Bittersweet Curriculum Night

Last night, Leo and I went to curriculum night at Tommy and Belle’s school. I don’t enjoy this night usually. I have a hard time listening to what the teacher is saying because the whole time I am remembering when I was in his/her shoes. I hated talking to the parents when I taught. One year while I was nervously speaking, I had a mom and dad making out in the back of the room. I’m sure that they thought they were being romantic but I had the hardest time getting through what I had to say. Another year, I had a parent raise her hand every other minute not allowing me to answer any of her questions before she asked. That same parent ended her questions session with “Little Johnny says you never allow time to go to the bathroom or for them to sharpen their pencils. Is that true?” I just stared at her for a moment and held back saying, “Well, Little Johnny told me about the time your husband got rip-roaring drunk and fell through your screen door and you screamed you were divorcing him.” Instead, I added to my curriculum night talk, “I won’t believe everything I hear about you if you don’t believe everything you hear about me.” It wasn’t that I didn’t like the parents. For the most part, I had great parents. It was standing up in front of a room full of adults. Even now, give me 100 kids and I can command the room but 20 adults and I am a bundle of nerves. I loved teaching. Loved being a teacher, loved the kids, loved lesson planning, loved that it consumed every part of my world. Everything was always about, “How can I make this concept fun?” When I studied to be a teacher, I thought of it as a job to do until I got married and had kids. When I started teaching, I was hooked. It became so much more. I had great teachers around me that became my lifelong friends. Going to work was never a struggle. I had adult relationships that kept me smiling and the kids…the kids were some of the biggest challenges but also the biggest rewards. I had one child ask me every day since announcing I was pregnant if I had my baby yet. Finally one of the other kids was tired of it (as was I) and said, “Can’t you see that she is still really fat?”

One year I had a class that were big “tattletales” and it was driving me crazy. All day long I was refereeing fights. Finally I bought a monkey poster taped it to their general height on a wall and told them that if they had a problem, they could go “tell it to the monkey.” I cannot tell you what a world of difference it made in the classroom and how amusing that time was for me. Watching kids talk to the monkey poster about why so and so won’t lend him a pencil or that so and so kept looking at him was priceless. Obviously for bigger problems, I didn’t make them talk to the monkey. After the novelty wore off and they realized that they were actually just talking to the wall, the tattling stopped.

Teaching wasn’t just a job for me. It was a huge part of who I was and who I am today. Leaving it was a huge sacrifice that on the days when my kids are driving me crazy, I wonder why I left it to begin with. It’s one of the hardest jobs to get back into but I do hope that someday I will be able to go back. I don’t know, though. I talk to friends of mine that are still teaching and they tell me it is so different. I am not the same person I was back when I was teaching and I don’t agree with a lot of what the schools are doing so maybe I wouldn’t fit anymore. Maybe that chapter of my life is over. It really was a good one and I miss it. It’s one of those jobs that you don’t realize you were any good at it until you are not doing it anymore and I miss feeling good at something. I miss making a difference in a child’s life that isn’t allowed to say, “I hate you” while I’m doing it. I miss having kids that actually do what I tell them. I miss having someone say, “You are doing a great job.”

These were the things that I was thinking about while Tommy’s teacher was talking (Leo was with Belle’s who, by the way, is awesome. He’s a young guy whose wife just had a baby and he loves his job and Belle thinks he walks on water already). I know it is early in the year but I just loved everything she stood for. It is no secret how much I hate homework and she doesn’t really believe in it. She wants them to practice spelling and read. Once in awhile she said she’ll send home math. LOVE HER! She doesn’t like reading logs and it was the 4th grade reading log that killed reading for Nico so I completely agree with her on that one. I know she gets a lot of flack for not giving more homework but having had a kid that had the “homework” teachers, it didn’t prepare him for anything. For years we heard that they were just getting them ready for middle school but middle school has a study hall so he had less homework in middle school than in elementary school. It didn’t get him better grades (most teachers didn’t even grade it) or make him smarter. It didn’t help me help him. It was just busy work that interfered with our family life and kept him from playing with friends. They have their whole life to be bogged down with homework, why does it have to start in elementary school?

