever doing drugs. He assured me I would not. I started taking them after the CF fundraiser that I went to in January. I noticed right away that something was happening. After I’d take the Wellbutrin, I’d feel a calm wash over me. That lasted a week and then I just felt better. Calmer. Balanced. The best part was that because I felt better, for the first time in a long time, I felt committed to changing things in my life. One was the way I ate. I’ve already talked about the 17 Day Diet and I finally had the energy to make some changes. The weight finally came off. I don’t care what anyone says (including my therapist that insisted that even if I lost the 10-15 extra pounds, I’d still be unhappy), that felt GOOD. Another was that I stopped doing things I didn’t want to do. I stopped feeling guilty for being an introvert. This is who I am right now. I know some of you are thinking I’m crazy to think I am an introvert and maybe that is too strong. Maybe a hermit is a better word.

I knew the meds were working when Tommy almost passed out from his 6th grade shots. Before I took the meds, I would have been crying and freaking out. I wasn’t. It was kind of nice sitting there thinking, I should be freaking out but I’m not. The second time I knew they were working was Spring Break. I felt a way that I have never felt before when planning on going to Florida. I looked forward to it. Looked forward to moving forward in a positive way. I will say that though I felt good about it overall, it takes more than meds for some situations.

Are the meds a cure-all for Angry/Sad/Anxious Mommy? No. I still get mad. I still get frustrated. I still hate the same things I hated before (sleepovers, parties, drama). I still think about things that have caused me pain and feel sad. I still worry but I sleep better, I feel better and I no longer feel like the only way I am going to get through life is by shutting people out and hiding in my house (okay, the hiding in my house is because I want to, not because I think that is the only way to live).

No one talks about how hard this is. No one talks about how Motherhood and the movie “Ground Hog Day” are pretty much the same thing. That each day you get lost in a messy house, crying kids, carpools, cooking, diapers, homework, smart mouths and no sleep and you have to find the happiness in there so that you can be the mom you want to be. That’s hard. Throw in some extra issues like trouble in school, kids not reaching the milestones they are supposed to, trouble with friends, girlfriends, boyfriends or any special need and it is downright impossible to plaster a smile on your face and act like everything is okay.

I am mad at myself that I waited so long to get help. I could have felt this way earlier had I not been ashamed to admit that I needed help. I am telling you this, not only because I suffer from over-sharing but because I don’t want to be anything less than honest and I think if people are unhappy or feel unbalanced, they shouldn’t be afraid to ask for help. Life is short. Why spend it any other way than happy? And…if you can’t get there on your own, there is help to get you there.

Maybe someone is reading this that is ashamed to ask for help. Don’t be. Maybe someone is reading this and is on meds themselves and this made them feel less alone. I hope so. Either way, I stand by what I truly believe. Everyone is different and what works for some might not work for others. No judgements either way. We all do what we have to in order to be okay. This is what is working for me and I am okay with it.

Filed Under: Changes, Happiness, Parenthood, Pour Your Heart Out 29 Comments

Happy Mother’s Day! A Word From the Gubenko Kids

May 12, 2013 By AnnMarie

As I shuffle my kids and Leo out of the house to go visit Leo’s mom who is now home from Florida for the summer, the irony hits me. I love being a mom. Today is Mother’s Day and I am looking forward to a few hours to myself. Irony at its finest. I wrote a post for my dear friend Meredith over at The Mom of the Year about when I feel like Mom of the Year. To see that post click here. Chris from The Mom Cafe also did a post for Meredith and I loved how she did it. She let her kids decide why she should be.

I thought this sounded like a great idea so I asked my kids and they didn’t even fight me on writing their lists.

Nico’s:

My mom would win the award because she is loving and cares about us. As much as I wish she would care less just so I can do more, I wouldn’t change her one bit. She is always there when I need her through tough times and good times. I love her so much and hope the blog can be the start to her writing career. Happy Mother’s Day, Mom.

(I punctuated and fixed the spelling so it would read easier. )

Belle’s letter:

Dear Mom, you should be mom of the year because you are always there for me. I tell you Everything! We have a special bond that I think is awesome. I don’t know what I would without you. I couldn’t ask for a better mom. you’re the best mom in the whole world. You’re my best friend. I love you so so so much. You definitely deserve mom of the year. I love you and everything I wrote is true. You’re the best and I love you soooo much!

