I debated on whether to write about this but thought that years from now, I want a record of the crazy conversations that are sometimes had over here. You know when you are in bed at night replaying the day in your head and you get to a point when you ask yourself, “Did I really say that?” Well this is one of those conversations. Let me start out by saying that Isabella has one of the best teachers my kids have ever had or that I have ever known. He is enthusiastic, fun, smart and so good at easing a child’s worry or a parent’s concern. Isabella has always loved school but I have seen her confidence level soar this year. I tell her all the time that she can be whatever she wants to be and do whatever she sets her mind to and I think this year she finally believes it and I think it is because of her teacher this year.

The conversation:

Belle (after school): Mom, my teacher challenged us over break to come with questions for science and so I wrote a bunch down.
Me (trying to decide what to make for dinner): That’s great. You didn’t even ask for any help. Nice job.
Belle (beaming): He said that I had good questions and that I could be a great scientist because great scientists work hard to find answers to their questions. So, now I want to be a scientist. What do you think?
Me (seeing a lot of battles over the hard science and math classes): I think you can be whatever you want as long as you are willing to work for it. Maybe you’ll be the scientist that cures CF.
Belle (as if a light bulb went off in her head): Yes! That is the kind of scientist I want to be! But…
Me (deciding on Sloppy Joes): But what?
Belle (looking sad): After I said that at school, some of the kids started making fun of me saying that scientists are nerds (sorry for any scientists reading this…not my opinion).
Me (hating how mean kids are): Scientists are not nerds (see, scientists…I have your back). They are the smartest people in the world (sorry all other professions…didn’t mean to generalize). Even doctors go to them to find answers.
Belle: Yeah, that’s right. They are really smart.
Tommy (walking into the room): Who is really smart?
Belle (proudly): Scientists. I am going to be one when I grow up.
Tommy: Oh, no way! You are not even close to being smart enough to be one. I am better at science than you are anyway.
Belle (before I even got a chance to say anything to Tommy): OH MY GOD, TOMMY! SHUT UP! I AM SO SMART ENOUGH! MY TEACHER SAYS SO!
Me (mad now that Belle yelled so Gia woke up from a too short nap): Belle, you don’t need to scream at him. Tommy apologize. She can be a scientist if she wants.

About an hour later while I was making dinner:
Belle: Mom, do you think I am smart enough to be a scientist?
Me: Yes.
Belle: What if I don’t understand the classes?
Me (not really wanting to think about the future science classes she would have to take): You take classes before the classes that are hard so that you’ll understand them better. You’ll have to study a lot but you can do it.
Belle (getting frustrated and agitated…why? I have no idea): What if the before classes are hard? What if I study them and I still don’t know them? I am not good at studying. I forget all the time.
Me (not really believing that I am having a conversation about classes she has not even had yet): Why don’t you wait until you are older and have the classes before worrying about that?
Belle (rolling her eyes): You never want to talk about what I might do when I get older.
Me (hating the rolling of the eyes): We are talking about that but you are getting upset about classes you don’t even know that you won’t understand.
Belle: I’m just saying. What if I can’t be a scientist? Should I be an artist? What about a baker?
Me (I’m not going to lie. I was getting tired of the conversation.): You are good at all of those things.
Tommy (sitting at the table doing his homework): You should just be an artist. It’s too hard to be a scientist and you’ll get frustrated and Mom can’t help you and then you’ll cry.
Belle (stomping her feet): I am not going to cry and Mom won’t be at college with me so she can’t help. You’re the dumb one. I can too be a scientist! Mom, make him stop talking to me.
Me (the bickering at this point is nails on a chalkboard): Tommy knock it off. Belle, people are going to tell you for the rest of your life that you can’t do things. You can choose to believe them and quit or you can believe in yourself and work hard to make your dreams come true. If you want to be a scientist, don’t listen to people that tell you that you can’t.
Nico (walking into the kitchen from practice): Who is going to be a scientist?
Belle (exasperated at this point): Nevermind! Everyone just be quiet about it!
Tommy (being the aggravator that he is): Belle is.
Nico: Seriously? Scientists are nerds.
Belle (crying…I kid you not…crying): See! I told you! Everyone thinks that scientists are nerds! No one thinks I can be a scientist and even if I am, I’ll be a nerd!
Me (having zero patience and no wine in the house): You know what? Forget it, Belle! You shouldn’t be a scientist! If you are so worried about what everyone else thinks and you are going to believe people when they say you aren’t smart enough, then you can’t be one! Tommy, stop saying she isn’t smart enough when she got a better grade than you in science and Nico, it is a scientist that is going to cure CF so nerd or not, you better have the utmost respect for them because they are the answers to your prayers!

