A Little Positivity

When I posted things I need to work on, asking for guest bloggers was one of them and my dear friend, Chris Carter from The Mom Cafe quickly sent me one that she thought would be perfect and she was right. So often I get down on myself for having one of “those days,” days where all I did was yell or command or criticize and on those nights, I look at my sleeping children and wonder how the next day will be different. Well, Chris has a great solution to at least ease the “Mommy guilt” that we all sometimes feel.

Please welcome her and leave her a comment showing her that I have the best bunch of readers there is and then head over to her spot and check her out. You won’t be disappointed. She is a mom that tells it like it is and is uplifting to boot. She has some hilarious stories about her kiddos and writes from the heart. Thanks, Chris for stopping by!


Picture by Chris Carter

Picture by Chris Carter


For every 1 do 3…


Have you ever heard of the 3 to 1 rule?  For every one negative comment you say to a child, you should have three positive things to say.

I like that, and I really should do that more often.  I tend to dwell on the negative comment over and over again…and forget I need to greet that with something wonderful and pleasant times three.  I used to be so good at this as a therapist and a teacher…but as a mom?  I seem to forget this golden rule of parenting.


I keep thinking about my thought life and sometimes it is filled with negative statements and critical judgments…  What if I applied this to me?


For every time I think of something that is far from positive, I slam it with three things that are far from negative?  What if I focus on being aware of all those self-defeating thoughts and combat them with three fighting compliments?  What if when I raise a brow to the nature of all that is wrong…I enlightened my murky mind with three things that are right.  What if when I look at a person in judgment, I also see three reasons to give grace?  Perhaps where I spit out the darkness, can I redeem it with light?  When I twist around the fire in my mind, can I douse it with Holy Water?  Would it be so difficult to find the blessings all around me, instead of all the curses? That my friends, is the challenge I am about to embark on…


Would you care to join me?


I am aware of all my mind chatter, and I am not proud of the things I say.  I am convicted to change for the better.  I want to transform my thinking and conquer the battles of anger, judgment and impatience.  For what comes from within, surely flows right back out.   And I need to be more aware of those muddy waters flowing through my heart and pouring through my thoughts.  I can’t linger on in this brutal disposition.  Instead, I will transform my thinking to inspire all that is good and worthy of praise. 


Would you do 3:1 with me?  Each and every day, may we try to be aware of our thought life…and intertwine each misaligned, negative impulse with all that is good. 


3 to 1.


That doesn’t sound so hard, does it? I’m going to try this today. Head on over to The Mom Cafe or check her out on Facebook and Twitter @themomcafe. She brings humor and heart to every blog post she writes and brings light to every blog she visits. She is one of the most loyal, sweetest bloggers out there so be kind and give her some comment love here.

Thanks again, Chris!

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  1. 2 of our favorite people in the same place at the same time! Don’t even stop us! 😉 This is EXCELLENT advice. And seems like it should be an easy thing to put into practice. We are going to try it. 3 to 1. Love it. :)-The Dose Girls
    thedoseofreality recently posted..Hold It Right There, Hombre!My Profile

    • Oh how I always LOVE to see two of MY favorite girls in the same place/same time. And I am lucky enough to see it often with you dose girls!! :)
      3:1 BABY!! ” I look so ugly today: Okay, my hair looks pretty good, this IS my favorite sweater and well, that zit finally cleared up too.” How’s that for an example? Or my latest: “This sucks waiting in the Doctor’s office for so FREAKING long for this throat scope. Oh wait: I am gloriously BLESSED with my daughter’s health this year!! I love this Doctor. We are checking on her HEALTH since the last scope. Welllness….WELL ness!” Yup. And so on, and so on, and so on…
      Chris Carter recently posted..Positive Thinking…My Profile

  2. Your kind words mean the WORLD to me AnnMarie!!! It’s truly an HONOR to be at your place today. Hoping this idea is encouraging and helpful to all. :)
    Chris Carter recently posted..“When Life Gives You Lemons…”My Profile

  3. Boy oh boy do I need to follow this advice Chris! It will be a challenge – that’s for sure. Let me help YOU out by giving you some positives to add to you 3-1 arsenal:

    You have THE biggest heart of anyone I know ~ always thinking of others…ALWAYS
    You are such an encourager
    You have such an fun-loving, joy-filled personality ~ even teenage girls are drawn to you (and Lord knows they’re not easily drawn to much other than themselves normally).
    Your children are good kids, I mean the kind of “good” that people sincerely enjoy having around. That, my friend, is a reflection of the mom that you are!
    You are a “blesser”, not a “curser” by nature. Yes, sometimes life gets in the way and muddies the mix, but it never lasts for long as your nature takes over and you’re back to blessing.
    I could go on and on but I’ll stop for now and hold onto the rest for when you need some more “good ammo” ~ you just let me know when that happens!
    Love you bunches! And I have truly enjoyed the Queen of Chaos too!

