I am Flawed

This has been weighing on me for a little bit. It’s hard to grow as a person without first acknowledging where you need to change. Some people say that people can’t change. I disagree. I think they can. Or they can continue to work on being better. God knows (and so do most of you) that I am not perfect. It’s a humbling exercise to sit and write where you are flawed but I am going to do it.

1. I am not a phone person and I am terrible at returning phone calls. Email me or text me and I will respond embarrassingly fast but call me and I’m awful. I think part of it is because my hearing isn’t that great and part is because anyone that has a toddler in their house knows that they could care less whether you are on the phone or not. They want your attention when they want it. Period. That makes for an annoying participant in a phone call. Part of it is also that I can never find my cordless phone and when I finally do find one, I’m on it for 30 seconds before it dies from being off the charger for so long. I can go weeks without picking up the phone to call someone but there is no reason behind it other than I am bad at the phone.

 

2. I am missing the “organizational gene”. I like things clean. It drives me crazy to see dust or urine around toilet seats (with three males living here, that is often) but clutter doesn’t bother me. Let me rephrase, it doesn’t bother me enough to make sure that every object has a place of its own and there are a lot of objects in this house.  With four kids and Leo, I am inundated with laundry and I have been known to have baskets of clothes sitting on my bedroom floor while kids pick through them to find clean clothes. I am a GREAT folder. I hate putting away. I have been known to leave an important piece of paper on the kitchen table until I need to use it so that I won’t forget about it. I have tried several organizational systems to no avail.

 

3. I hold grudges. I am learning to fix this one and to let things go but it’s been a work in progress. This is not an attractive trait. Forgiveness is a much nicer trait. Once I have been hurt by someone, I have a hard time letting them back in. It extends to my family as well. Someone once said something not so very nice about Leo that wasn’t true and ever since, I have no desire to know or get to know that person. I don’t think there is any love lost. I don’t think he likes me too much either. It’s the old situation that I am sure you all know: I can poke fun or say what I want about Leo but no one else can. It’s the same with sisters and kids. This has been the bane of my existence with Leo’s mom and I am happy to say that our relationship is improving because I have made the choice to let a lot of things go and forgive. So it is possible to change. That being said, hurt my family and I can’t promise to not come at you like a mama bear let it go.

 

4. I disappear. I have a tendency to shut down and hole up in my house. It’s getting worse as I get older. I have a thing with crowds. It’s what has kept me from going to basketball tournaments, games, parties and church. It’s weird because Disney is my favorite place and it’s usually crowded when we go. I don’t go on rides so maybe I don’t notice as much. Or maybe I love being on vacation so much that it cancels it out. I don’t know if winter is the reason or the excuse for why I don’t leave my house very often but come January-March, I only go out when I absolutely have to.

 

5. I have a short fuse. As Leo likes to point out to anyone that notices that it only takes a little bit to make me happy, it also only takes a little bit to set me off. Things that have been known to cause my temper to flare:

Children that can’t find an item and only start looking for it two minutes before they need to leave.

Telling me you’ll be home in a half hour and then actually coming home two hours later.

The Double Standard

Asking for a sleepover.

Poker

Games over holiday weekends

The DVR not recording my shows.

Looking at me blankly and saying, “I don’t get it” (before even looking at it).

Waiting to do a project the night before it is due.

Things that don’t work the way they are supposed to.

 

I’ll stop with 5 flaws since this could get out of hand and a woman has to remain somewhat of a mystery (I couldn’t even type that with a straight face since me and mysterious are not synonymous). Someone said to me when I told them I was going to do a post like this, “Why would you want to point out your flaws?’ My answer is simple. It is our flaws that make us human and admitting them makes us relatable. My hope for this blog at the very least is that people find it relatable. Plus, now that I see them in writing, it motivates me even more to change them.

 

So tell me, can you relate to any of these? If not, share one of your flaws. I bet I can relate. :)

 

Pouring my heart out with Shell:

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Comments

  1. Gina DiGiovanni says:

    I can relate to a lot of yours! Mine is I’m awful at making plans. I’m always up for it when my girlfriends want to get together, but if it’s left up to me we won’t see each other. Not because I don’t want to, but it’s just easier to sit in the house than plan an outing for several girls, picking a date that works for everyone, finding a spot that everyone likes, figuring out who’s gonna drive and meet where at what time. I’m exhausted before we even get out the door LOL

    • YES! I am so guilty of this, too. It gets to be frustrating to try and plan anything with all the different schedules that you’re right, it’s easier to just stay home.