All four of my children looked at me like I was crazy and at that moment, I admit, I was in a speak before think mode. I realized I had just joined the people that told her she couldn’t be a scientist, threw Tommy under the bus with his science grade and yelled at Nico about CF. Another Mom of the Year award down the drain.

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I should be a lot better at this than I am. I already went through it with Nico. I taught a semester of 5th grade so 4th should be a piece of cake. I remember my 4th grade teacher. Mrs. Arnold. She was an okay enough teacher. I think she was funny but she did this weird thing when she got mad. Her eyes bugged out. (I wonder if when I am yelling at my kids, if my eyes do that. Hmmm…I’ll have to ask them.) Anyway, my point is that I didn’t really like 4th grade the first time I went through it, I really hated it the second time (with Nico) and now, here I am again and I should be better at it but am not. Actually, I am liking it even less than when Nico was there.

I dislike book reports, reading logs, summaries, and the states…my God…the states. All of this times two. Tommy, I think, has a photographic memory so memorizing where the states go isn’t that hard for him but reading and finishing a book and then writing the summary for it is. He writes the summary with as little information as possible under the umbrella of “I don’t want to ruin it for my teacher.” Isabella’s summaries are a novel and she gets very angry when someone (read: me or Tommy) tries to tell her that summaries are supposed to be a “glimpse” of the book and not the whole story. She does not have a photographic memory. She has to work really hard at memorizing the states and when she makes a mistake, she melts down about how she is going to fail (she has yet to fail any test that she has ever taken so my patience level for that meltdown is at 0). They’ve had a lot of time to learn these and work on these summaries but of course, now that they are due this week and the test is this week (Why? Why? Why in the same week?), everyone is in a panic. It’s not that they haven’t studied from the beginning. I had them work with each other. BIG MISTAKE. It always ended up in some form of violence (Belle towards Tommy and not all that undeserving). God forbid I ever work on it with one and not the other. There is a therapist’s couch out there that someday one of them will be sitting on saying, “My mom loved him/her better because she helped more with the states and summaries.” I could sound really organized and say that I set aside time to work with each of them so there is equal time but that would be a lie. In this house, we work on it in bits when there is time…we grab them when we can.

I know it is 4th grade and in the grand scheme of things, no one cares what grade you got on a test over the Central States or a book summary but when you are in the midst of it and it is their whole world, they care a lot. So much so that I feel like I am right back there. I have to say, I don’t think Mrs. Arnold would be very proud of what I have remembered from her class. I know it is good to have common knowledge but do we really need to know the capitals of the states? I’m pretty sure that information is tucked away in my brain in the file: Things I forgot immediately after I was tested on it. It is right next to Algebra and the Periodic Table of Elements.

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I had a great Thanksgiving with a lot of delicious food. I think I might be able to go a week or two without eating and I’d still have food left over. The food I ate the most of was the two things I can’t get year round.