    • Aw… love LOVE your ammo Tam!!!! You are a “blesser” by nature too… :) And how could anyone not totally love your “teenager”…
      Thank you my friend. I will remember your words when I need the three!
      Chris Carter recently posted..Positive Thinking…My Profile

  4. First of all, it’s awesome to find two bloggers that I am totally in love with in the same room – and second of all, I LOVE this 3:1 rule in a big way. I wish I had read this BEFORE my oldest daughter got ready for school this morning though – such battles some days! But I will try to make up for it later. With 3 great thoughts about her that I can share when she gets home.
    Great suggestion! I am going to try my best with it! xo
    Ilene recently posted..Bring on the NoiseMy Profile

    • Aw!!!! You are too sweet my new BFF!!!! I’m sure AnnMarie feels the very same way too!!!
      And oh have I been there during those crazy mornings Ilene!!! Mornings, afternoons, evenings… BEEN THERE!!! It’s so hard especially when we are “in the moment” of total frustration. (I seriously just lost it with my fourth grader…if she asks me ONE more time about this one thing, I am going to have a break down of GREAT proportions!!!)
      This 3:1 ratio is for the people of sound mind. With that said, about 80% of the time I can actually apply it. LOL
      Chris Carter recently posted..Positive Thinking…My Profile

  5. Yes! I am so going to use the 3 to 1 rule. I was just feeling down about the pile of work in front of me, but then I thought of 3 positive things I just accomplished. Woohoo!
    another jennifer recently posted..Sharing Skillshare Blog Posts and Looking for FeedbackMy Profile

  6. Great idea! All about perspective and applying that rule is a great way to shift that on a regular basis! Love it!

    • It truly is all and I mean ALL about perspective!!! It’s amazing how fast I can go down that awful negative road if I don’t catch myself and realize all the blessings that triumph over any tormenting thought. We are both getting so good at it eh sis??? 😉 (love you!)
      Chris Carter recently posted..Positive Thinking…My Profile

  7. 3 to 1. Simple, yet profound. I will be joining you an this. If I make a conscious effort to think positive thoughts after a negative one, it makes me more aware of the negative ones. Sometimes we aren’t even aware of all the negative, self defeating thoughts that we allow to flow from our heart. Thank you for this Chris.
    Hope recently posted..Actions speak louder than words.My Profile

    • Oh Hope that is SUCH an excellent insight!!! You are SO right about that… sometimes we aren’t even aware of all the negative chatter that has an ongoing tape playing over and over again in our minds and in our hearts. It’s so important to pay attention to our perspective in all things in our lives…
      Thank you SO much for that input Hope!!!

  8. I think that’s a wonderful principle to apply!
    Alison recently posted..Crisis in ConfidenceMy Profile

  9. So blessed to have found your blog, so very inspiring!
    Ashley recently posted..Silence with Jesus.My Profile

  10. This is good Chris! It’s so easy to think on and say the negative! The ONLY way we can combat this, is to purpose in our hearts to NOT do it…easier said than done, right? Lol! Just like every thing in our lives, we MUST practice this to make it a habit! Practice may not make perfect, but it sure does make better! Thanks so much for sharing my friend! I’ll be joining you in making this a habit in my life! Have a blessed week Chris!1
    Michell recently posted..A cry for LOVE…My Profile

  11. I love both of you guys and am sorry I missed this until now. What a great idea for guest posts, AnnMarie, and Chris, this concept will stick with me. I will cringe now when I say negative things and so appreciate you sharing the importance of monitoring what we say. Thanks, ladies!
    Meredith recently posted..Ten Reasons That I Should Totally Be Crowned “Mom of the Year”My Profile

    • It’s so hard when we are tired and grow weak in our Philippians 4:8, isn’t it? I have a friend who shares in struggling with this negativity, and w always use our motto when our minds go south- 4:8 baby!! Whatever is worthy of praise, think of these things…
      Chris Carter recently posted..The Party Moms Should Refuse…My Profile


  1. […] ease our guilt when we are having one of “those” days. If you missed it, you can find it HERE. Please take a minute to check it out. It’s great advice that is east to implement. […]

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