I am cautiously optimistic that this year will be a good one since Leo said that Belle’s teacher feels the same way (doesn’t like reading logs either). During this honeymoon period, I am going to bask in the glow that I won’t have to write any “frustrated school” posts. I am going to enjoy this moment until next Thursday when we have Nico’s curriculum night and then see if I still have reason to be optimistic.

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Crushes

I know it is a subjective point of view but I have the hottest husband out there. He still makes my heart skip a beat and I love him more now than I did 22 years ago. That being said, I have fallen prey to many crushes over the years. I’m not quiet about them either. I know…hard to believe. If you’re an avid reader (or even read yesterday’s you know that one that has been for a few years is yes, Taylor Kitsch (aka, Tim Riggins). Others that have stood the test of time are Paul Walker, Channing Tatum and Josh Hartnett.

Growing up, my sisters and I and our friends would play “Teenagers” and “House”. I had a different make-believe boyfriend for both. When we played “Teenagers”, it was Matt Dillon. God, how I loved Matt Dillon and really still think he is cute but I no longer have posters of him on my wall. When we played “House”, John Stamos was my husband. The rule in our house is that once you claimed someone, no one else could like them. We used to love watching the movie The Outsiders because all but one of our crushes were in that movie (Scott Baio being the one that wasn’t). In high school it was Jake Ryan from Sixteen Candles and then I liked Patrick Swayze (before he was even famous and was in the show The Renegades). Then after Legends of the Fall, it was Brad Pitt. It was Brad Pitt for awhile.

Through the years, it changed to Troy Aikman (I think all the way up until I started watching Friday Night Lights) which made watching football all day long on Sundays not as painful and David Beckham, which made watching soccer with Leo when he was on that kick bearable.

Leo is a good sport about the whole thing and has some crushes of his own. It doesn’t bother either of us since they aren’t crushes on “real” people. It’s like the one episode of Friends when Ross and Rachel came up with a list (I think Ross even laminated his) of the 5 famous people they could be with. You know it is never going to happen so it is innocent fun.

So I challenge you to think of who would be on your list and I ask, who are/were your crushes? I’m not alone in having them or having had them, am I?

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TV Shows I Hated to See End

Gia woke up at 3:00am this morning. I can’t wait until she starts feeling better. I couldn’t fall back to sleep after I got her to go back to sleep so I ended up watching television. I watched the finale (again!) of Sex and the City and it got me thinking. I really miss that show. I loved every bit of it, the friendships, each of the women, the men that they dated or loved, Carrie’s career. All of it. I DVR the reruns on E! and never get tired of rewatching. That got me thinking of all the other shows I have loved and lost because they ended.

Starting when I was younger, I used to love Happy Days and Welcome Back Kotter. I was a sucker for Joanie and Chachi (though he was my sister’s true love so I didn’t have a thing for Scott Baio…just loved the love story) and what girl didn’t love Vinnie Barbarino?

A show that I used to watch with my Nana and even now it’s another show I watch all the reruns to is Golden Girls. I think the reason this show appealed to me was the friendship hook. I used to imagine my friends and me still friends when we are older. Now watching it makes me feel close to my Nana who passed away when I was 21 (way too young to lose someone you love that much).

Two shows that I know I was not alone in hating that they were ending was Seinfeld and Friends. I didn’t like the way Seinfeld ended but loved the way Friends did. Again, two shows that have friendships at the core of their shows. My favorite character on Friends was Rachel so any episode that centered around her was a favorite (though Ross, Chandler and Joey made laugh as well). Elaine was my favorite character on Seinfeld (“Maybe the Dingo ate your baby.”) so it is no surprise that I loved….

