I’m pretty sure that I have a post already labeled this but it fits right now so I am using it again. Maybe I’ll make it a theme. Every Wednesday, I’ll pour out my heart about how I have lost my patience. I would like to be more patient. I would like to be the kind of mom who doesn’t fly off the handle when met with disrespect or laziness or general nastiness/crankiness. Living with a teen is trying every last ounce of patience I have.
We have entered the stage of “I love you/I hate you” and “Go away/I need help” and I am hating it. I know the natural progression is for him to want his freedom and that all teens go through a phase where they think their parents know nothing. I know. It might have been a hundred years ago that I was a teen but I definitely remember that stage. You want so bad to be an adult (what little idiots we were, huh?) while at the same time not having any of the means to do what you want (transportation and money). Every single day there is an instance of Nico yelling or crabbing about something and then wanting to hug me and being sweet. Even though I know what it is, it still leaves my mind reeling. It leaves me emotionally drained. And leaves me drained of patience.
I want to be the kind of mom that does not yell, “I don’t care! Whichever one you want!” after Isabella asks for the fifth time, “Which shirt should I wear?” after I’ve already told her which one I like. I yell this because all day long I am answering questions like “Why do we have to go to the store?” “Why do we have to eat breakfast?” “Why do I have to take a nap?” “Why is Rolie Polie Lolie (Olie) not on?” It would be so nice if someone took the initiative and I didn’t have to make a decision or answer a thousand questions. Take Tommy, for example, a lot of times he comes downstairs in clothes that don’t match or marginally match. I just send him back up with a few suggestions. Belle, being the kind of child that is afraid to be wrong, won’t even try. I’m not asking her to choose a college. I just want her to choose a shirt. I want her to ask for help or advice on the big stuff but choosing what to wear should be all her.
By the end of the day, after doing things for everyone with not so much as a “thank you”, I have zero patience. The house is usually in shambles because as much as I pick up after Gia throughout the day, the big kids get home and they need to do homework and want a snack and have to get ready for practice. On top of that, I make two dinners every night so Gia pretty much has the run of the house from 4-7. Wait, did you just ask why I make two dinners every night? I’ll tell you so you can feel like, “Hmmm…it could be worse.” Nico has lunch first period which I think is around 9:30 or 10:00. I send him with things to eat between classes but because he needs enzymes, it’s tough. He then goes to football and by the time he comes home, he is like a rabid beast looking for food. He wants to gain weight so badly that I want to do what I can to help him. I tried to make one dinner and have it ready earlier but there wasn’t much left when the others got home so I make one at 4 and another one at 6:30. Plus there is no way Gia could wait that long to eat so she eats with Nico when he gets home and then we all eat as a family when the others come home. I am aware that this sounds crazy. Trust me, it feels crazy most nights but if it means Nico will be able to put on some weight, then it is worth it.
I want to be the kind of parent that understands that my teen is just trying to find his way…that he is probably dealing with a lot of uncertainty right now so when he’s quiet or brooding, I shouldn’t take it personally. I want to be the kind of mom that knows my daughter is at a time in her life when she, herself is facing changes and she needs encouragement to know that she is beautiful no matter what others say or think. I want to understand that the way my son gets a lot of attention is by being goofy or making others laugh and I really need to remember that at 2 years old, your whole world is the unknown so you can’t help but ask a thousand questions a day and who better to answer them than me? Who better to give my teen space while still letting him know I love him and I’m proud of him? Who better to encourage Belle? Better me than her looking elsewhere. Who better to be Tommy’s most encouraging audience? Me. It should be me.
So…
If I could find some patience…that would really help it be me.
How about you? What makes you lose your patience? What are your tricks for having more patience?
Pouring my heart out with Shell today.
I am a stay at home mom, married to my college sweetheart, Leo. We have four kids, Nico, Tommy, Isabella and Gia. We have a son, Rocco that is an angel in Heaven.
I can’t even begin to imagine what it’s like, being pulled in that many different directions. With two kids under 3, I already feel like I’m being tested, although what I face is not even a fraction of your daily life.
