Crying Bull****. Let’s Be Real

If you are offended by curse words, I only use one but if that offends you, feel free to skip today’s post. It goes without saying that I love my kids but in case you get the wrong idea: I love my kids.

Life gets crazy sometimes so I can’t always blog.  I have mentioned before that there are things that I can’t blog about which leads me to having a hard time writing about anything at all. Especially when there are things weighing heavy on my heart. Right now, what is weighing on my heart is bull****. Loads and loads of it.

Let’s talk for a moment about how having kids changes us. It changes more than just our sleep habits or our bodies. It changes the way we see the world, the way we see our friends and the way we relate to people. It is why I constantly want to crawl under a rock and hide. Their hurts are my hurts. The mama bear in me comes roaring out and in order to not ruin relationships, I need to stay under my rock. I don’t do it to be rude.

How many of us had great friends that we thought would be friends forever but because of kids, that friendship died or changed so that you barely speak anymore? I’m not saying that in an all negative way. Maybe your kids aren’t the same age so getting together is hard. Maybe your kids are the same age but have different interests. Maybe they had a falling out. It happens and all I am saying is that having kids changes us. We might not discipline them the same way and that gets hard so you pull away. One way isn’t right or wrong but it is different enough that it makes hanging out together hard. Did we even see that coming?

I suck at wearing “the mask”. You know the one I am talking about. The one that is all plasticky and has the fake smile that says, “I’m fine. Everything is fine. My life is perfect.” I’m pretty sure that more than half of the people who I talk to or run into are big, fat liars that wear this mask. Why is it so hard to be honest?  I just don’t get it. This job is hard and pretending that it’s not makes it that much harder. No one talks about how it breaks your heart. No one talks about the worry because God forbid, the world might think that they or their kids are less than perfect. It’s such bull****. I’m not afraid of looking like a failure. I am afraid of failing. I don’t like feeling judged but if admitting that this isn’t all rainbows and butterflies sets me up for judgements, then so be it. I don’t think I am alone in this but maybe I am. Maybe that is what life is about: wearing masks. I’m in trouble if that is the case.

One can argue that maybe it isn’t a mask and that they just want to be private about their lives and I respect that but being private and reveling in others’ pain or misfortune are two different things. With all of the social media out there, the days of being private are gone. Gossip is the nature of the beast when it comes to living in a small town. People don’t want to talk about their own hurts or fears or how this job sometimes sucks so they deflect and talk about others’ hurts, fears or “Oh, my God, can you believe that happened” moments. It’s such bull****.

Kids are going to screw up. Kids are going to hurt other kids’ feelings. Their brains aren’t done forming so they are impulsive, ego-centric and have a hard time looking past the here and now. It’s not politically correct to say but some kids, as smart as they are otherwise, can be pretty dumb from time to time. They are learning and forging their way through not always making the right decisions.  We are learning as they grow. Are we that far removed from when we were kids that we forget that we made mistakes as well? Why do we think our kids aren’t going to? Why are we so shocked when it happens. I remember when I was younger talking about a friend behind her back. Why? I have no idea but I did and she found out and she got mad. I saw how upset I made her and I learned not to do it again. I learned from screwing up how to be a better friend. Nico didn’t think he needed to study for his finals. He thought the short days was license to relax, hang out a little, take it easy. All of the harping on him to study because his grades would suffer fell on deaf ears. He did less than stellar on his finals, bombing one and all of his grades dropped from A’s to B’s and B’s to C’s. Will he learn that he has to study for finals next time? I hope so. Am I upset that his grades fell? Absolutely but maybe that had to happen for him to take school more seriously.  Am I going to be judged because I don’t have a straight A student? Maybe but he’s grounded for the majority of this semester so that he can concentrate on school because there is a consequence for every bone-head move he makes.  It’s not about their mistakes, it’s how we parents handle it when they make them.

