How many posts involve this word? I’m guessing too many. I think when you take the leap and become a parent…wait…no offense to the dads out there reading it but from where I stand, the dad over here has no problem sleeping…when you take the leap, this is one of the things that you tearfully say good-bye to. When they are infants, they demand things around the clock. I used to think that was the hardest time. Having to function at 3:00 in the morning. Then the toddler stage comes and there is both the not wanting to fall asleep alone and the waking up in the middle of the night. When they cry out for you in the middle of the night, you shoot up wondering: sick? scared? Please, God, don’t let it be hungry or thirsty because I don’t want to do juice and Goldfish crackers at 3:00am. Then the school-age comes and you find them at the end of your bed because they have a stomach ache, they are cold, they are worried about a test or a game or a friend. Then the teen stage comes and while your can sleep through a natural disaster, you are awake all night worrying about him, his friends, his girlfriend, his grades, or his health.
Sleep…it escapes me. It comes knocking on my door at about 2:30pm. It comes again when I am cramped into a toddler bed at 8:00pm and then it leaves me for the rest of the night leaving me with a mind racing.
I know what you are thinking. Tough love. Gia needs to fall asleep on her own. It will help her sleep through the night. I know. Believe me. I know. If there was one thing I was firm on when the older three were toddlers it was going to bed, napping and maybe I got lucky but they stayed in their beds. But here is the thing:
When Nico and the twins were little, I didn’t know what the future held. I only knew the then and there and that was, be firm about sleeping and bed-time. But guess what, friends, I am now raising a toddler and teen and I see what is in store for the future and it’s rough. Don’t get me wrong. It’s not always rough but on any given day, I am dealing with back-talk, sassiness, attitude, eye-rolls, anger, “nothing is fair”, “why do you hate me?”, “I need you/I hate you”, emotions and drama from the tweens and the teen. It is no picnic or walk in the park.
So when Gia looks at me after I read her a story at night and she puts her hand on my cheek and asks, “Mommy, will you lay wif me?” Yes! Yes, I will lay with her. Then when her little self curls up against me and she whispers, “Mommy, I love you so much up to the sky,” I melt. And when she turns and rubs her little nose against my cheek and says, “Don’t go to sleep yet, Mommy,” I hug her close because it is not always going to be this way. I want to soak up all of it and store it in the part of my memory that won’t ever forget.
My other kids love me. I know they do. And they are good kids. I know this is just a part of growing up that they pull away and try to find their own voices (and my children seem to be choosing the loudest, sassiest of all voices) but it doesn’t mean I have to like it. It doesn’t make me miss their old voices of whispers of “I love you” and “Stay wif me mommy” any less. I have seen the future and I know this time is fleeting. As much as I want to, I can’t stop it. I can’t freeze time.
So, yes…this is another post about my lack of sleep but this one is different. This one is me saying that I am okay with doing without it if it means I can hang on a little longer. Can’t I just please hang on a little longer?
What about you? Sleeping these days?
Sleep thieves 1 and 2.
Sleep thieves 3 and 4.
Pouring my heart out with Shell today:
I am a stay at home mom, married to my college sweetheart, Leo. We have four kids, Nico, Tommy, Isabella and Gia. We have a son, Rocco that is an angel in Heaven.
I am by nature a person with huge anxieties, over trivial things in most cases. Sleep has eluded me my whole life. Throw children into that mix and you have the makings of a zombie that never died to begin with. I hear you loud and clear momma loud and clear.
Southern Angel recently posted..Sarcasm runs deep in this one it does.. Wordful Wednesday
A “zombie that never died to begin with”! Ha! I used to be a good, heavy sleeper. One that had a dream every single night. I’d be lying if I said I didn’t miss it.
Oh when I finally fall unconscious the dreams I have are crazy ones. Like I can fly, but like not with wings fly. But be standing next to someone and simply levitate myself up and float before actually just flying away. Or the dreams that you wake yourself from because they are so freaky scary that you wake up with your heart pounding and struggling to catch your breath. Shaking all over. Go back to sleep only to have the dream pick up right where you snapped yourself awake to escape it. Yeah I don’t miss those lol.
Southern Angel recently posted..Sarcasm runs deep in this one it does.. Wordful Wednesday
Sleep is often elusive in my home as well, but it is actually Emma I wind up sharing a bed with the most! It doesn’t bother me, mostly because I know this will not always be the case. So, I feel your pain and I also understand not wanting to say no to your baby.-Ashley
thedoseofreality recently posted..I Will Cut You If You Bother Me While HotSean! Is On T.V.