The New Adventures of the Old Christine: I started watching this show when it had already ended and some of the smaller channels picked up the reruns. This show makes me laugh out loud and I am sad that it isn’t on anymore and that nothing on TV makes me laugh like that. I can relate to how overwhelmed she sometimes gets with life and how sometimes a little wine helps (though my drink of choice would be a margarita). Her brother makes me laugh out loud as well. Such a good show.

King of Queens: My whole family watches these reruns. I loved the way this one ended but hated that it ended at all. I think Kevin James is hilarious and would laugh watching him do anything. Doug and Carrie’s relationship wasn’t that far off from Leo and mine so I found a lot to laugh about. Once in awhile I’ll tell Leo, “I basically married a skinny Dough Heffernan.”

The Sopranos: Leo and I watched two shows together and this was one of them. Besides the fact that I am Italian and the show was a huge conversation piece at our Sunday dinners so if you didn’t watch, you were lost in the conversation, I found Tony to be a bad guy that I rooted for. I loved Carmella’s character and like most, hated how it ended.

Oz: This was the other show and I could have left it out because why in the world did I watch that show? It’s the same with Law and Order SVU.  The topics are grisly, hard to hear and uncomfortable to watch and yet, I can’t help but be glued to the TV and interested in the characters. I did have a crush on O’Reilly (the smart brother) and funny how he ended up on SVU which is how I got hooked on that show. Darn crushes. I hated that series ending, too. What is with HBO not tying up any storylines before
they end a show?

I watched ER when Carol left to be with Doug and in my opinion that was one of the best season endings but it wasn’t the series ending. I stopped watching ER and Grey’s Anatomy after we found out Nico had CF and after Rocco died. Too much medical stuff was happening in my real life. I didn’t want to watch while I was trying to escape. Once in awhile I’ll watch Grey’s on Lifetime but then I’m reminded why I stopped.

I’d love to comment on Lost because I loved that show but can’t until after Christmas when I get the last season on DVD. No idea what was going on in my life at the time that I couldn’t watch the show on my DVR but somehow, I didn’t.

I can’t write this post without mentioning my all time favorite: Friday Night Lights. I am so sad that it isn’t on anymore. I loved this show (I know…you know) and I know they stayed on longer than they thought they would but I wish they would have developed the new characters. I wish the old ones would have come back. I loved Eric and Tammy’s portrayal of marriage and it didn’t hurt having to look at Taylor Kitsh once a week. I am fine with how it ended though I wish they would have tied up Lyla’s storyline…at least a mention to what she is doing besides just going to college.

I’m sure there are more that I didn’t mention: Laverne and Shirley, Three’s Company, Ally McBeal, Knot’s Landing but that is only because I can’t remember how they ended and there aren’t any reruns of them on now.

Looking forward to my favorite coming back: Parenthood and the show Up All Night looks promising. I heard that there is a new football show coming on so I plan on checking that out.

I know…I watch too much TV but if that is one of my only vices, then so be it. :)

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A Perfect Weeked of Sorts

This weekend was a day crammed with activity which normally is not my favorite way to spend the weekend. It started on Friday night when I went to dinner with some longtime friends from high school (D.W., J.R., and J.B.). I hadn’t seen them in over 20 years and thanks to Facebook am probably better friends with them now and it was so good to catch up. The best kind of friends are the ones that you can jump right into conversations with and laugh like you just saw each other yesterday. That’s the way these friends were and though I have to apologize for talking their ears off (I just got the ability to speak back and it was hard to hold back), I had so much fun catching up. Actually, they all have kept in contact so I thank them for letting me into their world for a night. I am really hoping that 20 years doesn’t go by without us getting together again. Getting together with them made me think of the people that come into our lives for a short time or any amount of time and leave a mark. I can remember something significant about each of them when we were growing up. It makes me wonder what mark I have left or am leaving?