(Obviously we need to work on your and you’re.)

Tommy’s letter:

My mom is the Best! I think my mom should win the mom of the year by far! My mom has the love, the brain, the cooking, the cuddles, the help, the muscles, the beauty and of course more love. I love my mom with all my heart and soul and I hope she does, too. My mom is the Best mom I could ever have and that is why my mom should win the mom of the year!

(I feel lucky that he included the “brain” but not sure where the “help” is coming from.)

Gia’s letter:

Mommy is the best mommy ever because I love her. She is the best. She is beautiful. She is nice. I like cuddling with her. I like to eat candy with her. I like to play with her to do stuff: church, Barbies, towers and walks. I love Mommy so much.

(Gia dictated to Belle who wrote it down in case you were wondering whether Gia is a 3-year-old genius.)

I, of course, cried when I read them. It feels good to feel loved and to feel like through all the chaos and battles, they know that I love them.

Happy Mother’s Day to all of you moms out there, to all the Godmothers, aunts, grandmas, moms with angels in Heaven and women who are mom’s in their heart but life hasn’t caught up yet.

Filed Under: Gia, Holidays, Isabella, Love, Nico, Parenting, Tommy 30 Comments

5 Things Keeping Me From Blogging

May 11, 2013 By AnnMarie

This week was insanely busy. I know I do posts all the time about the chaos over here and it seems that will be the case until Gia goes to college. I love blogging. I love reading blogs and I love keeping up with the friends I have made through blogging. I didn’t realize until this week that all of those things keep me sane as well. Without these things, this week drove me a little crazy. Here’s what kept me away:

1. Doctor’s appointments. Besides the ones I missed, I had a few others. I am happy to say that we got great news. An answer to prayers. Nico does NOT need surgery! When I took Tommy to get checked, Nico had the same symptoms so the doctor had assumed he’d need the surgery as well. With his history, I thought that would for sure be the case. He put him on a new medicine and I was to bring him to see the doctor in ten days. The new medicine has worked and he’s feeling better and his sinuses look pretty good (or at least as good as they can get). We are ecstatic about this. It was a huge life lesson for Nico. If you take the medicine that the doctor gives you consistently, you will feel better.

2. Cleaning. This is not my strongest attribute. I hate cleaning but I love having a clean house so this week, I made the effort to clean up after every one of the kids’ messes. Well, I did that for Gia. For the older kids, there was a lot nagging to get them to clean up after themselves. I love the way my house looks but I am exhausted. To be fair, the cleaning lady came and did the bathrooms and the floors but I am proud of the fact that the house was all picked up and clean so that she could do what she needed to. I am even prouder of the fact that these pictures were taken this morning and the house is still clean. Again, it’s been exhausting.

3. Other writing. I was hit with a creative windstorm this week and have been rewriting and adding to some of my existing writing. Will I do anything with it? Maybe someday but for now, I am loving getting lost in the characters and story.

4. Baseball, basketball, Gia’s last ballet class, Belle’s dance classes, school stuff. I think I put more miles on my car this week than we did driving to Indiana. Enough said, really.

5. The last reason is a good one. I stepped away this week to really spend time with the kids.

With a little help from the sibs.

I am hoping to get back on schedule and figure out how to clean, spend time with the kids and blog at the same time. Wish me luck or send some tips.

I received the best Mother’s Day gift from a few bloggers. Mommifried, A Dish of Daily Life and Writer Mom’s Blog are hosting a Ladies Only Blog Share on the Joys of Motherhood and they featured me! Thank you, Ladies! I am honored and will link up and read and follow some new bloggers. Can’t wait!

Tune in tomorrow for a blog done by my kids. If you are busy and don’t get to it, Happy Mother’s Day to all the Moms out there, women who are still waiting to be moms or mom’s whose children are in Heaven.

Filed Under: Blogging, chaos 22 Comments

Wonderful Day: Mom Fail

May 8, 2013 By AnnMarie

This is one of those posts that I am giving you all. I am giving you the gift of feeling like you have it together. You are making it work. You are going to read this and say to yourself, “Wow, okay…at least I am not that scatterbrained.” Consider it an early Mother’s Day gift.

