We started the process and right away, the memories of how much IVF sucked came back to me. The hormones, all of the appointments, being poked and prodded, sticking my stomach every day (the silver lining was that there was more of my stomach to stick) and the feeling of failure when my body wouldn’t respond. I was 37 when we started and was reminded constantly that I was of “advanced maternal age.” Only in fertility and modeling is 37 old. The thing is, it doesn’t help the ego at all when they keeping talking about your “old eggs.” The worst part of the whole thing was when they did retrieve 4 eggs and all 4 fertilized, we waited on pins and needles to find out whether we’d have any to implant. They don’t tell you over the phone. They either call and say, “I’m sorry. We don’t need you to come in for a transfer” or “Come in now for a transfer.” With PGD, they have to send the embryo’s out so we had no choice but to transfer the embryos that survived the process and didn’t have CF five days after they retrieved them. I was very uncomfortable with that because when I had gotten pregnant with the twins, it was a three day transfer.

We got the call to come in for the transfer and I was so excited, I could barely get it together for us to get there. When we were in the middle of the cycle, I would look at a picture I had of Nico and the twins as encouragement. The minute they called and said come in, images of what this baby would look like filled my head. Would it be a boy and look like Tommy or would it look like Nico? Would Isabella get the sister she dreamed of and would she have her same curly hair? Would I finally get one that looked like me? I couldn’t wait to be pregnant again! I couldn’t wait to feel a baby kick again and I couldn’t wait for that dreamy state of knowing there was a little person growing inside of me. When we arrived, reality came down on me like a brick house. All but one embryo had CF. I tried to be optimistic but I was really hoping to put back at least two. I was so sure it was going to work if we put back two. With one, it felt like all my old eggs were in one faulty basket. I hated CF. I always hated it but especially right then. Why couldn’t it just go away? Why did it have to glob onto everything I loved? I saw it as my own personal killer of dreams. We transferred the embryo and the wait began to see if it worked. It did not.

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I think at first I was shocked that Leo was serious. He is an only child and was never really vocal about how many kids he wanted. After we had Nico and were trying to get pregnant, he would tell me it was okay and that he’d be fine if we just had Nico and that he was an only child and he turned out okay (I am going to refrain from adding anything here but I could). When we got pregnant with the twins I asked him about that and he admitted he told me that to make me feel less pressure. I think Leo was a “go with the flow” kind of guy and whatever happened, he would have been fine with. If we had one, he’d be happy. If we had three, he’d be happy so when he voiced and made the effort to have a fourth, it really meant a lot to me. We discussed it and said we would only do one cycle of IVF. We weren’t going to torture ourselves. We’d try and if it was meant to be, it would happen. If not, we’d be able to say at least we tried.

We went to see the same doctor that helped us get pregnant with the twins and we decided that we would screen the embryos for CF (the technical term is preimplantation genetic diagnosis or PGD) and only put back the ones that didn’t have it or were carriers. I know this is very controversial and we got flack from many but we didn’t see it as a statement against Nico and Tommy. Even though I was doing my best to stop feeling guilty, I wouldn’t have been able to live with myself if we gave another one of our children CF. I lost a lot of sleep over this issue because if we knew that Nico had CF before doing IVF for the twins, Tommy wouldn’t be here and that thought guts me. My life would not be as full as it is without Tommy. He is the absolute light of my life and to think of him not being here…well…let’s just say, he is proof that everything happens for a reason and I thank God every time I look at him that we didn’t find out that Nico had it until he was 3.

The kicker was that it was going to cost us $5000 out of our pocket. Things came to a halt because we just didn’t have that kind of money to spend on something that wasn’t guaranteed. We could maybe come up with $1000 but $5000? We just couldn’t do it. I was upset to have been that close to having another baby and have it end because of money (as so many have to do because insurances still think of building your family as an elective and infertility as not a real medical condition).

What happenend next people can view as luck or a gift from God. I choose to believe it was from God and that he really does work in mysterious ways. We were getting ready to do the dinner fundraiser we did and donations were coming in. We recieved one from someone who had already donated several very expensive items including our highest raffle giveaway with a note in it that said, “Please accept this donation for your family. We would like you to use this money for something other than the fundraiser. Take a family vacation. Do something for you and Leo or something for your family. God Bless.” In the envelope was a check for $4000.