Yesterday was filled with football games. Tommy played at 10:00 and Belle cheered for him. Belle had to cheer for her second squad at 11:30 and Nico played at 7:00 at Willowbrook High School. The best way I can describe yesterday is that there is something magical about watching your kids do what they love to do. It doesn’t matter what it is, singing, cheering, a sport, acting in a play, speaking at church, running for student council, playing an instrument, drawing, painting, whatever…something happens when they are successful or are just loving doing it. You see them as their own little people enjoying what they are doing and it feels good. Those moments don’t come as often as some of the disappointments do so when they do come, I grab onto them and teach my kids to grab onto them and enjoy them. They are no longer the three kids constantly fighting with each other. The boys use those talents on the fields they are on and when Belle is cheering, she just shines. She smiles like she was meant to be yelling at the stands instead of at her brothers. Gia was less than thrilled to be at the game and cried that she couldn’t be by Belle (Thanks Sydney and Julie for taking her for me so I could see some of the game!) but even she and I had one of those perfect moments. We were on a blanket in the shade and she ended up cuddling with me looking at the clouds. My mom babysat for Gia so I could go to Nico’s game which was a HUGE help so thanks, Mom. She made dinner, the boys ate after the game and fell fast asleep. I didn’t have to drive anyone anywhere and didn’t have to field any, “Can we have a sleepover?” questions. Leo missed his football draft because of what we had going on and I only started feeling better, was a good sport about me going to dinner on Friday and after a big day of football, I didn’t care that he went to have a drink with some friends.  I spent some time writing in my book and it really was the perfect end to a perfect two days.

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7 Links

Finally have answers: Chest xray showed I have bronchitis. Funny that I asked that since Gia has it but since I just had surgery, everyone was afraid it was something more. Already feeling better with the new meds.

I’ve been tagged in the blog world by a friend to go over my blog and choose 7 posts that fit the categories given. It is sort of looking back and picking the best of.

Here goes:
Most Beautiful Post: This was a hard one. Some of the ones that I think are beautiful are tied with things not so beautiful. So I picked Sundays and Easter but could have added: How Leo and I Came To Be: Part 2 because I think love stories are beautiful.

Most Popular: The post that had the most comments which is the only way I can see if it was popular was: People Magazine Wants Me Back It was a post about hoarding. It also reminds me that Nico’s magazine fundraiser is coming up and I am a huge sucker for it. This is a hard one for me to pick because how do you rate popularity? Comments or page views. If it was page views, I think it might have been the ISAT one: ISAT Annoyances People from Facebook shared this post with their friends on their walls so I had close to 500 page views for one day. By the way, you never have to ask me if you ever want to share. :)

Most Controversial: This is another hard one. Several could be construed as controversial. It depends on who is reading this. The one I had the hardest time deciding whether to put on here was Things That Shaped Me: Part 1 The post that I got several emails about asking me if Leo read the blog and how could I write the things I do was: I’m Going To Write a Comic Book. The answer is yes, he reads the blog and I was clearly having a bad week. Most times he just laughs because he knows it is true or will say, “That was a little harsh.” I’ll ask if he wants me to take it down and he says, “No.” He really is that laid back. (Plus it got the raccoon taken care of and the mail pile looked at.)

Most Helpful: I think the infertility ones starting with: Things That Shaped Me: Infertility Part 1 were helpful since a lot of people emailed me or reached out to me telling me they suffered through it too. They were hard to put out there but it is what it is and if it made people feel less alone than it was worth it.

A Post Whose Success Surprised Me: Random Thoughts I got close to 300 hits on this one and I guess it just surprised me that 300 people read my random thoughts.

A Post That Didn’t Get the Attention I Think it Deserved: Mornings and Chaos This was an earlier post and I thought my analogy of Belle’s hair was spot on. Sad that even now, the mornings are still like this post.