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Remember doing this in elementary school? I’m revisiting this activity. Simple but effective:

T is for Tommy. I am thankful for his laid back personality and the way he makes me laugh. I love his cuddles and how he loves to be the center of attention no matter what he is doing.
H is for Husband. I am thankful that after 22 years, I am still wildly attracted to him and madly in love with him. He is still hilarious and tries very hard to make everyone happy. Thankful that I got one of the good ones.
A is for all my friends who I would be lost without. You are my sanity and I love the time I spend with you. Whether I have known you for a lifetime or just a short time, once you are in my heart, you are there forever. Thank you for all you do for me and the joy you bring me. I am thankful that I have the greatest friends in the world!
N is for Nico. I am thankful for the man he is growing to be. I am thankful that we have the kind of relationship where he knows he can come to me with anything. It might not be like that forever but I am thankful that it is like that now. He is a typical teenager who is a survivor and a fighter and I am proud of him every single day.
K is for kindness that in a world that is jaded, I am still lucky enough to find in neighbors and friends that are so kind they will give you the shirt off your back and pray for your family if asked.
S is for sisters. I am so thankful for the relationship with my sisters. Each one is my best friend in a different way. My mom and dad must have done something right because they are some of the best people I know in this world. It’s true that even if they weren’t my sisters, I’d still want them as my friends.
G is for Gia. I am so thankful that God blessed me with the surprise miracle that is is her. She is spunky and funny and stubborn like the rest of them but when she looks at me and says, “I wuuuuvvvv Mommeeee,” my heart melts and all is right in the world.
I is for Isabella. I am so thankful for her kindness, compassion and most of all her help. When she loves something, she loves it with her whole heart. She is my biggest fan and I am hers.
V is for value and validation. I value and am thankful to all that read this blog. It has been a dream of mine to write for more than just myself and having people tell me they are reading or that they enjoy it or even that it made them think or motivated them to take action makes me feel good and validates that dream each time. Thanks to all that read it! I was going to say vacation for this one because I need one but I can’t be thankful for something I haven’t had yet.
I is illness. I am thankful that no one suffers from any today. Of course I just jinxed it but for once, no one woke up sick on a holiday. Yay!
N is for NO CLEANING today! I am thankful that my house is almost done and knowing that, I can take a break from cleaning today.
G is for great parents. I am so thankful for my mom and dad. The commitment they made over 40 years ago to raise a family has brought much happiness and joy to my life. I love them as parents and as friends. I still talk to my mom ten times a day and she is the first one I call when I am happy or when I am sad. If I am even half the mom that she is, my kids will be pretty lucky. Spending time with my dad is still one of my favorite ways to pass the time. I love his stories and his outlook on life. He never gives advice without being asked but when asked, he does it without judgement. He is the most reliable person I know and I love that I can count on him even as an adult. G is also for Gramps. I love you, Gramps and I am thankful for all the time I get to spend with you! I think you might be my biggest supporter and I love that you believe in me.

Happy Thanksgiving to everyone! I hope that everyone’s holiday is a blessed one filled with good food, good times and no drama (we can hope, right?).

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I finished the boys’ room! It was a huge job that took the better part of yesterday. Nico asked me if we could do it and knowing he wanted to get it done motivated him to help. Nico has the most clothes out of anyone. It’s easy to figure out why. First, he is very clear on what he wants. Second, he is growing at an enormous speed so outgrows the ones he has pretty quickly (I’d be lying if I said this bothered me…it reassures me that he is just like every other, normal, healthy 8th grader). Third, I don’t have to feel guilty that there are hand me downs that he could be wearing so I shouldn’t be buying him new clothes so the buying experience is a lot more gratifying. I have way too many bins of clothes for Tommy when he finally fits into them but am just not able (or have a desire to) go through the clothes and choose what to keep and what to donate. I have no idea what his taste in clothes will be in the coming years so in the store room they have gone.