Yesterday did not start out well. Gia woke up at 3:00am and was ready to start the day. Our day started with Arthur on the TV and me sleeping next to Gia on the couch. Nico had to get up early to go to basketball and would.not.get.up. He was getting picked up and since Gia was already awake, I lost my voice by about…6:10. Nico left and Gia and I fell asleep on the couch. This made everything else rushed because I woke up late to get the kids out of the house. Where was Leo? Sleeping because, “He isn’t feeling that great.” Everyone made it out the door (not sure if they ate breakfast…first mom fail) and Gia made it to school only ten minutes late (there is a 20 minute grace period where the kids have free play).

You know with the four hours I get every week while Gia is at school, I never know what to do with that time. Clean? Write? Shop? Catch up on reading? Meet with friends? Sleep? What is the best way to use those four hours? I needed to go to Kohl’s and buy a few necessities. If you are a guy, skip this part. Ladies, I know you can identify with what the aging process and having several kids can do to certain parts of your body. Let’s just say that had I not gone to Kohl’s, when I exercised, certain parts of my body were at risk for hitting my knees. Now that I went to Kohl’s, I am back to being afraid those parts will hit me in the face if I attempt to run.

Okay, guys…you can start reading from here. While at Kohl’s, I ran into a good friend of mine (P.L.) and we chatted probably longer than we should have in the JLo section of Kohl’s. We decided that going to lunch would be a better place to catch up and headed to Caliendo’s for the Chicken Parmesan Wrap that I was craving. We decided to sit outside and when I went to walk up the cement stairs, I tripped, stubbing my big toe and splitting the nail. I don’t know what hurt worse, tripping up the stairs in front of people eating on the patio there and in front of two main streets or the throbbing in my toe. How P.L. didn’t laugh, I have no idea. I hate the feeling of falling.

Anyway, it was a great way to spend the four hours and I am so glad we got to spend some time together.

And then…

I picked Gia up, went to Target, Nico came home, the twins came home, I made dinner (we were all going to have dinner together because we had no games or practices), I took Nico to Driver’s Ed, I went home and took the dinner out. I went and got Nico happy with myself that I was ahead of the game. Dinner was ready and we were going to get our Norman Rockwell evening. I walked in the door to a FREAKING out Belle.

“MOM!!! TONIGHT IS THE MONROE MEETING FOR PARENTS! YOU MISSED IT!” Hate that feeling more than falling. Monroe is the middle school where the twins are going next year (how did that happen) and though it wasn’t mandatory, there is a new principal and I wanted to hear the changes that have happened since Nico left (and there were a few). I grabbed the paper and saw that I had five minutes to get there. I hurried out of my workout clothes (that went unused), put some make-up on and thought, “Hmmm…after this maybe I can sneak out to Barnes and Noble and the night won’t be lost.” Not likely. Leo called and was right by the school and should he meet me there? I originally said no but then said yes. Left the house in a hurry telling Nico to make sure the kids ate. Dinner was ready and on the stove. Mom fail number 2.

I went to the meeting and while sitting there listening to things I already knew and praying that the twins would have a better experience and maybe not have a few of the same teachers that Nico did, a thought came to me. I have to do that all over again in 8 years. 8 years! Except in 8 years all of the friends I was sitting with would be gone. I would be the only one left. I’ll be the old parent in a crowd of young parents. L.C., remind me again, are our two kids going to be in the same grade? Will we at least have each other? I know one other mom, our kids go to Parents’ Day Out together and at least she’ll be there with me. After I had that thought, paying attention was out of the question and every thought led back to the fact that I was going to be around these schools forever.

Leo and I called the house to see if there was any food left over and Belle informed us that they were all outside. I guess in my rush to get to the meeting, I neglected to remind them that when we are gone, they aren’t allowed outside. Mom fail number 3. Belle said there was no food so we ordered them back in the house while we went across the street for Leo to get soup because “he wasn’t feeling that great.”