  2. Oh gosh! I can relate to all of these and thanks for your honesty, as it makes me feel so much more normal. I am so, so bad at the phone thing. I only check my voicemail every other week, and that’s rude and annoying, I know. Gah. We’ll continue to work on our flaws and just keep encouraging each other!
    Meredith recently posted..10 Bonuses to Hauling the Kids with You to the Doctor’s OfficeMy Profile

    • I’d like to think we are both normal and just, maybe…super human (as in we have the flaws to prove it not the having special powers, unless you count wrangling kids at a dr’s office as one which you could ;) ). Thanks for letting me know I am not alone and I agree…the best we can do is keep working on them and encourage each other (and thank God for email and texting).

  3. I totally share your flaws! I hold grudges – Although I have improved in this area. I also don’t return calls either and tend to disappear at times. But I have everyone else on a double standard because if you don’t return my call, I take it personally,. I take everything personally actually! And I would love to learn not to – and yes – people CAN change. I know believe that 100%!

    • Glad to know I am not alone and I laughed at the “I take everything personally actually”. It is very freeing to let go of the grudges but easier said than done.

  4. Oh, girl! You are not alone! I’m Lisa, and I have flaws. Big ones.
    I am not a grudge holder…but it’s not that I have a forgiving heart so much as a bad memory. I just can’t remember we were even fighting, much less about what.
    I love organization, but my house and car are a mess. I am messy. It’s gross.
    I fly off the handle too easily. I go from perfectly fine to intense rage in about 2 seconds flat. It’s unnecessary. My menopausal years will probably be awful.
    I curse too much. I know I’m better than that, but I do it anyway. I can’t seem to find fake curse words that get the point across for me. Ugh.
    I am usually late. Not horribly late, just late enough to be rude. I detest that about myself.
    Yeah, I better stop. I could go on and on. But now I’ve at least found the areas I need to work on! —Lisa
    The Dose of Reality recently posted..Who’s That Crazy Faced Baby?My Profile

    • OMG, I forgot that I swear and I am late! You are not alone in either of those. I gave up swearing for Lent and not even 15 minutes into it and I was swearing like a sailor. I wish I could find a word that has the same release as the curse words.

  5. Oh hon. We are all flawed and you’re right, acknowledging them, writing it all down – it will motivate a change.

    I have flaws, for sure:
    – I am not very flexible. I like making plans down to the minute, and it irks me to no end when they don’t go as planned because other people don’t have the same regard for my plans. I know, this is a big problem. I’ve been called rigid. I can’t change this. I just need to know where I need to be, when I need to be there, and so on.
    – I shut down when I’m pissed at someone. This jars with my other inclination – which is to talk. So what happens is this: I get mad, I shut down and shut people out, until I thaw. Then I talk. But it’s not as effective then, because the moment has passed.

    Let’s stop there. I might need to write a post about this and link back to you :)
    Alison recently posted..Saying NoMy Profile

  6. I totally get the clutter thing. I hate cooking in a dirty kitchen and I will clean, even if it is clean, before cooking. Dishes done and put away, trash emptied, counters and stoves wiped down. I eat when I am sad, bored, lonely, frustrated. Because I do that I keep gaining, but I am taking control. I got myself some Yoga DVD’s and am setting down to find some healthy alternatives for snacking when I am hungry and moving when I am anything but hungry.
    Southern Angel recently posted..Small Town girl.. PYHO and Wordful WednesdayMy Profile

    • Yay, you for making some changes and taking control. I eat when I am upset or bored, too. I also eat when I am nervous. I have to clean the kitchen before making dinner, too.

  7. I think we are twins. Especially on the phone issue and the grudge as well. The others are there for me too.

  8. Oh boy do I have flaws. But, they make me me. Some of them aren’t so pretty, but I’m working at them.
    I’m terrible at the phone too, but texting? I’m all over that. And I shut down too. A lot more recently, actually.