What Nico and I wanted to accomplish was to give the boys more space in their room. There was no way to do that without getting rid of some of the bigger pieces. When we bought their bedroom set before Gia was born, it was with the intent to bunk them. We bought a really nice bunk bed set (more of a loft/bunk) that had a desk on one side and a book shelf/dresser on the other. Then we added a tall dresser because we are more dresser people than closet people. We were idiots. Changing sheets with bunk beds is the BIGGEST hassle. With the boys having CF, two things come into play. The first is that they sweat a lot when they sleep. A LOT! If I leave it (which is admittedly gross…and admittedly have done), it smells up the room pretty fast. The other is that I read on a CF message board that an older man that had it really felt that he stayed healthy by doing (this), (this) and (this) and one of the things was changing his sheets everyday so he wasn’t sleeping in his own sweat and dirt. For some reason, this stuck with me and though on nights when they don’t sweat too much, I don’t change them, I have bought into this practice. Those two things and bunk beds do not mesh well at all. The beds were bunked for awhile because the boys swore they would help but after the hundredth fight, I had enough and we took them apart. That left a very crowded room.

I am happy to say that Nico and I did it. We tried to get Leo to help but he is really, really stubborn and wanted it his way (we wasted an hour arguing over whether or not to bunk them again…it’s easy to want to when you aren’t the one changing the sheets). I wanted to do the room the boys’ way since it was their room and I felt that if they had invested in doing it, they would be more apt to keep it clean. Nico and I moved all of the furniture, got rid of two big pieces (one to donate, the other in storage) cleaned out the closet and drawers, threw away or donated stuff and now they have a ton of space. Everyone (except maybe Leo) went to bed happy (really late, but happy).

The Cancer Federation is coming today to pick up the tons of stuff we donated and Amvets will be here on Monday for the overflow. I have boxes and crates of books ready to be sold (I need Leo’s help to do that because there are a lot and they are heavy which scares me that it will take forever to get done). My closet and the kitchen are the only ones left. I’ll tell you how bad of a time I am having doing my closet: I chose exercising, something I do not enjoy, rather than work on it. I broke in the treadmill. I said I was only going to see how it worked and only walk for 10 minutes. Well, 25 minutes later, I was still walking and watching TV. All to avoid cleaning my closet. Pretty sad.

Anyway, some progress is better than no progress. Tomorrow I will do my thankful post and hopefully, “I am thankful that my closet is done” will be on there.

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I used to love that the kids had a whole week off of school the week of Thanksgiving. No waking up early. No homework. No running around making lunches or getting kids out the door. It was great. It was relaxing. It is no longer that way. I ran around today like a chicken with my head cut off trying to get things done. On the schedule today was having my bff over with her kids (she was going to help me finish my room while the kids hung out), driving Nico all over Wheaton so he could meet up with his friends (and have the dreaded sleepover that better last him awhile), going back to Target to buy things I forgot the first time and going to a friends for Monday Night Football (and I know the rest of Chicago is mourning Cutler’s broken thumb but I have faith in Hanie. I kinda love him since he ran Nico’s football camp one year and was so sweet to him). All I really wanted to do was finally break in the treadmill since my room is done and go to bed since I am tired all the way to the bones. The funniest part of my day:

I said yes to a sleepover with Tommy and one of his good friends. Tommy stayed there once and has been begging me to have him here. Isabella stayed at a friend’s so it worked out. If you follow this or know me, you know how I feel about the sleepovers so I won’t repeat it here (I hate them…oops, couldn’t help myself). I didn’t have any food for breakfast (I think Frankenberries is an acquired taste) so because Gia was still sleeping at 9:00, I ran to Target. I gave Nico instructions to get her when she cried and feed her toast. I told him to listen for her because she was going to wake up any minute.

While at Target, I tried to get in touch with Nico to tell him that Tommy’s friend’s mom was going to pick him up at 10:30 so he needed to eat something (she said he liked cereal). He didn’t answer the phone. I called his cell which is usually glued to him and nothing. Now, that could either have meant he was busy with Gia or was in the basement and didn’t hear the phone and if that was the case, if he didn’t hear the phone, he wasn’t going to hear Gia. I felt myself getting more and more mad. I mean, c’mon. I wanted to run to the store. I should be able to leave my 8th grader for an hour. I got home and yep…they were in the basement and Gia, luckily was playing in her crib. I was worried so I had to cut my Target trip short so I forgot a bunch of stuff I needed to get. That meant that at some point I’d have to go back and probably with the younger three kids. So much aggravation because he didn’t just answer the house phone or his phone.