We got home to find the house completely trashed, food everywhere, Gia asleep in my bed, no treatments done and the kids sitting in front of the TV. I was livid. Mom fail number 4 because I’m obviously raising children that are slobs.

The biggest mom fail came when as I was cleaning the kitchen and happened to glance at the calendar and saw in big letters: Tommy: TDAP shot: 11:00 I completely forgot his appointment! Usually I get a reminder call but I didn’t. I guess they don’t give them for nurse’s visits or they figure no responsible mom is going to FORGET her child’s immunization appointment.

Still had a wonderful day with my friend and there is always today to be that “Put together mom that knows what she is doing.”

In case you are wondering, I only tripped but I guess when you are over 40, a trip feels like a truck hit you because I was sore last night and sore this morning. A little reminder of how graceful I am.

What about you? Ever forget an important meeting or appointment?

Filed Under: Mom Fails, Odd things that happen in my family, Parenting 15 Comments

Weekend Funnies

May 6, 2013 By AnnMarie

I was supposed to have a day to myself. One to catch my breath. We were supposed to have a family day. We haven’t in a long time unless you count the drive back from Indiana. I don’t think you can count wanting to kill your siblings as family time.

Family time started with going to Tommy’s game. I got there just in time to see him not catch a ball in left field. I stayed to see him bat and when he struck out and was beside himself (when will he learn that there is no crying in baseball?), I went over to the dugout and he wouldn’t look at me. I asked him if he wanted us to leave and he said yes. That sucked for so many reasons. I finally made it to a game and was asked to leave by my son. I guess that is really the only reason it sucked. Oh, wait, it also sucked that as soon as I left, he hit a ball to the fence and did okay in the field. Guess it really is me.

Then…I took Nico driving. Friends, I might not make it through this milestone. I am not the first person that has a 15-year-old with a permit but why, why didn’t all of you who have gone before me talk about how unbelievably stressful and vomit-inducing of an experience it is to sit in the passenger seat while your child, the same child that thought it would be fun to jump down a flight of stairs just to see if he could, learns how to brake and turn A CAR! I took him to a nearby subdivision that has a somewhat busy but not really busy main road. I vowed I would be calm while he drove. I would be the parent that was encouraging without yelling or making him feel like driving was the hardest thing to do. He would look back on this time and feel grateful that his mom made this time less scary. Long story short, at one point we were headed to County Farm Road (if you don’t know what that is, it is a REALLY busy road) because he missed a turn I told him to take and I put my foot on the dashboard, you know…on the brake I wish was there, covered my eyes and screamed, “OH MY GOD, WE’RE GOING TO DIE!!!” I didn’t see that there was one more turn we could make before getting there. I freaked again when a cop car was behind us and when we passed a party that had cars parked on both sides of the road leaving a narrow road and a car was behind him so he went a little faster than I would have liked. He did really well. It was me that didn’t. Leo took him later and he drove to Target and back so there you go. At some point, he is going to ask me to let him drive to Target and back and I’m going to have to let him do it. Is it possible for me to avoid him until he gets his license?

Remember how I said getting Nico up was a problem? We bought him this high-techy iPod alarm so that he could charge his phone and wake up on time. It has been going off every ten minutes. We read the directions and can’t seem to figure it out. This, my friends, is what we call KARMA.

Today was the first day that I can remember that Leo and Nico left on time. So far, I love the hard to understand, might be broken alarm.

I didn’t get my day this weekend and I am not sure I will this week but this Mother’s Day? It’s going to be spent exactly how I want. I’m going to sleep in, spend some time with the kids, they are going to go to Leo’s mom’s while I go to Barnes and Noble and then I’ll meet up with them again at my sister’s to celebrate my mom. And that, my friends, is a day well spent!

What about you? Ever been asked to leave a game by your child? Any driving with teen tips? How are you hoping to spend your Mother’s Day?

Filed Under: Family, Nico, Random Thoughts, Tommy 18 Comments

Six Thoughts for Saturday

May 4, 2013 By AnnMarie

When I use numbers, it’s easier for me to narrow down what I am thinking about. Otherwise, I’ll write like I talk and that is a lot.