Thank you so much for letting me know I am not alone. Even if I guess that others are in the same situation, it is still so nice to hear that I’m not the only one hanging on.
Once the mommy gene is turned on, super hearing and no sleep follows. My son is 22 and 15 hours away at college, and II text him goodnight every night around 11:00 and thankfully, his response back is usually in seconds. But when he was home for the holidays, I found myself back to waking every half hour until he would come in with a hug and tell me he was home. I really miss the hugs now that he’s back to school, but the sleep is improving…as long as he quickly texts back “Goodnight, mom. Love you too!”
I love this comment and I see it in my future 4 years from now. Thanks for reading and commenting!
I get this on so many levels. My 18 month old is not a good sleeper and he is still using me as a pacifier. I want to fix the situation, but it’s both easier right now and I want to cuddle with him as long as I can since he’s my last.
I feel like a human blankie sometimes.
I love you so much up to the sky? Oh, the cuteness!!!
My youngest ends up in my bed more nights than not. I figure he won’t be there forever. And my middle always wants me to lay with him- he has a very hard time falling asleep at night thanks to meds he takes. Most of the time, I give in and lay down with him.
Thank you for commenting and letting me know that I’m not alone.
You’ve got me thinking now that maybe the reason Nico and Tommy always tell me they can’t fall asleep is because of some of their meds. Hmmm…
The rare times that we have Bear skip his meds, he falls right to sleep. It was one of those “possible” side effects that turned into YUP, that happens every single time.
Uggghh…that stinks when something that helps one thing, gets in the way of another. I’m going to check all of the boys’ meds right now. I have a feeling with the five that they are on, we might be in the same boat.
Oh, I get it. I so, so get it. My youngest is my best sleeper (and always has been) so I never had to deal with this with her, but we did with my son. He eventually sleep on his own and Gia will too one day. I say enjoy the cuddles and sweetness while you can.
If any of my children want to cuddle with me, I will never EVER refuse.
The Dose of Reality recently posted..I Will Cut You If You Bother Me While HotSean! Is On T.V.
Oh…sorry…that was me, Lisa (I saw Ashley already commented and I didn’t want you to think she just went nuts and left a totally different second response.
The Dose of Reality recently posted..I Will Cut You If You Bother Me While HotSean! Is On T.V.
I figured when you said “son” that it was you.
That’s a good way to look at it. Why refuse a cuddle? Is anything more important than a cuddle? I don’t think so!
Oh you know I am right there with you on this one. We still sit in with the toddlers when they go to bed at night, and I know that at some point between 12 and 2 they are going to wake up to come into my bed. As much as I know they “shouldn’t”, I also know that they won’t do it forever and I’m trying to cherish the time that I still have them as babies. Like you, I’ve seen what’s to come and that just fuels me to hold on to these moments more.
Kimberly recently posted..Focusing On Me
So glad I am not alone though I wish it was smoother sailing on the other end for both of us.
That is so sweet. And now I want to take a nap.
Megan (Best of Fates) recently posted..Then I Climbed To The Top of Mt. Christie, A Mystery Conquerer
Me, too! Thanks for stopping by.
I function AWESOME on 4-5 hours sleep, all of it interrupted several times a night. And I’m not complaining. I mean, it’d be great if the baby would fall asleep on his own and sleep through the night. I could sleep train him, put him in his own bed, but I choose to continue to nurse him, to co-sleep. Because like you said, they’re not small forever.
I mean, I am grateful my 3 year old goes to sleep on his own, stays asleep. But last night, a little hand grabbed my fingers (the baby) in the middle of the night. And I absolutely melted. That moment is still with me today.
So, yeah, I take back the tough love order on Gia. Just love.
Alison recently posted..Labels Are Bullshit
I love that you took back the order!
Same page and I love it!
Enjoy the snuggles while you can. I still snuggle my little one to sleep. In fact we were just joking the other night that I would be snuggling her until she was a teenager. I think she was serious!
Love that! I think Gia might feel the same way.
I still do not sleep. I haven’t sleep for what feels like 17 years. Tristan is a horrible sleeper he wakes up almost everynight and sometimes Sophie joins in too. I even tried sleeping out on the sofa for a couple of days and they woke up more than ever looking for me as if they sensed I was not there. My body cannot handle more that 4-6hrs a night if I sleep more than that I can barely find the energy to get up.