I have no advice – just hang on in there. You’re right, you are the best person for your children. You have to be everything for them. That’s the deal we made, when we took this motherhood gig, right?
Alison recently posted..Priorities
It is the deal we signed up for. I think when we did, though, we should have gotten an extra dose of patience, don’t you think? Thanks for the support. It helps to lean a little on friends.
I feel your pain sista! I have a 13 year old. Some days I think he’s lucky he made it to 13, and he’ll be even luckier to make it to 14! It appears that each year I lose a little bit of the patience I have left. With 2 more to follow, the youngest being 5, I think I’ll be TOTALLY out of patience by the time she leaves for college. Sending hugs your visiting.
Visiting from PYHO. Thanks for sharing.
Mich recently posted..PYHO: Sensitive Child Part 2:
Thanks for visiting! This comment made me laugh out loud because I often think, “If this kid makes it to 15 in one piece, it will be a testament to my ability to restrain myself.” Heading over to check out your site.
I don’t even know if it is the patience that is tested so much – it is just that I feel like I am on an emotional rollercoaster when I am with my almost teen. Her highs are incredibly high (obnoxiously so) and her lows are awful (don’t even talk to her). It is the most exhausting parenting I have ever had to do.
So the dinner thing. So you know we do the evening practice thing all the time too. My kids are home from school by 3:00 and usually have practices from 6 – 8 (somewhere around there) and then come home. My oldest is starving when she gets home from school – she spends the lunch period socializing not eating. And she totally needs to eat, not eating contributes to her moodiness. So because I am not usually home when they got home from schoo.l and my husband is working (he is so gifted at just ignoring them
) they are kind of own their own. Last year my daughter started eating our dinner leftovers when she got home from school. Usually she will fix her self a full plate and eat that before 4:00 and then eat again the “regular” dinner when she gets home from practice.
So now I save EVERYTHING after dinner. It annoys my husband a little (as in the “do you really need to save the cup and 1/2 of rice”), but she eats it so I might as well.
As always feeling your pain here in Massachusetts!
Yes! Yes! Yes! It IS the most exhausting parenting! I’m going to have to start making double batches of food so that there are leftovers for him to eat because that is a great idea. As always, my friend…same life…different state.
Get out of my head. Seriously.
It will get easier for us, right??
Kimberly recently posted..A Brand New Year
It has to, right? This can’t just be the way it’s going to be from now on, right? Well, at least we have each other. How about moving to IL?
I absolutely understand the hate/love teen thing! I personally hate it, it drives me insane. Incredible how they all of a sudden hate the world when not getting what they want, ugh! Patience, well I think I’m running low on that lately!
Charity Deleon recently posted..Only once
Glad I am not alone!
I think when you give up the wait for “thank you,” you’ll find a smoother road. This is where I think a dad’s simplicity is actually to his advantage; we don’t generally see beyond one or two steps. Think of a horse with blinders. Or mule. Either or.
I lose my patience when the kids say ‘no.’ “Time for bed,” “brush your teeth,” get your homework out,” should never be answered with “no.”
So we dads deal with it by taking away something they like.
Eli@coachdaddy recently posted..5 for Friday: Go ask daddy about reproductive science, canine cancer, and the power of a woman’s legs
I totally agree about the saying, “No” to those things. Drives me bonkers!
I think that what continues to make you one of my very favorite writers to read is your honesty. I think the fact that you are willing to be so raw in how you are feeling makes all of us reading just nod our heads so hard our necks hurt. I feel every single day this pull that you feel. Patience is certainly not a virtue that I possess and yet, I wish I did.
You should make this topic a meme. I would totally link up.
thedoseofreality recently posted..Can You Ever Fully Cure a Case Of Volunteeritis?
I love this comment so much! I would love to make it a meme if I knew how to do that.
To hear you say that I am one of your favorites to read makes me want to get up and do the happy dance. To also hear that you are over there nodding as you read makes me feel a thousand times less alone. Thank you, my friend!