1. I really, really love our dentist, Dr. Dykes and my kids’ orthodontist, Dr. Golden. I think they are the most trustworthy people in the dental field. Both could take us for a lot of money because what do I know about teeth? They never do things just because they can. They always do what is best for the patient. I will forever be grateful to Dr. Dykes for sending me to get my tongue looked at. It ended up a little bit of a nightmare but had I not gotten it taken care of, it could have been a lot worse. Belle and Nico both have cavities and need fillings but I am rest assured that they truly need them because he’s been watching those areas for a little bit and they haven’t gone away. Dr. Golden saw both Tommy and Isabella and said at this time, they do not need braces. I thought for sure that they were going to. Right there, $10,000 saved.

2. I am soooo behind on reading blogs. I am hoping to catch up tonight. I’m buying myself some wine to sit, read and enjoy. Please know that if you haven’t seen me around, it’s only because I am insanely busy. I try to read blogs from my phone while in carpool lines or dentist’s offices but can’t comment on them. I miss you all!

3. I need someone who has or had teenagers to please tell me how you get them to MOVE. I am very close to buying 5 alarm clocks and setting them myself to get Nico to wake up and get a move on. It is causing major issues over here, one being that I am mad at him all the time. Am I not supposed to say that? Is he going to read this years from now and feel bad? Um…I don’t really care because at the moment, he changes the atmosphere in this house. I can’t turn around and play Doc McStuffins with a smile on my face when I just finished yelling for Nico to get in the shower or do his treatment for the 5th time.

4. I need prayers that the surgeon can fit Nico’s surgery in sooner than the July 15th date they gave me. I see him on Friday and Nico sounds awful. I don’t know how to get him some relief. Meds aren’t working and unless I am up his butt, he doesn’t do what he is supposed to. In case you haven’t figured it out, Nico is a little exhausting these days.

5. We just got back from the ER. Yes, you read that right. Belle and Gia were running away from an ANT and Belle accidentally tripped Gia, who fell on her face. You know how they say the head and the mouth bleed a lot? They aren’t kidding. Blood everywhere. And after 15 years at this gig, did I stay calm? No, I did not. I panicked so much so that Nico, just like Leo kept telling me to stop freaking out and it was ridiculous to take her to the ER. Isn’t that lovely to hear from my 15-year-old when I am mid-panic? Plus I am getting no Mother of the Year award for not reassuring Belle that it was okay and was an accident. It would have helped if she didn’t call me or text me every two minutes while I was gone, with the nurse or with the doctor. When I finally talked to her and told her that it was okay and was an accident, she insisted that it was not. It was like banging my already throbbing head against a wall.

6. This week was a tough one. Leo was gone. Dentist appointments galore. Running around from one carpool to the next. Finding out the boys need surgery. A frustrated teen. Unexpected basketball games. A canceled birthday celebration (an example of walking the walk after talking the talk…your party, you help…you don’t help, no party). So, I decided that I am not going to go to any games this weekend. Leo is going to them all. And I don’t feel one ounce of guilt. Thank you L.B. for freeing me of it. My house looks like a battleground, I can’t remember the last time I washed my hair (yep, that bad of a week) and there is a headache lurking that I’m afraid if I go to any sporting events will develop into a full-blown migraine.

I’m looking forward to next week. Tomorrow is a new day with a fresh start. It seems strange already thinking of tomorrow’s fresh start when it is only 1:30 in the afternoon. Strange or sad?

What are some of your thoughts on this Saturday?

Filed Under: chaos, Family, Gia, Odd things that happen in my family, Random Thoughts, Uncategorized 20 Comments

Still {International Bereaved Mother’s Day}

May 2, 2013 By AnnMarie

In a moment during which I should be overjoyed, I am overcome.

Sunday May 5th is International Bereaved Mother’s Day. This is a day to honor the mother’s who are not able to celebrate with their child, but still deserve to be honored. Let’s #BreaktheSilence

For more about International Bereaved Mothers Day, please be sure to visit the CarlyMarie Project.

To honor the bereaved mothers, including myself, several bloggers have joined together to host a linkup. We encourage anyone who has suffered a loss of a baby or a child to link your story. Share your grief. Or how you have healed. You can share successes and how you have moved on or dealt with your loss. It can be an old post or a new post, or several posts if you have more than one you’d like to contribute.