Post I am Most Proud of: The Gifts of CF This one was the hardest to write and challenged me to think differently. Happy Birthday, Nico because it made me cry and several people told me it made then cry too. If I can strike an emotion in someone while I am writing, then it is a successful post.

Now I have to tag other bloggers to do their 7 links (mine ended up being a lot more. 12 links, maybe.)

Here you go: Landamongthestars
                    Normally Insane
                    Declare Order
                    Southern Fried Family
                    Raising a Princess
                    Not So Serious Wellness
                    My Front Porch Swing

Feel free to chime in either on Tidbits page on FB or twitter or as a comment on here to let me know if you’d have picked different posts. This was hard…harder than I thought it would be.

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I’m Glowing. Can You See Me?

I’m going to make this the last “medical post” for awhile. I am starting to feel like I’m a lot older than I am with all the talk of health woes. So let’s just say that after this post, things are back to normal and since I woke up after a good night’s sleep, I think that is a real possibility. Yesterday, I took Gia to the doctor and she was diagnosed with bronchitis and I was sent back to the hospital for a cat scan because the doctor thought I had a blood clot that was causing me all the trouble with being short of breath, coughing and low grade fever. It sounded excessive but he asked if I ever felt pain radiating to my back when I coughed and I do and said that it was a red flag that the antibiotic isn’t working so I went. They gave me an IV of radioactive something (which is why I asked the glowing thing) and now I am not supposed to hold Gia for longer than 10-15 minutes for the next 24 hours. I do not have a blood clot (Thank You, God) but I also still don’t have answers for why I still feel so yucky. I know I had surgery and it has only been a week but if it was just that I was dealing with, I’d be fine. My tongue hurts only when I talk a lot or yell or eat. It’s the other stuff that is wearing me down. Fighting off the fever (went a whole day without one so I think I am done with that), coughing up a lung and not being able to walk the aisles of Target or to the bus stop without feeling dizzy. Maybe I got bronchitis when I was at the hospital and gave it to Gia? After two chest x-rays, you’d think someone would tell me that. Maybe feeling sick has nothing to do with my surgery at all and is just some big coincidence. I find it hard to believe but maybe. Maybe the anesthesiologist should have given me the breathing treatment I told him I needed the last two times and I wouldn’t feel so crappy right now.

Today, I have my post op appointment. I plan on hugging my surgeon, asking a few questions and closing the door to this whole nightmare, looking forward for the day when it was just a blip in the chaos.

Thanks to I.C. for the delicious dinner. It came in handy with the doctor’s appts and hospital visit. Thanks to V.P. for the soup again. I don’t know where you are getting them but they are gooood. Thanks to J.W. for watching Gia and Belle so I could run over to CDH and Leo could go to practice since he is going to have to miss the one on curriculum night (not doing that alone). Thank you, thank you, thank you for all the offers of help. You guys have made this week a lot less nightmarish. A HUGE thanks goes out to S.N and R.N. and C.H. and M.H. for taking Tommy to practice and bringing him home. It helps me so much! Thank you, thank you, thank you! (S.L., if you are reading this, I know you’d take him for me in a heartbeat so thank you too!)

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Update on Belle and a Judgemental Cleaning Lady

I think I forgot to do this. Her wrist isn’t broken. This could have gone under the same post as the one a few days ago about doctors. Urgent care said it was broken at the wrist and around the thumb. My sister took her to the orthopedic surgeon (one that has seen Nico and whose wife helped me immensely when Rocco died and whose kids have played baseball on the same team as Nico) and he said it is not broken. It’s a bad sprain and the thumb is badly bruised. If it still hurts her in two weeks, I have to take her back and they’ll cast it. I thought for sure I could bet my house that she was going to say it still hurt in two weeks (especially because she told me, “I think it is still going to hurt in two weeks.”) but yesterday after cheerleading practice, she said it was starting to feel better and today she asked if she could not wear the brace (my answer was that she had to wear it for the two weeks). So happy that her love of cheerleading trumps her love of complaining and hypochondria.