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When you suffer from infertility and have kids but want more, some feelings never go away. The feeling of sadness that something that is so easy for others and so hard for you never goes away. Each time I would hear someone was pregnant, I would be happy for them but sad for me which in turn made me feel selfish. The most basic thing that women for centuries did with ease, my body would not do. In my mind, it was a total failure, even though I had three beautiful kids (which is why I was in therapy). The ache for the big family I had always dreamed of didn’t go away just because I had my three kids. It stopped becoming the focus and would only sting once in awhile but it always hung there. When you have a number in your head of how many kids you want, when you don’t have that many, it feels like someone is missing. It was a running joke when we would go out to eat with the five of us and they would sit us at a table for six. One of us would make a joke of how God was trying to tell us something. Even though battling CF was still a black cloud over us, it didn’t make wanting another baby go away. It felt like a big pie and it wasn’t fair that CF had 2/3 of the pie. If we had another baby with CF having 3/4 of the pie, it would have put me over the edge but if CF had half, then it didn’t win and seemed more manageable. Why I saw it as CF winning, I don’t know (maybe because I saw it then and still see it now as something that steals our joy). My therapist explained it and it made sense at the time but I can’t remember now. I just know that was how I felt. I hated that it was winning.

For five years, every month I would wonder if maybe I was pregnant and every month, I was not. Some months, like when the twins were babies or after the Pepto Bismol episode, I would feel relieved but more often than not, I was disappointed. So roughly, that was 40+ months that I was disappointed, a week where I was angry or depressed because it wasn’t happening. It didn’t help that Isabella would pray every night for a little sister because she hated being the only girl. Once, when Leo was going to China, she asked me if Leo could bring her back a sister. That fifth year, while sitting in the doctor’s office with some issues, he told me my options: Go on the pill (I hated the pill. I gained weight each time I was on it and how was I supposed to get my miracle baby if I was on the pill?), hysterectomy (NO!!) or get pregnant. I told him I was still praying that I would get pregnant on my own and the baby wouldn’t have CF since those were the two things that broke me. All would be right in my world if I could just do that. He stared at me being a logical man and said, “Well, it’s time to face reality. It’s not really happening so if you are serious, you need to look at the next step. See the specialist and get the ball rolling.” I love, love my doctor but I left feeling very deflated. I wanted another baby but could I really go through IVF again? Would Leo even want to? He hadn’t brought up having another baby in a long time.

I went home and the conversation Leo and I had will go down as one of my favorites. He, of course, doesn’t remember this conversation but he also doesn’t remember the one thing I send him to the store for so he really isn’t a reliable source when it comes to remembering things. I, on the other hand, would never forget a conversation so monumental in our relationship. He asked what the doctor said and I told him the three options and said sadly, “I guess I’ll just go on the pill.” He replied, “What if you didn’t do that?” I got mad and said, “I’m NOT having a hysterectomy!” He replied, “What if you didn’t do that?” I looked at him, mad that he wasn’t listening and said, “The only other option is to get pregnant,” to which he replied, “Yeah, what if you did that one?” I stared at him afraid to believe what he was saying was true. We were never on the same page about that and there we were, on the same page but what did that mean? I told him that the ball was in his court and he needed to talk to his HR person and look up the insurance. I didn’t have the energy to look into it only to have him change his mind. The next morning when I opened my email, all the information was there. My heart swelled with hope that he was serious.

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Because I spent all week stuck in my house with sick kids, I had a chance to watch reruns of “Sex and the City” which is one of my favorite shows. When it came to the finale, I was bawling. Carrie was leaving and she was saying good-bye to her friends and she said, “I had a thought today. What if we had never met?” That made me think of all my friends and ask, “What if we had never met?” All of us have friends that bring something to our friendships that fulfill us and makes us better people. We have friends we call right away with good news because we know they will celebrate with us. We have friends that we call right away with bad news because we know they will rally and talk us off the hypothetical ledge. We have friends we call when we want to go out and let loose a little bit and ones that will drop everything if we need them. If we are lucky, we have friends that are all of these wrapped up in one.