This is our opportunity to share what is on our hearts. Our day to share with other mothers who understand and for those who may not have experienced this to read a little more into our hearts. #BreaktheSilence

Please be sure to visit the co-hosts!

Filed Under: Blogging, Grief, Loss 13 Comments

I Misplaced My Cape

May 1, 2013 By AnnMarie

Yesterday had all the potential in the world of being one of those days where everything went right. I could have been the hero that my children looked at with admiration at the end of the day. One that they would look back on and say, “That was a great memory”. It started a little shaky when Gia woke up at 5:30am and wanted to go downstairs and eat at 6:00. That is really early for Gia (and me). Gia and Tommy were the only ones going to school at the normal time so I went about making lunches and getting everybody up and showered. Nico and Isabella had an orthodontist appointment.

Immediately, Belle started in with a stomach ache. Nico complained that he didn’t feel good and that his throat was killing him. Just once, I’d love to wake up, have the kids jump out of bed, get themselves ready and not complain about some ache or pain. I think I have a better chance of Gia reading War and Peace right now at age 3 than that ever happening.

Everyone got to school on time and we got to the ortho early. While waiting for the kids to be called back, Nico saw on Twitter that the high school had another fire happen (it turned out to be an experiment that generated a lot of smoke causing the alarms to go off). The last time which was on his birthday, the day was a wash and he was mad that I didn’t excuse him. He kept checking to see what was going on and when he said that everyone was on the football field, I made the mistake of saying, “Maybe we should go get your permit instead of having you miss another day” so I am sure that all thoughts of returning to school flew out the window.

It turns out that Isabella doesn’t need braces at the moment. I love our orthodontist. I love that he is the most trustworthy dentist that I have ever encountered. I never get the feeling that he does things just because he can. I feel like he really looks at each kid and thoughtfully thinks about how he can help or whether he can help. Sometimes it is yes and sometimes it is no. For both Tommy and Belle, he says to wait and he thinks some of the issues will work their way out. I love that he could have made $10,000 and instead saved me that money. I am pretty sure Belle will end up needing them but she doesn’t right now. Yay! The day was off to a great start!

You would think that Belle would feel better after she found out she didn’t need braces but she worked herself up in such a state of anxiety that her stomach still hurt and then her head hurt from having to keep her mouth open for so long. It didn’t make sense to me to bring her back to school, only to have her call me to come get her when I had to get Tommy at 2 for his doctor’s appointment (yes, all the appointments on the one day a week when I can do what I want because Gia is in school).

We decided to take Nico for his permit which had me really nervous because it is about a half hour away and we all know how crazy the DMV can be and I needed to pick Gia up around 1:15. We got there to see a HUGE line out the door. I looked at Nico and said, “Forget it.” He claimed the line was moving fast so we stood there for about five minutes before someone graciously told us we were in the wrong line. From that point on, it went pretty fast. He passed and got his permit so see, should be a great day. One for the books.

It was all downhill from there.

We had plenty of time to get some lunch so we celebrated at a Mexican restaurant that I really like near Gia’s school. I don’t know if we were wearing an invisibility cloak or gave off the vibe that we had all afternoon but it took forever for our waiter to do anything. Oh, and in case you are wondering, going for Mexican food with a kid that already had a stomach ache is probably license to hear complaining for the rest of the afternoon. We made it just in time to get Gia. She was thrilled to see Nico and Belle. It was cute because she can be pretty mean to Nico so to see her rush into his arms made my heart squeeze a little.

We got home with about 15 minutes to spare before we had to get Tommy so I let Nico drive around the block. He did fine but I can already see myself being annoying with “Brake…okay…brake…brake” and I am hoping I hid that I felt like throwing up the whole time.

I left to get Tommy from school with Gia and Belle. My sister, LeeAnna, was meeting me at the doctor’s office because she lives over there and was going to watch the girls. I called the school earlier to tell them that I was picking Tommy up at 2. I went in and they called him again. I had to run back out to the car because I left the girls in it while I ran to get him. And then I waited and waited. I ran back in the school and still no Tommy. He was called down again and they said he was on his way. And then I saw my son, my lovely son, sauntering as slow as could be down the hall. I was like a crazy person motioning for him to hurry up with what I am sure was a mean, crazy lady face.