I left Leo a nice text wishing him a good day at work (he’s a little stressed out these days) and I told him I loved him. He called me at the exact time I was mad about the phone thing and I went into my rant for about ten minutes. I talked about how Nico should know to have a house phone with him and that he is in charge of the other kids and how irresponsible it was to have a phone and not have it with him. I asked Leo why he was calling thinking it was to comment on the text I sent him and guess what he said? “I left my phone at home today so don’t try and get in touch with me on that.” Hmmm…apple, meet tree.

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We got a second dumpster and finished the basement (biggest job of the house), the two store rooms, Isabella’s room and half the garage. I am still painstakingly doing my room. I have grown to really dislike working on it. Too many hurts dug up. Apparently that is where I hid or stored all things related to CF, infertility, my Nana and Papa’s death, my Grams’ death, Rocco’s death and a gazillion clothes that don’t fit or are out of style. Good times. Thanks to my good friend Jen’s husband, Norm, my book shelf is put up and I am working on putting my books away (I like that part). I have to say that if I see one more picture of my kids or my family, I might puke. I wasn’t kidding when I said I liked having tangible snapshots of moments in my life. I just didn’t realize I had ALL of them. Up next is the kitchen and the boys’ room. I have to take the books to Half Price Books (they are so heavy).

To take a break, I went and saw Breaking Dawn. I won’t say too much except that it stayed true to the book. It was graphic and hard to watch in some places. I liked it because I really like any movie that brings the characters that I have enjoyed back (Sex and the City, Twilight, Something Borrowed). There are obvious things about all of these examples that I would have liked to have been different but just seeing them on the screen was enjoyment enough. I am on Team Edward but I have to admit that Jacob was pretty cute in this movie and if there was a Team Emmit, I’d be on that one. The worst part of the movie is that we have to wait a whole year before seeing the next part. I hate when they do that. I will, however, not be letting my kids go see it. I know Bella and Edward are married but there are still some images that I don’t think need to be in their head. Just my opinion for my kids. As always…to each his/her own.

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Those of you that were thinking it is impossible for me to be speechless, I was! I walked into the conference with Nico’s gym teacher knowing exactly what I was going to say. I had the conversation over and over again in my head. Believe it or not, I hate confrontation. I just want everyone to get along. I want everyone to do their job and be fair. I was angry about a lot of things going on in P.E. and had a lot to say. When I made the conference, I was upset with 1st quarter so I made it with his first quarter teacher. I walked in and…HE WASN’T THERE! He did NOT show up. He sent his student teacher who had only been there the first week of 2nd quarter and didn’t even know Nico. This spoke volumes to us. If something came up, he should have emailed or called letting us know he wasn’t going to be there. It is really hard to get behind a teacher that I don’t respect and a lot of what he has done this year has caused me to lose respect for him. Nico won’t have him again this year so I am not pursuing the discussion.Nico’s teacher now was there but I really didn’t have an issue with him. We talked about the flag running and I did get my say in that just because a kid is an athlete doesn’t mean he likes running because he said at curriculum night that if we have an athlete, they expect more. We disagreed on the respect issue. I don’t think it is blatantly disrespectful that Nico jogs to get the flags. He thinks because he is an athlete and the job is to get 34 flags, he is being disrespectful by jogging. I wanted to say that because he is an athlete and was doing both football and basketball, he was riddled with injuries and fatigue (football was still going on when he had to go to intramurals before trying out for the basketball team) but I held back. I said something like that but he wasn’t going to change my mind and I wasn’t going to change his so what was the point? Leo and I both stated our opinion about the outdated practice of running for flags every Friday for the last 3 years and the gym teacher did say they were going to change it up.