I’m ungrateful if I say all of this out loud. It would damage my children to know that raising them is sometimes less than fun. Well, guess what? I’m not a good liar and maybe they should know that it is their behavior that makes it less than fun. How many times have you woken up thinking, Today will be different? Today, I’ll put a smile on my face and be more positive. I won’t let it all bog me down. How many times have you woken up thinking that? And then 15 minutes after you’ve woken up, your teen is dragging ass and won’t get in the shower making everything run later and one of your tweens gets upset because you tell her that Pop Em’s are not the healthiest of breakfasts and your toddler wakes up so crabby that nothing consoles her. Tired, in my soul before 8:00am, but maybe that is just me.

Maybe this post will turn off some of my readers because it is a “Negative Nelly” one and for that, sorry. Maybe some readers will stand up and say, “Yes! That’s exactly how I feel!” I’ve never been a fan of masks, especially the plasticky ones and I have a very low tolerance for bull****. This post just caught me at a time when I felt like both were overflowing and writing about anything else seemed fake and I can’t have that.

Am I alone in this? What’s the bull**** going on in your life? Spill it here. I promise, you’ll feel better. :)

 

Pouring it out with Shell:

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Comments

  1. Oh, I feel this so many times. It’s usually at night, I’ll think “tomorrow, I’ll be more positive” and then the crazy happens. I suck at wearing a mask.
    Shell recently posted..The Official LEGO® ChannelMy Profile

    • Maybe I need to find the mask of “Morning Happiness” since that seems to be when it all starts going downhill. Why is it when we look at them sleeping at night, it’s so easy to say, “Tomorrow will be better.” Well, I know why but I wish it was just as easy when they were awake. :)

  2. Raising children is hard. The responsibility of it all hits me at the oddest times. It’s hard. I can’t even imagine how much harder it’s going to get.

    Good on you for calling out the BS.

    • Thanks, Alison. It gets tiresome and needs to be called out. It was no dummy that said, “Enjoy your kids when they are little.” They were warning us, I think. :)

  3. I have no masks… and I call it like I see it everywhere I go. Parenting is hard. Period. And I can only hang around those who are real and genuine and can take the journey with me…
    Chris Carter recently posted..“My Awesome World”My Profile

  4. No masks here. “Honesty is the best policy and spinach the best vegetable.” Popeye. When Bridgie was born my already accurate BS meter became spot on. When you have a child who is ‘different’ it’s easy to spot genuine and ingeniune in other people. You can feel it and see it in their body language. Used to make me sad, now I am glad I have this tool.
    Cindy Bryl recently posted..Schleppin’My Profile

    • That’s a great point! I remember losing friends when we found out about the boys and I remember being sad about it, too but you’re right. That’s a great tool to have when it comes to weeding people out.

  5. I could not agree more with you about masks. In fact, I’ll go one step more. I think wearing the mask is actually harmful to other people. It’s like models on the covers of magazines can make women feel inferior because they don’t look like that. But “that” doesn’t actually exist. Even the model doesn’t look like that without the airbrush.
    When we pretend our kids always get good grades or never mess up…or our marriages only contain moments of bliss, we make other women feel bad about themselves, and their parenting and marriages. That’s gross. And honestly, the type of person who judges someone for being “real” isn’t someone I’d want to be friends with at all.
    I have absolutely zero tolerance or need for fake people in my life. Zero! –Lisa
    The Dose of Reality recently posted..Aaaahhhh, The Good Old Days, Remember Those?My Profile

    • Amen, Sister! I totally agree that it is harmful. How many women are on anti-depressants or anti-anxiety meds because of this “thing”, this level of perfection that they think others have that they are trying to attain and can’t because IT DOESN’T EXIST!! I think we should start a trend of being real (wait…The Dose of Reality…you are ahead of the game). :)

  6. I find honesty SO refreshing. This is the hardest job I’ve EVER had, and some days I feel like I rock it, and others I feel like I suck at it BIG TIME. Some days I feel so disheartened that God seems to have in his plan that I have just one (I so wanted 3 or 4) and other days I feel like God SO knows that I couldn’t handle more than I have.