I think about friends that I have from each stage in my life. I love that even though life gets in the way of us talking everyday or seeing each other often, when we do talk, it picks up where we left off and that closeness remains. I think that is what makes a “forever friend”. Whether we like it or not, our friends shape us one way or the other. If we talk to a friend and we end up belly-laughing, we are in a good mood for the rest of the day. If we talk to a friend and the conversation is off, it has the potential to put us in a bad mood the rest of the day. I firmly believe that we parents can do our best to raise our kids with the morals and values we hold true and we do have an impact on our kids without a doubt but…our kids’ friends will have a huge impact on them. I’ll give you an example: My parents told me where they stood on drinking under age. In high school, the people I hung out with really dictated whether I drank or not. It wasn’t that I was at parties taking a huge stand against drinking because of what my parents said. I was dating a guy that didn’t drink and because he was always in training and my best friend didn’t drink, I was never in a situation where it came up. I went to parties and remember people being drunk but they were making such asses out of themselves, I wasn’t interested in joining in. I hung out with a crowd that all had aspirations of college. I knew my parents wanted me to go to college and even though I didn’t want to leave my boyfriend, it was the sharing of dreams with my friends and how we influenced each other that got me there. It saddens me because one of my friends that had the most influence is no longer with us. She and I went through some really difficult times and some really fun times. We shared some of life’s biggest moments in our youth and then after we would talk for hours about going off to college and starting a new adventure, we lost touch. It is ironic that she was one of the biggest encouragers of me going away to school and that was the very reason we lost touch. I’ll never pick my kids’ friends but I will always pay attention to who they hang out with.

The guy friends I have had throughout my life have been invaluable to me. Their insights into the male brain, the laughs without the drama and the shoulders that are always bigger than mine for me to lean on have meant the world to me. It sucks that no one tells you that at some point guys are going to get married and their wives might not always be on board with the friendship. Even if the wives don’t care, the friendship goes to the back burner (as it should) and it is different. I still wouldn’t trade it and I disagree with Harry. I think men and women can be friends.

I went off on a little tangent there. My point is that I have great friends. I have friends that I count on and keep me sane. My life is more full with them in it. Since having Gia, sixteen months ago, sometimes among all of the chaos, I turn around and it is just Gia and me and though I love the time I have with her, I miss my friends. My sisters and cousins included. There aren’t many conversations that go uninterrupted and get togethers are far and few between. I need a girls’ weekend or at the very least one night a month where I can connect with them again. Where deep conversations can take place without me having to say hold on while I grab Gia before she falls down the stairs. Where I don’t keep saying, “What?” because Mickey Mouse Clubhouse is playing too loud in the background. If we see each other at Target or at a baseball game or in the neighborhood and I am talking a mile a minute, it’s because I miss you and want to connect for the 5 minutes I am actually out. Which makes me think again, “What if we had never met?” How many experiences missed out on and how many laughs not had and how sad that would be.

P.S. For my friends wondering, each time I watch “Sex and the City” I imagine it is the four of us (doesn’t matter which group of friends it is) and I am always Carrie (the writing thing gets me). You Samanthas, Charlottes, and Mirandas out there, you know who you are. And if there are more than four of us, I make up a character so no one is left out.

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I thought we were on our way to being done with all the sickness but I think God is trying to tell me I need to eat less. I cannot shake this flu. Gia woke up at 1:00 and Nico woke me up every ten minutes from 3:00 on. He had a bad headache and couldn’t sleep. Then at 6:45, he woke up and said he felt fine and needed to go to school because of how behind he is in math. I fully expect a phone call before school is out. Being sick, I have spent an enormous amount of time catching up on all the shows I watch and some of them had their finales so my list will be shorter in future posts.

Celebrity Apprentice: I was happy John Rich won. I was not happy how Def Leppard came off looking. I wanted them to go with the flow and feel for John Rich’s charity but I think in the end, they saw it as another gig and were only going to do what was in their contract. I might be making excuses for them because I am going to see them in July and I don’t want to think of them as being jerks. When they took the stage and sang “Pour Some Sugar on Me,” my neighbors, if they could see in here, got an eye full because that song brings me right back to senior year of high school and I can’t help but throw my hands up and belt it out.

America’s Next Top Model: I had a feeling when Tyra cut their hair for the judging and Brittani walked out with the pixie cut that made her immediately look less harsh and more likeable, she was going to win. I thought Molly took better pictures but both had the worst personalities so either way, the winner was going to be an ugly person on the inside.