And off we went to the office that was FAR. Catching every stop light and getting stuck in construction. Gia thankfully fell asleep. I made pretty good time and was only 10 minutes late. The funniest part of the whole thing was I jumped out of my car yelling to my sister that I didn’t care if she waited or left or did whatever. She looked stunned as Tommy and I ran into the office. I texted her to just leave my keys in the car if she took the girls. She texted back that she was going to her house and the keys were in Gia’s seat. We made plans for me to pick up the girls after 6:30 when I picked Nico up from Driver’s Ed. And then…

We waited…and waited…and waited. It became clear to me in a moment of panic that I wasn’t going to make it back in time to get Nico to Driver’s Ed. I texted a friend whose son is also in the class and she said if Nico could get a ride to her house, her neighbor would take him. I texted a bunch of friends and with everyone’s schedule as crazy as mine, no one was around or was around after I told him to start walking or ride a bike. One friend even offered to call her older son to see if he was around.

My friend, Kim texted that she could take him so I called him and did he answer? No, he did not. He called me right back, aggravated because he was on his bike. I called Kim back and said nevermind, he was on his bike. Nico called me back not even two minutes later and said that the bike broke and that he was at CVS. He might have muttered a bunch of curse words and I can’t even say anything because he gets that from me and I was muttering the same because someone tell me what are the odds of that? I called Kim back and asked if she could please go get him and told her to just leave the bike. I don’t care about the damn bike.

She texts me: CVS?

I text back: That’s what he said but who knows with him. I’ll double-check.

She texts: Are you sure not Walgreens?

I call Nico. He doesn’t answer. I am sweating. The doctor comes in and says Tommy doesn’t look great and he wants to scope him. He sprayed numbing spray and said, “We’ll look in a few minutes.” I call Kim and she said she had Nico and they have no idea whose bike it is that he grabbed. We have a bunch in our garage from kids who left them there. Leave it to Nico to grab one that wasn’t his. He said he did because since it wasn’t, it wouldn’t be a big deal to leave it at his friend’s. Teen logic.

Nico calls me panicked because he just realized he needed his folder for class. Where is his folder? In my car all the way in Geneva. Where is he? Wheaton. I tell him that I’m sorry but there isn’t anything I can do other than drop it off when I get done.

The doctor scoped Tommy and the polyps in his sinuses are bad and he needs surgery. I tell him that Nico, who was supposed to have an appointment but had Driver’s Ed, has the same issues. He said when I schedule Tommy’s surgery, to just go ahead and schedule Nico and we can do it the same day. He wants to see Nico, of course but is pretty sure he’ll need it. Great. Nico called me one more time and I swear this is what he said:

Nico: Where are you??

Me: I am still at the doctor with Tommy.

Nico: What are you still doing there??

Me: You and Tommy both need surgery.

Nico: I get that but why in the heck are you still there?? I need my folder. When are you leaving??

Me: When I’m done here.

Nico: Maaaaa!

I hung up. He began rapid-fire texting me that he had a test and needed his notes and his instructor was being a jerk and making him write a paper about why it is important to come prepared to class and whether he is taking it seriously. The last text was “I’m for sure going to fail. Thanks a lot.”

I picked up the girls from my sister’s so that I wouldn’t have to drive out to St. Charles later and raced back to Wheaton trying to get his folder to him. Tommy texted him that we were almost there and he texted back: Too late. I brought it anyway, went to Target because I had to (I really wanted Pina Colada mix with the alcohol already in it but they didn’t have it) and went home and ordered a big, deep dish LouMalnati’s pizza.

He came home not feeling well but passed his test. Oh, and fought me on whether he needs surgery or not.

So instead of being Super Mommy, I must have misplaced my cape. I take comfort in that I am still the reigning queen of chaos, though.

Did I mention that Leo has been gone since Monday on a business trip?

Did this post feel like it went on forever? Because that is EXACTLY how it felt going through it yesterday.

And how has your week been?

Filed Under: chaos, Odd things that happen in my family, orthodontists healthy snacks, Parenting, Rants 17 Comments

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