This has been weighing on me for a little bit. It’s hard to grow as a person without first acknowledging where you need to change. Some people say that people can’t change. I disagree. I think they can. Or they can continue to work on being better. God knows (and so do most of you) that I am not perfect. It’s a humbling exercise to sit and write where you are flawed but I am going to do it.
1. I am not a phone person and I am terrible at returning phone calls. Email me or text me and I will respond embarrassingly fast but call me and I’m awful. I think part of it is because my hearing isn’t that great and part is because anyone that has a toddler in their house knows that they could care less whether you are on the phone or not. They want your attention when they want it. Period. That makes for an annoying participant in a phone call. Part of it is also that I can never find my cordless phone and when I finally do find one, I’m on it for 30 seconds before it dies from being off the charger for so long. I can go weeks without picking up the phone to call someone but there is no reason behind it other than I am bad at the phone.
2. I am missing the “organizational gene”. I like things clean. It drives me crazy to see dust or urine around toilet seats (with three males living here, that is often) but clutter doesn’t bother me. Let me rephrase, it doesn’t bother me enough to make sure that every object has a place of its own and there are a lot of objects in this house. With four kids and Leo, I am inundated with laundry and I have been known to have baskets of clothes sitting on my bedroom floor while kids pick through them to find clean clothes. I am a GREAT folder. I hate putting away. I have been known to leave an important piece of paper on the kitchen table until I need to use it so that I won’t forget about it. I have tried several organizational systems to no avail.
3. I hold grudges. I am learning to fix this one and to let things go but it’s been a work in progress. This is not an attractive trait. Forgiveness is a much nicer trait. Once I have been hurt by someone, I have a hard time letting them back in. It extends to my family as well. Someone once said something not so very nice about Leo that wasn’t true and ever since, I have no desire to know or get to know that person. I don’t think there is any love lost. I don’t think he likes me too much either. It’s the old situation that I am sure you all know: I can poke fun or say what I want about Leo but no one else can. It’s the same with sisters and kids. This has been the bane of my existence with Leo’s mom and I am happy to say that our relationship is improving because I have made the choice to let a lot of things go and forgive. So it is possible to change. That being said, hurt my family and I can’t promise to
not come at you like a mama bear let it go.
4. I disappear. I have a tendency to shut down and hole up in my house. It’s getting worse as I get older. I have a thing with crowds. It’s what has kept me from going to basketball tournaments, games, parties and church. It’s weird because Disney is my favorite place and it’s usually crowded when we go. I don’t go on rides so maybe I don’t notice as much. Or maybe I love being on vacation so much that it cancels it out. I don’t know if winter is the reason or the excuse for why I don’t leave my house very often but come January-March, I only go out when I absolutely have to.
5. I have a short fuse. As Leo likes to point out to anyone that notices that it only takes a little bit to make me happy, it also only takes a little bit to set me off. Things that have been known to cause my temper to flare:
Children that can’t find an item and only start looking for it two minutes before they need to leave.
Telling me you’ll be home in a half hour and then actually coming home two hours later.
The Double Standard
Asking for a sleepover.
Games over holiday weekends
The DVR not recording my shows.
Looking at me blankly and saying, “I don’t get it” (before even looking at it).
Waiting to do a project the night before it is due.
Things that don’t work the way they are supposed to.
I’ll stop with 5 flaws since this could get out of hand and a woman has to remain somewhat of a mystery (I couldn’t even type that with a straight face since me and mysterious are not synonymous). Someone said to me when I told them I was going to do a post like this, “Why would you want to point out your flaws?’ My answer is simple. It is our flaws that make us human and admitting them makes us relatable. My hope for this blog at the very least is that people find it relatable. Plus, now that I see them in writing, it motivates me even more to change them.
So tell me, can you relate to any of these? If not, share one of your flaws. I bet I can relate.
Pouring my heart out with Shell: