I had a really hard time when Nico graduated. I am not sad for him to leave junior high, it was not the greatest of experiences. It had its highs and lows. As I stood there watching Nico walk down the aisle, it occurred to me: It will always be different.
I know this because I have four kids. Two with a label and two without and when I watch Belle dance or cheer or sing in a school program or I see Gia dance in her little class, I feel so much love and pride, I could burst. What mother doesn’t? When Nico and Tommy are on a field or a court or in a school program or…graduating…I feel something different. There is the pride. There is definitely the love but it is different.
I don’t even have the words which is…I know…shocking. We know the facts. We know what they are up against. And yet…they are on that field. They are on that court.
Nico walked across that stage and I thought, “Thank You, God, that he is healthy.” Maybe the tears of love and pride were mixed with the fear of what might come. I know we can’t live like that and for the most part I don’t but I wanted to freeze time. He is healthy. Every year that passes is a “Screw You” to what he battles and the number that hangs over our heads but in the nicest of ways because I wouldn’t want to wag my finger in the face of it only for it to come at him with a vengeance. Maybe the tears were from it hanging over us even on the day of his graduation, a day that should be complete joy. I know they were tears of triumph and relief because junior high was difficult (for both of us) and he made it through in one piece.
High school. New issues. New joys. New pains. I don’t like change. I will spend a lot of time praying…that he stays healthy…that he gets to do the things he loves to do…all the same things that every other parent worries about. But…it will be different. Because of the label I hate so much…it will always be different.
- We got one! Thanks to Andrea and Roy!
Linking up with Shell today:
I am a stay at home mom, married to my college sweetheart, Leo. We have four kids, Nico, Tommy, Isabella and Gia. We have a son, Rocco that is an angel in Heaven.
Beautiful. And honest and real. So glad you wrote this and shared it.
Thanks so much, my friend! I debated on whether to publish it because posts about CF are not my favorite ones to do but you know how it is when you do a blog that is about the reality of parenting…it’s the good, bad and the ugly. Thank you for your kind words. It makes me think I made the right choice.
Oh girl… you are like my soul sister. I could have written this post – and I love that you say it so perfectly. Absolutely 100% true. Beautiful post. Love it.
I know you could have. Thank you for your kind words. It means a lot coming from you since you are right there with me.
I totally get what you’re saying…mine has a label too. And yes. It will always be different and since I have just this one I’ll never know what “normal” means. Every end of a school year is filled with relief as well as dread about the next one.
So true…so true. I’m sorry that you deal with “It will always be different” too.
Double edged swords are tough to carry! I hope his high school years are all you hope they will be!
Michelle
http://normalchaosforamultitaskmom.blogspot.com/2012/06/when-life-gets-messy.html
Thanks for the well wishes, Michelle!
This was beautifully honest. I can’t imagine going through what you face. I’ll be right here, hoping and wishing along with you that his high school years are easy on you.
I know you will and that brings me so much comfort!
So beautiful! I’m glad that you were able to get a picture
Moms always have each other’s backs!
Thanks so much. As soon as I did the Camera post, a neighbor emailed me the picture. So grateful that both our last names end in “G”!
Being a mom is the hardest job in the world. We don’t realize how much we could love someone until we see our child whether by birth or adoption. But with that loves there is fear, worry and panic. These are the feelings no one wants to talk about. Whether you have a typical , special needs or just a different child the feelings are there, they manifest themselves in different way and when we least expect them. It’s great that you are able to connect with how you feel, it’s so important to be honest to yourself.
It is the hardest job in the world! I wish more of us would talk about it so we didn’t feel so alone. Thanks for the support!
I can’t even imagine how hard this is to face daily as a parent. You’re strong and you’re a good mom, don’t ever forget that. Your boys will do wonderfully.
Thanks, Alison. Those words mean a lot…truly!
He looks very handsome.
Thanks, Maria! He looks so grown up to me in this picture.
Such an honest post.
It IS different- you are just acknowledging it!