I have a love/hate relationship with my cleaning lady. If you are a regular reader of the blog, this is not big news. I love that she comes but I hate getting ready for her and the way she makes me feel. I realized recently that the best cleaning ladies are the ones that aren’t judgemental. Mine is judgemental and with the way she is cleaning the house lately, has no room to judge. I even asked for this lady because she was nicer than the last one. The last one wasn’t judgemental, just not very nice. I felt like she hated us. Looking back, I think that was just her personality. This one is very sweet to Gia but over the last few weeks, it has not been good. She told me she had a friend who was very poor that was having a baby and could use some of the things Gia has outgrown (carseat, swing, clothes). I was taken aback but I hate thinking of people needing things and not being able to afford them so I gave her some stuff. Most of it was given to me and I am not really at liberty to give it away but I did come up with some stuff. Two weeks later when she came back, I gave her two outfits that still had tags on it that were the wrong season for Gia and she replied, “You have SO much stuff. SO much clothes.” I explained that I didn’t buy all of it and that most was given to me and she said, “Oh.” I got the feeling she didn’t believe me. Since then, things have gotten thrown away that shouldn’t have (parts of Gia’s sippy cups) even though they were put away, I haven’t been able to find cleaning supplies that I knew were more than half full (I know they are here, just no idea where she puts them), the floor has been sticky and the dusting has fallen by the wayside. All of this makes me mad at myself that I wasn’t motivated or better at cleaning my own house. It would save money and grief. The reality is that I LOVE having a cleaning lady and think I need a new one. Anyone have one that they can recommend?

Mini-update from yesterday: Apologies were said all around. I was clearly not in a good frame of mind with not feeling well (I realized this when I got winded shopping at Target, accidentally made the wrong Hamburger Helper, got Tommy ready for a practice he didn’t have and did it all while still trying to break a fever) and told the kids I was sorry. They said they were sorry for not helping me out more and that they’d try. Notes were at the kids places at the table with what they had to do before bed. Notes were there this morning with things that had to be done before school. Pill boxes were bought and used. No one missed the bus and no one left crying. Now I am waiting for the doctor to call to let me know when I can bring Gia in because she is not any better. I would call this a successful day so far.

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Chaos Supersized

I wanted to name this post “Welcome to Moron Central” but thought that was too harsh. Fitting but harsh and I am including myself in it (I want to clarify that I do not call my children morons. I wanted to call this post Moron Central because it is fitting for all of us today). I am going to blame this week long lapse of capabilities on the surgery and know that by next week, I will be back to running this house as smoothly as I can. This morning this house was completely chaos supersized. I woke up feeling great. I took a Tylenol PM last night and Gia miraculously slept all night so I got a full eight hours of sleep. I just knew when I woke up that sleeping that well meant I was going to feel well for the rest of the day. That lasted until 6:20 when Nico’s alarm went off and he wouldn’t get up. The morning fight began. It was the same old, same old only this time he missed the bus. Yes…the second day of school…he missed the bus. That led to a fight between Leo and me on who was going to take him. I said Leo had to because I had to get the other two out the door. I want to interject here and say that I now know why people have kids close in age. You would think trying to get a 13 year old out the door with an 18mo old wouldn’t be that hard but when all she is doing is wanting to be held and played with, it really is.  I think the thought of dealing with Gia (did I mention that she is a little under the weather with teething and now a cough) and trying to get Tommy and Belle out the door was daunting so he wanted to bring Nico. However, he was moving as slow as Nico who was now in a panic at the prospect of being late (really hope that is a lesson learned) so we ended up fighting because I said to forget it and I would go. He ending up going but forgot his phone and on the table next to Nico’s backpack was the enzyme bottle that Nico was supposed to take. This is where I enter “Moron Central”. You might read this and think, “He is 13. He should be responsible for bringing his own enzymes.” Absolutely! However, for some reason, the boys’ new enzymes come in huge bottle that are not at all convenient to carry or even have in their backpacks or lockers so I told Nico that I would put them in a more convenient container. It’s not that big of a deal and should have only taken 30 seconds but the new bottle has to have all the information about the new enzymes with Nico’s name on it (not just written but from the pharmacy) so I had to peel one off of the huge bottle. I tried yesterday but quit after being frustrated with how long it was taking me and having Gia hang on me. I had every intention of going back to it but once I took the Tylenol PM, I was done for. I completely forgot about it this morning until after Leo took him and the bottle was still there. It’s only day 2 and already I am tired of the fight to go to bed, the fight to go to sleep, the fight to wake up and the fight to get out of the house. As of tonight, my kids will have lists by their breakfast places of things that have to get done before school and those pill containers for each of the boys so I know who has taken what because I’m not sure how I kept track before now but I did and now I am struggling. Luckily they are once a day pills so if they forget in the morning, I can make sure they take them when they get home. Again, really hoping it is because I just had surgery.