American Idol: Again, I really had no opinion on this one. I LOVED that in the finale, they had all the other contestants talking about how young the two finalists were and someone said, “Go to prom!” Was anyone else struck by what Scotty said? He said, “We’ve been together since the beginning and we are going to stay together.” What does that mean? Did I fast forward through something that would explain that?

Sister Wives: This show started out as my curiosity getting the best of me and whatever they set out to do by doing the show, they succeeded with me, because I love these people and want to see them be able to continue to live their lives the way they want. Besides having to uproot their family to Vegas, these kids are well-adjusted (maybe Mariah has some issues) and these wives are happy so who is anyone to say their way is wrong? Why does the law have anything to say about marriage anyway? I believe that for ALL marriage. When they were trying to leave (and how sad the way they had to), and they got all the flat tires, I had to laugh because that is totally something that would happen to us.

Real Housewives-Orange County: I can barely stomach these shows anymore. I cannot STAND Gretchen. The fact that she acted the way she did when Vicki texted Tamra that she was in the hospital shows how unbelievably immature and s***-stirring she is. Why did one event have to take away from the other? Why didn’t Alexis, the Jesus-tooting Christian, stand up, announce that their “friend” was in the hospital and offer a prayer before the fashion show? Done. All drama averted. Instead, she let Gretchen talk her into being upset and seeing it as a setup. I don’t really like Tamra and her snark and over the top sexiness and I used to really like Jeana but no more. I can’t for the life of me figure out why she is involved in Tamra and Simon’s divorce? I’m still not sure if I like Peggy or not. So who does that leave to watch?

Real Housewives of NY: I’m in the middle of this one from this week but I will say, it feels like this season is being heavily edited to show Ramona to have a drinking problem. I think she is crazy and rude (she needed someone to help her unpack?) but I am just not on board with the drinking problem yet. I can’t stand the sound of Jill’s voice. I still think Kelly is not all there. I liked Sonja last season but she is a piece of work. Is it for shock value? The way she looks down her nose at everybody makes me want to fast forward through her scenes. I thought she and Ramona were incredibly rude on that trip. I don’t care how pompous LuAnn sounds or is. I can’t help it, I like her.

The Real Housewives-NJ: Tried watching and Melissa and Joe are such incredibly bad stereotypes of Italians, I had to turn it off again. I will say that I feel the same way about Teresa and Joe as I do Sister Wives. Their debt is their problem and between them and the people they owe. I don’t find her as disgusting as her fame-seeking, throw your family under the bus while bad-mouthing them all in the name of attention sister-in-law. Even if she was pretty, who could see through the ugliness of her envy of Teresa?

The Voice: Still love Blake. His duet/battle this week was strange. I didn’t like the style of the one girl and the one that won didn’t seem too happy about it. I thought the song choices the judges picked were strange, too. Love this show and hate that it is on at 9:00 because we really like to watch it as a family and I really like my kids to be in bed by then (they never are but I would still like them to be).

So excited that So You Think You Can Dance is back on.

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I have said before that I answer emails right away because I am usually at my computer writing. At the very least, if you email me at night, I’ll email you the next morning. Maybe because of this, my expectations are too high. I don’t expect emails right away. People are busy, life is crazy for everyone but never? Or days later? Weeks later? I just don’t understand how you run a business and never answer your emails or don’t answer them for weeks. I used to call my cleaning lady (or the boss’s daughter because she was the contact person) and ask if I could switch my days or if I had questions and the same thing would happen. She’d have to hang up with me and contact my actual cleaning lady or ask her mom. I thought email would be better because I could ask my question, she could get the answer and email me back. This has not been the case. I ask my question and there is no answer until I email again or call and ask if she got my email and she says yes and acts like she has already answered me. I am in that cycle right now.