    It’s rough, it’s raw, it’s trying, it’s wonderful, it’s a gift. Isn’t amazing that we can feel all those things about parenthood? Thank you … thank you for this right-to-the-heart-of-it post. xo

    • Aw…Michelle, thank you so much for that last line. It is so good to see you here and it means a lot to read this comment. That’s a great sentence, “Sometimes I rock it and sometimes I suck.” SO TRUE! It is all of those things you mentioned. Every last bit of them.

  7. Hear, hear. Thank you for this post. I am so sick and tired of people smiling and going on about how cute their kids are and such a blessing! Parenting is hard especially today with all these demands and so little support. I do wear a mask, but not to pretend my life is perfect but to keep others bs out of my day – as in “I am fine. Leave me alone and go about your day without telling me what I should do, yeah your parenting is wonderful and your kids arent perfect yet they are better than mine” I am going to share this.
    M. recently posted..Cooking at home with Ms. MMy Profile

    • Thank you so much for reading, commenting and sharing! :) I don’t think that is a mask that you are wearing. I’d say it is more of a shield. A shield from the bull****. I like that. I always tell my parents that they made parenting look so easy and it’s so flipping hard! They usually answer that it’s different than it was back then. A simpler time with less fakers would be nice, wouldn’t it?

  8. I feel like I have felt everything you described, AnnMarie! Life is HARD, and all these silly masks everyone wears just makes it worse. That’s why I’m often thankful for the blogging world. I feel like here people say it like it really is a lot more. Now if people IRL could just get on board…I’m sorry for the pain and discouragement you’ve been having. Please know that you aren’t alone. Life is definitely not all rainbows and butterflies–despite what some people would have you to believe!
    Meredith recently posted..Score One for the Drug StoreMy Profile

    • Thanks, Meredith for letting me know I am not alone. It just gets tiresome having to deal with it and I was starting to wonder if I was alone in feeling this way. I agree that about the blogging world. Maybe the screens allow for more honesty.

  9. You are not alone, not by a long shot. I have a friend whose son is the same age as my youngest. She has a hard time dealing with his behavior, but what he wants is to feel like she hears him. So he does things that make her angry because at least it is attention. When we have him he cracks us up with his conversations and questions, even at 13 he is very naive and silly. My son however is very laid back and quick witted. Together they get along great, because my son calms the wild and silly in him. She is constantly telling him she wishes he were more like Devin. But when Devin talks to me I try to listen, even if it is a made up joke or a fact he just learned. It breaks my heart. I got blessed with my baby, especially if one were to base his nature on his older brothers. But ya know what my older 2 goof up every day. I have had a son addicted to drugs and I put it on my blog, because I wore the mask as well. The one that said ‘not my child’ and it almost cost us his life because I refused to believe it. He is now a father a thing that may not have happened had I kept turning a blind eye and not being mean mom and putting him out on his ass when he refused to follow rules or get treatment. Hard on my heart, hard on my sense of what would others think but my son’s life was more important. Screw them. You do you and it never is all sunshine and rainbows. Ever.
    Southern Angel recently posted..In my closet….Monday ListiclesMy Profile

    • Thank you so much for sharing a part of your story here. Nobody wants to believe that their kid is going down a bad path. Good for you for knowing exactly what your son needed. I’m so glad to hear that he turned himself around. And you’re right…the sunshine and rainbows are far and few between.

  10. I can’t wear a mask. It’s not me. I much prefer to stay around those that are real and genuine. And the BS? Oh yeah. So much of it. You know I know exactly what you mean here.

  11. AMEN!! Being a mother is HARD but if your not true to yourself your living a lie. I have lost friendships over something that had to do with our children but life goes on. I am real, if you don’t like my honesty than move on, it’s as simple as that. Once upon a time I cared about what people said about me, whn they walk a day in my shoes than maybe they’ll earn the right to give me their input. And let’s be realistic there’s no such thing as 100% perfectly happy, life is filled with ups and downs. I appreciate your honesty!!
    Charity Deleon recently posted..What made me happy this week 1/25My Profile

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