I want everyone to know that I have perfected making lunches with one hand or at least when one arm is holding Gia. The twins left for the bus but not without the last minute, “Oh, I forgot…I want to bring this” or “So and so told me to bring my______.” The fear of them missing the bus caused a lot of yelling (not good with my tongue still in stitches and pain meds not an option). While hurrying them along, I heard a lot of noise in the kitchen. I went in and saw Leo packing his lunch. He very rarely does that so I was shocked but he loved the dinner that one of my neighbors graciously made for us last night (thanks, E.S.) and wanted to bring what was left of it to work. He looked like a busy squirrel storing food for the winter with how much focus and time he was putting into it. The kids left. He agreed to take Nico’s enzymes to school. He kissed me goodbye. He kissed Gia goodbye. He was almost to the mudroom to leave when I asked him, “Are you leaving?” He answered, “Yes.” I replied, “Aren’t you forgetting something?” He thought for a second and I turned my head over to the lunch he painstakingly made that was about to be forgotten that was sitting on the counter.

Hmm…it all became crystal clear at that moment.

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If This is a Foreshadowing of the Year…

I am in big trouble.

Leo has really stepped up this week. He went grocery shopping for me after practice, he went to work late to help me get the twins to school (I had to go to the school to turn in medical forms and was afraid to drive) and isn’t going to his fantasy football draft that is out of town (this is HUGE). I’m a little afraid that means I look as bad as I feel. In any case, it means a lot that he is helping me out.

I finally felt better yesterday. I had some of my mom’s soup and took the Advil (which the surgeon still doesn’t want me to have) and as long as I didn’t fall asleep, I felt fine. Which was hard because I was so tired. Anyway I was hopeful that things were turning around but the witching hour (Gia’ dinner, bath and bed) hit and I was barely keeping it together. I just wanted to put my head on my pillow but I knew if I did, the fever would come back and it did.

Anyway, I finally fell asleep at midnight and Gia woke up at 1:00am. I caved and gave her a bottle. She went back to sleep and woke up again at 2:00, stayed up until 4:00 and then I finally put her down and let her cry. My alarm went off at 6:00 and I SHUT IT OFF!!!! I woke up in a panic at 7:05 (Nico has to be up by 6:30 to get everything done that he needs to). He was supposed to set his alarm but he set it for pm. He, of course, moved at the pace of a slug. I was dizzy from not getting much sleep but had to follow him around hurrying him to go (If my dad is reading this, sorry…I know that drives you crazy but it was the first day). He poured himself a bowl of cereal, all of his meds were set out and all he had to do was the fast treatment. He had to go to the bathroom (this is typical and one of the reasons he has to get up early) which set him back and before I knew it, he was out the door. I looked and none of his meds were taken and he didn’t take the enzymes to school. Ugghhhh!!!! (I really hope my dad isn’t reading this.) Now instead of going out with friends, he gets to come home and fight with me about responsibility.