The thing that bothers me was how much emphasis was placed on Nico being a leader because he is an athlete. Don’t get me wrong, I am proud of Nico and how hard he works and if he ends up being a leader of some kind, great but that is a lot of pressure to put on a 13 year old who happens to play basketball for the school. I am truly flattered on some level that they think of him as having potential to be a leader. That is great. However, that being said, it was said that Nico has the ability to change the behavior of boys making bad choices. Maybe I am alone in feeling this way but I think it is ridiculous to expect Nico to tell another kid that he is making a bad choice. I can see him telling a friend of his to knock it off if he is goofing around but there are some scary kids in junior high and I’d rather him walk away when a kid is throwing food than try and get the kid to change his mind. They kept saying that he can set a good example and others will follow. He can most definitely behave himself but that is because that is what we expect him to do. I am not concerned with who is following his example. It’s not my kid’s job because he is an athlete to make sure everyone is behaving. A good friend said, “How about everyone is responsible for their own behavior and call it a day?” I agree. With all this emphasis on athletes, it is no wonder I see parents from Tommy’s sports forcing their kids to play. What I want to know is what about the kids that are into drama? Student council? Band? Chorus? Can’t they step out and be leaders? It left a pretty bad taste in my mouth. Being an athlete is not the end all be all. There is life besides sports. It’s Nico’s life because it is what he loves to do.

The rest of the conferences went really well with the teachers saying Nico was doing fine. I told them about his upcoming surgery which will be December 15th. He’ll miss the field trip but other than that, they were very understanding. Nico’s eighth grade experience is very different than his 6th and 7th. These teachers genuinely care about him and he has told me and they confirmed that he has built some good relationships with them. Besides gym, I couldn’t be happier.

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Nico had a game yesterday. I have said it before and I’ll probably say it again but I really enjoy going to his games. I like going to all the kids’ stuff. It’s very cool to see your children doing something other than drive their siblings crazy. We played a team that during the “feeder” season didn’t have the most hmmm…how do I say it…well, the nicest fans. They were screamers and they didn’t care who they were screaming about. This was the school team so not every player from the feeder was there and there were other players that weren’t on the feeder that were there.

When I walked in and saw the other team, I immediately saw their size. They were huge and they had muscles. They looked like they could have driven themselves to the game and then were maybe going to go out for a beer after. I thought that there was no way Nico’s team was going to win. Nico played pretty well and it was an exciting game the whole way through. The thing that drives me crazy is that the way the gyms are set up in the middle schools or junior highs is that there is no home bleachers and no visitor bleachers. All of the parents sit together. Now, there should be an understanding that everyone out there is someone’s child so we should watch what we say. We should really only yell things like “rebound, put your hands up, or nice shot.” It should be a rule that you NEVER yell things about a specific child or number. Nico is a pretty aggressive athlete and so you can imagine how annoyed I was when every five minutes I would hear the guy behind me yell, “Watch #2. Stay on #2. Don’t let #2 shoot. Who’s got #2?” Yes, Nico is #2.  I didn’t know if I should be annoyed (I was) or flattered (not so much) that he thought Nico was good enough to be yelling to watch out for him. I thought it was incredibly rude when he yelled specifically about one of our players and it wasn’t, “Nice job.” I turned around and looked at him. I turned around and frowned but he kept on yelling. If he had started yelling negatively about Nico, I swear I was all set to stand up and say, “I came here to watch my son play basketball and because you are ruining it by being very disrespectful, I am going to have to move.” It was that bad. I felt bad for his son. When the game was tied, he started yelling from across the gym, “Open your freaking mouth and tell him to put you in!” Can you even imagine? I mean, you might think it but would you ever say it? Across a gym? When his son mouthed, “He won’t,” the dad started yelling, “Put—insert kid’s name—in!” I was so embarrassed for that kid. Nico’s team ended up winning the game and of course the dad made the excuse that it was because his kid wasn’t playing or he alluded to that. I’m not sure which. He started talking to one of our parents and I had to walk away. I’ve said it before, when they cut out some of my tongue, I think they took my filter or my censor. I have Nico’s conferences tonight with the first being the gym teacher that I am not a fan of. Should be interesting with no filter.

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