I am still floored with the people that we have entrusted our children to. Their lack of communication shows how little they really do care (whether that is the case or not). I emailed Nico’s teachers just letting them know that he wasn’t feeling 100% and that he wasn’t slacking but didn’t want to miss school and did they notice anything? I was trying to figure out if he was coming down with what the rest of us have or if he was just tired from his crazy schedule. Half the teachers responded with two answering my question and one saying he has checked out so she can’t tell if it’s because he is sick. I wanted very badly to respond and say that he isn’t the only one that has checked out. Having half your class fail a test and still count it without reteaching and letting them take it again sounds like someone else has checked out. I didn’t say that because I just want to be done. I remember when Nico was playing basketball for the school and he was going to miss a practice because of the fundraiser we did so I emailed the coach telling him. I wanted Nico to just tell him but he was afraid his coach was going to be mad. There was never a response. Not a “No problem” or “Good luck” or even “I’m not happy about him missing and he’ll have to sit for the first half of the next game.” Nothing. I guess he felt that he didn’t have to since he told Nico it was fine. I remember my dad coaching (for all my life) and he loved those kids like they were his own. He didn’t just care about them on the field or court, he cared about them off as well so maybe he set the bar too high. As far as me letting the teachers know he was sick, I probably didn’t have to and maybe they were bothered by the email but how about, “Hope he feels better.” I keep hearing, “Wait until high school. It is so much worse. There is no communication at all.” I get that and I think that by then, he’ll be ready to handle the communication on his own and I actually look forward to passing the baton to him but he isn’t in high school yet. He is only 13 and they shouldn’t stress “communication is key” if they don’t plan on holding up their end. Believe me, I know that not everyone has to care about my son, but I would hope that the people he learns from, whether in school or in sports do.

Edited to add: I might have been a little harsh with the one teacher that said he has lost focus or checked out. She did hope that he felt better and to keep her posted.

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Going on day 3 of being sick and I think I’m finally ready to admit I have the flu. I was feeling better yesterday until I ate and then got sick again. Tommy was watching TV with me last night and I fell asleep watching The Voice. Suddenly, he was shaking me awake demanding to know if the world was ending. Yep, while I was asleep, he was watching the news. It’s funny that I worry so much and police what he watches on tv and in movies to avoid certain images in his head and here, he watched the news and it scared him so much that he was afraid to go to bed and afraid to go to school this morning. It didn’t help that he woke up to a clap of thunder. After I talked him off the ledge and sent him to school, I put Gia down for a nap, threw a load of laundry in, sat down to do a post about the shows I watch and the phone rings. It was Nico who was in the nurse’s office and needed to come home. He had a fever and ached all over. Thanks to one of my friends (K.T.), I didn’t have to go get him. She went for me. Here we go again and the question is, how do I keep Leo and Belle from getting it?

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I love my sleep. I love that every time I go to bed, I dream so it is like going to a movie every night. I can’t remember a time when I was sick like this. I have said it before, moms can’t get sick. There is no one that you can call to substitute for you. Just because you don’t feel good (or caught something from your kids), stuff still has to get done or be taken care of. There isn’t enough Mucinex or Advil to make me feel better. Belle, my sweet, mother’s helper, did to me what she does a lot. When I don’t need her help, she is right there, cleaning, playing with Gia (who sometimes doesn’t want to be bothered) offering to help even though I have told her she is free to do what she wants. When I desperately need her to play with Gia, she rolls her eyes and stomps her feet and says, “Why do I ALWAYS have to be the one that plays with her?”or “I don’t know what I am supposed to do with her.” This was the case yesterday. I tried sleeping when Gia did (luckily, I think she sensed I was sick and took two naps) but whenever I closed my eyes, the room would spin. I did sleep on and off. I think I must be on speed dial on the nurse’s phone at my kids’ school. They called me again to tell me Tommy had a headache and stomachache. I know I had to have sounded mad because I know he is just doing what he is supposed to: if you don’t feel well, you go to the nurse but C’MON! I get a call once or twice a week. She asked if she could give him some Coke and see how he does. I said that was fine but in my head I was thinking, If you give him Coke, he’ll have a stomachache and headache all the time just so he can come and have you give him Coke. Then I told her I was sick hoping she’d get the hint of, Don’t call me unless it is a real emergency. Then around 2:15, I get a call from a friend that our school is in partial lockdown because of an armed robbery down the street from the school. I was on edge until all three kids were home safe and sound but a thought occured to me. If someone could walk in with a gun or a knife at CVS, the same could happen at the Walgreens that I am always at. It happened right down the street. I have always felt safe here. Even when there was an armed robbery at a bank in the area, I still felt safe because I don’t go to banks anymore. But at a small convenience store? That hits a little too close to home and suddenly I don’t feel as safe. Now that Nico is 13, he has a little more freedom and frequents that CVS. What if he had been in there? It makes me want to tighten the reins again because I am scared of what could happen. The robbery weighed heavy on my mind and I was exhausted by 8:00 and went to bed but only fell asleep for a half hour before I woke up and couldn’t fall back to sleep. I have this weird insomnia thing happening (remember the workout DVD’s I bought on an impulse because I was up watching infomercials which, by the way, ebay refunded my money so I love them again). I woke up with the stabbing stomachache at 1:00 (didn’t get sick this time, though) and then Gia started crying. I thought she’d fall back to sleep and I did let her cry for ten minutes and then when she didn’t stop and I went to get her, her stomach was growling. I felt terrible. She is the worst eater out of my three kids. It doesn’t matter what I give her to eat, she takes two or three bites and is done and the only way she’ll drink milk is with a bottle so weaning her is not going well. I fed her and put her back to bed but then I was up until 5 and then my alarm went off at 5:45. And so the day begins whether I like it or not, complete with an orthodontist appointment for Nico where I am sure both of us are going to get a big lecture on why he should be wearing his head gear because he is not. How do I explain to this orthodontist that I have much bigger battles I fight with Nico and that the head gear just isn’t one of them? Breathing easy trumps straight teeth.

