So this is the season of giving…the season for magic and love and hope. Not today, it’s not. Today has another whole feeling to it.
I use my credit card for everything. It is an airline one and it earns miles for the girls’ weekend that I really want to go on someday. Come to think of it, I probably should get the Target Red Card that the cashiers constantly badger me about because I go to Target a lot and the odds of me actually getting a girls’ weekend are slim to none. Anyway, the point is, without my credit card, I feel a little stifled. I sat down to Christmas shop online yesterday and my card was declined. Few things can stop my heart like being at the store (most likely Target) and having about $200 worth of stuff rung up and the credit card not going through. Luckily online shopping spared me that. After calling the credit card company, it seems someone had a lot of fun shopping online with our credit card. Over $500 worth of fun. We aren’t responsible for it, thank God but it has left me feeling violated and without a credit card. Credit card fraud. How did this person get my number? Was it at a restaurant when we gave our credit card? Did they steal it then? Was it online? I have been doing a lot of online shopping. Not knowing makes me afraid to use it. And not using it during Christmas is not an option.
As I come upon the 5 year anniversary of losing Rocco (it’s next week), the only comfort I got from going through the things I went through…infertility, raising two kids that battle Cystic Fibrosis and losing Rocco, was that maybe I took the bullet for anyone else I loved. It doesn’t make sense but I wasn’t the only one that thought that. I actually had someone say to me when her child was being tested for CF, “Well, it’s sort of a relief that your boys have it because what are the odds that my child would have it, too? Two kids that know each other?” Yes, my jaw hit the floor, too. It’s one thing to think it but another to say it and maybe saying it to the person whose kids DO battle it, isn’t in the best taste. If only life worked that way, acquaintance that I no longer talk to…if only sadness was doled out and once someone in your family or with your friends was struck, it would move on sparing the others. For anyone out there dealing with infertility, chronic illness or loss of a baby, you are not alone and my prayers are with you.