  9. I can relate on the phone thing. I just don’t like talking on the phone – I avoid calling people and returning calls. I would much rather send a email.. I am the opposite on the organization – I am too organized. I constantly nag my kids to pick up their shoes/toys/stuff because it drives me nuts! There just has to be a happy medium somewhere in there between! ;-)

    • Thanks so much for visiting! I think I avoid calling people, too. Not because I don’t want to talk to them but just because I am not a phone person. I think you are right about finding a happy medium. At this point, I’d like to just move to the side of organized. :)

  10. We are so, so much alike. I hate the phone. Really, what can’t be said in an email or a text message? Crowds make me shut down- I can handle them for a little while, and then I need to disappear off somewhere quiet.
    Shell recently posted..Pour Your Heart Out: In a Quiet HouseMy Profile

    • I totally agree that what can be said in a phone call can be said more efficiently in a text or email. That’s a huge compliment saying we are so much alike since I think you are pretty sweet. ;)

  11. Oh AnnMarie, we are even more connected than I thought!!! I HATE big crowds and get overwhelmed at the thought of going to parties or anywhere with a lot of people… our anxiety sucks. I also HATE talking on the phone. I love to be with a person but hate hate hate talking on the phone! I rarely do it now, thanks be to GOD for texting!!! I can go OFF on anything STUPID my kids do… I can forgive grave mistakes…but do something stupid without thinking and I am enraged!! IE: My daughter wiping her dental floss thingie on our HAND TOWELL. My son sneezing all over the kitchen counter. Number one thing that gets my rage flame high? Lying. Don’t. Ever. Lie. Kids or friends or anyone in my life… UNacceptable.
    Chris Carter recently posted..One Note Short…My Profile

    • Oooh, lying is a good one. I can’t stand that. So much time it takes trust to build up and in an instant with one lie, gone. I had to laugh at the dental floss and your son and Nico might be from the same mold.

  12. I’m the opposite. I love to organize but hate cleaning! And also, I HATE talking on the phone because my preschooler is the most annoying person ever as soon as I get on!
    NJ @ A Cookie Before Dinner recently posted..Random ConfessionsMy Profile

    • Why is it that they are playing by themselves, happy as a clam until we get on the phone? Then suddenly they need our undivided attention. Thanks so much for visiting! :)

  13. some days I want to be the life of the party and have a jam packed social calender other days I want to sit on the couch and eat cookie dough. I am iinconsistent, I:m disorgannized.
    Robbie recently posted..OverwhelmedMy Profile

    • I get that. I am pretty much like that, too. Don’t know what I want to do. Part of me misses being social but part of me is okay being alone and by the time I decide, it’s just easier to do nothing.

  14. I don’t get it.

    Kidding! I so get it. And you should know that the phone thing doesn’t end at the conclusion of toddlerhood. This goes on to at least age 12 or 15.

    I think it’s good to acknowledge our flaws. I wrote a comprehensive post once about my flaws, but it crashed the server before I could post it.
    Eli@coachdaddy recently posted..5 For Friday: Inventions That Should Have Made Me RichMy Profile

    • Oh, I know it doesn’t end. I have Nico, “The World Revolves Around Me” over here. Tommy and Belle seem to fight louder once I am on the phone and I have been known to mouth, “You are lucky I am on the phone so I can’t scream at you.”

      This comment totally made me laugh with the server crash. :)

  15. AnnMarie, I have been in many closets over the past two years as a Professional Organizer and I think you are on to something! Dressers don’t actually function well with the way we live today. Families have more clothes than ever before! Open baskets like a laundry basket work because kids can see what they need right away. Dressers have become more like storage. Open systems just make more sense :)

  16. Wow…I felt like you were describing me! Except for #2, I’m still a little OCD but slowly overcoming that. We can change if we want to but let’s face it none of us will ever be perfect so I just say why add any more stress to my life trying to change my flaws. Those who love and appreciate you accept you just the way you are.
    My Dance in the Rain recently posted..Anxiety attack?My Profile

Trackbacks

  1. [...] few weeks ago or maybe a week ago, I wrote about some of my flaws. We all have them and it’s not easy to talk about them or admit them. How many of us have [...]

  2. [...] Leo…I remember some conversations or times he’s messed up in great detail. Remember my holding a grudge flaw? These two go hand in hand. The one doesn’t really help the [...]

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