Then it was time to get the twins up. Again, moving at the pace of slugs. I was still not feeling well. I got Leo up to help me, straightened Belle’s hair, got Gia up and dressed and okayed Tommy’s outfit. Everyone ate and we were rushing to go to a friend’s house for the kids to be able to walk to school together. There was a scuffle with Belle and me about her shoes. We decided last night that she would wear her new gym shoes but this morning she changed her mind. I didn’t feel like fighting that battle so she put on a pair that she wanted. Once at our friend’s, Tommy joined a football game and never stopped. Grass stains and sweat and all. I was taking Belle’s pictures when I finally noticed her feet. YUCK! I remembered why we decided on gym shoes. Her nails were gross. I was so embarrassed and in no way could send her to school like that. I asked my friend for nail polish remover and to her embarrassment, took it off right there (only to reveal nails that haven’t been cut since she was 5).

We all walked to school and it took a lot out of me. I could tell I was fighting off another fever and just wanted to go home. All the forms were turned in, teachers were met, kids were safe in their classes and we set out back to the car that was a back at our friend’s house which was about 4 blocks (I’m bad with stuff like that. Maybe it was more, maybe it was less) and a storm was rolling in. I walked faster than I should have to beat the rain, but I did it. I beat it.

You know, when you hear the word cancer, all you can think of is “I want it out.” Knowing it might not have been, and looking at this recovery, maybe I should have waited (like when Gia turns 3!). There was not that option though so this is what I ended up with…a chaotic morning that I hope is not a foreshadowing of things to come.

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Doctors: To Trust or Not To Trust

I ended up back in the ER last night and it was a complete waste of time. After surgery, they give you a sheet to follow. I followed it. It said to call the surgeon if your temp goes over 101. I called him. He said it was normal. He said if it keeps going up, go to the ER to have them check to make sure nothing else was going on. Last night around 6:00, my temp went up to 102. I was miserable and scared that something else was going on. My chest felt heavy and my back hurt. My head hurt and my eyes felt like they were on fire. I took meds and the fever went down to 101.7. I called two friends, one to take me (K.T.) and one (K.J.) to relieve my parents who had been over for three days straight and really needed to go home and rest themselves.

While in the ER, they took me for an x-ray before anyone even talked to me. Then I sat in the room for a half hour. A nurse came and told me to pee in a cup. I know…tmi…but it did not look normal. Finally the doctor came in and explained that sometimes when you go under general anesthesia, you can get a little atelectasis which is your lung not working to its full capacity. He said it could be that because the x-ray was clear for pneumonia. He said to fix that, I need to get up and be active. Kinda hard when you feel dizzy and mini fire bombs are going off behind your eyes. He gave me 600mg of Motrin (which my surgeon said not to take) and anit-nausea meds and left me again for about an hour. Leo came and a nurse walked in and said my urine tested positive for infection so they were going to give me new antibiotics. The fire behind the eyes came back and it felt like I was sitting on a block of ice I was so cold so I fell asleep with a cold towel on my head. The doctor went in and said, “Well, it doesn’t look like you are doing so well. Your urine came back fine.” Wait…the nurse said it didn’t. He said he’d go check that and did I want an IV for fluids and pain meds. Let’s see, I was already there for three hours. No one did anything but an x-ray and check my urine only to come back with two different answers. NOW, they wanted to do an IV??? I just wanted to go home. First I wanted him to check the results of the urine test. He said it was negative for infection but they were going to change my antibiotics anyway. I didn’t even ask why. I just wanted to feel better. I left and proceeded to run a fever all night, took Advil and then sweated like I have never sweated before. I have no fever right now. My sister LeeAnna is on her way and my sister Gina is taking Belle for her cast. I can get through this week. I can. I can. I figure this, I have to start feeling better at some point. I think today is going to be that day.

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