When Gia woke up yesterday, I did the same thing I have done every day for the last two weeks. I took off her diaper and said, “Today do you want to wear underwear or a pull-up?” And she answered me the same as she always does, “Nothin’.”
The rest of the morning was spent the same as the last two weeks: “Gia, do you feel like you have to pee?” “No thank you, Mommy.” Then at some point after an enormous amount of time passed, I would get her to sit on her little potty and she’d sit for about 15 minutes. Every single time she said, “Don’t get excited, Mommy.” I told her I wouldn’t and that seemed to comfort her. It makes me wonder how much pressure she felt when she was going and I would be so excited I’d jump up and down and hug her. Anyway, she doesn’t go. She gets up, goes to play and pees all over the floor. It is a little like living with an incontinent dog or cat. This is not going to be an easy task.
Then I wonder, did I miss the window? Six months ago, she was going. She wasn’t in underwear yet but she was showing an interest and she was going. Six months ago it was baseball season and potty-training in porta-potties is the most disgusting, scary thing ever. All three of my other kids were potty-trained by 2.5. Gia will be 3 in two weeks. She refuses to go. No amount of bribing or encouragement is working. Just a lot of crying wanting the M&M’s. And a lot of peeing everywhere but the potty. I know…she’ll do it when she is ready. The twins pretty much potty-trained themselves. Don’t push. I get it. But I am a little nervous that I missed the window of opportunity.
I started laboring with Nico on a Wednesday. Went into the hospital and they sent me home. I had contractions from then until Friday morning when I went in and my water was leaking so they kept me. I remember when the nurse said, “There is a window of opportunity that you can get the epidural and if you are wanting one, you don’t want to miss it.” I jumped the gun, got one and it slowed my labor down immensely. I didn’t have him until 5:00am Saturday morning with only one side working with the epidural. Dumb window.
I remember the window of time when I could rock a bikini and not a mom bathing suit (you know…the tankini with the skirt), when I could wear a tank top without worrying about jiggling in places that no one wants to jiggle, when I didn’t pick out clothes that had to hide the wear and tear of four pregnancies, when I had a good hair day every single day and when every thought wasn’t on which foods would be okay to eat and which ones would stay with me until I ran (gag) on the treadmill to get them off. Oh, how I miss that window.
Speaking of clothes, I am constantly missing the fashion window. By the time I figure out something is in style, it’s outdated. What is with that? But let me tell you, if a window of time comes back featuring 80′s clothes, I am all over it!
Did I miss the window of time to go back to work? You know the time when you are still hirable? The education my kids are getting is fine and all but I don’t always agree with what our district does. Things were changing when I left…I remember more teaching for the “tests”, less creative writing, recess being phased out and more emphasis on homework. None of that sounds appealing to me. I know from my teacher friends that it’s rough out there. Would I even recognize it anymore?
Did I miss the window of going back to school? There was a time between the twins and Rocco that I was going to go back. I even toured Argosy in Schaumburg because I was going to go there for a masters in counseling but then Leo was told that in order to get a promotion, he had to get his MBA and since we couldn’t both go back to school, he won. Well, guess what? He got the promotion anyway without having to go back to school but by then, we decided we wanted another baby and the Rocco roller coaster begun. I know I am not ancient and I could go back at anytime but with Gia being little and life being crazy, the timing doesn’t feel right. It felt right in the window of time before Rocco.
What about the window of time I had to travel all over? That window is shut for now. Totally missed it. That would have been the summer of 1996 until April of 1998. Longer if I did it without the approval of my parents who were not okay with me traveling with Leo before we were married. And again, I know our time will come to be able to do that. Leo keeps telling me that but I can’t help but feel like it would have been a lot more fun when we were young and adventurous (and I could wear a string bikini).
One of the scarier windows that I pray that I didn’t miss is making sure my kids, especially Nico know where I stand and what I expect of them when they are faced with the temptations that kids are faced with today. A lot of it is trial and error, I know. Especially with social media since it wasn’t around when we were young but did I get to them before they were faced with others? Nico’s 14 and the twins are 11 so there is a lot of raising left to do but you know what I mean…that time when they are most impressionable and willing to listen, not jaded by their friends or the opposite sex (or movies like Step Brothers or Ted). There is that small window of time and I hope I made it.
In the writing world, there is a window of time when things are relevant. I keep missing it. I write things and it takes me awhile and then when I am done, it’s not relevant anymore so I have to edit. I’ve been saying forever that I’m not sure if the book I wrote (am writing…must.let.go.of.characters.) is young adult or adult and lo and behold, I picked up a book in the adult section that was similar (characters were the same age and it was a romance) and I thought, “Ugghhh…by the time I get mine ready and submit it, it won’t be relevant anymore.” I realize that is a hit or miss. Some themes are timeless and if a book is good, it will get published but I do always feel like I am” a day late and a dollar short”.
In the very literal sense of the word, the windows in my house kinda suck. They are really nice and I am sure the owner before us painstakingly picked them out but they are awful in the winter. Nico and Tommy’s room is freezing and I keep asking Leo to put the plastic over them and he keeps saying he will but he hasn’t so I keep being awakened at 3:00 in the morning by one of them upset that they are freezing. Sleeping in two layers of clothes isn’t fun. Isn’t heat supposed to rise? Why is our basement warmer than our upstair?s And yes, all of our vents are open. That’s a little off the subject of windows but the windows in my house are what got me thinking of other windows (metaphorically speaking).
I know most of these windows aren’t necessarily shut for good and some can still be pried open (going back to school) and some might be better left shut (damn…the bikini one unless Zumba kicks in before summer) but it is food for thought.
What windows do you feel might be closing for you?