The world can do a collective sigh of relief because I have lost my voice. This cough I have is an annoying one (what cough isn’t?) in that it hurts really bad to cough and the cough is stuck in my throat. I have tried drinking hot tea or soup but nothing is helping. It is stuck there and it hurts to talk so much to Leo and the kids’ relief, there will be no lecturing or yelling, only silence coming from me. So, if ever there was something you wanted to say to me without me being able to answer back, now is the time to do it.

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While praying that Gia gets better (her nose is finally not a faucet) and for Nico and Isabella to not get what Tommy had or Gia has, I apparently left myself out. Big mistake…I was up all night coughing and throwing up. It is safe to say that strawberries and chocolate will now be a thing of the past and far future. There is a tiny man stabbing the inside of my head and stomach and I need him to go away. Normally, I’d be really happy that it is nice and sunny but the bright sun woke Gia up at the crack of dawn.

I have a bunch of posts that I have been working on but I don’t think I am going to get to them until tomorrow. I plan on sleeping any chance I get until Leo comes home to take over. Wouldn’t it figure that he took half a day last Friday so he could watch Gia and I could go to Tommy’s class? Had I known this was going to happen, I wouldn’t have gone to Tommy’s class (since he took that opportunity to show me that he is the class clown and I could have done without that knowledge).

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Gia is still miserably sick. She was clingy and crabby all day yesterday. For the first time in a very long time, I was looking forward to a baseball game. I had to miss Tommy’s double-header but Leo was going to come home after so I could go to Nico’s game. I could not wait to sit in my old blue chair and actually watch the game while talking to friends I haven’t been able to see in awhile. The game started at 5 (Tommy and Nico played at the same field) and I got a text from Leo that read, Nico is pitching now. I am just going to see him bat and then I’ll come. What?? The whole point is for ME to see him play. I was tired of getting updates on what he was doing at his games. I wanted to see for myself. I texted him to hurry and waited on edge knowing that freedom was coming soon. Knowing it was coming gave me all the patience in the world when Gia would cry that she wanted to be held and even then, still cried. Leo finally came home and I spouted off what Gia needed and where Belle was and left. Ahhhh….for even the short ride over, it was nice listening to the radio instead of the Gia CD that says her name 150 times. I got there in the 5th inning which was disappointing to have missed that much but one of the best feelings in the world is when your 13 year old son looks around and his eyes fall on you and his whole face lights up. I smiled and gave him the thumbs up and he gave me a smile and a head nod. It made me wonder if, when he has other games and says for me not to worry about missing it, he is bummed that I am not there. For the two innings I was there I saw him make a great catch at right field and hit twice, one of which was a line drive to left field. The icing on the cake is that they won. Another great feeling is when your 13 year old comes up to you after the game and hugs and kisses you in front of his friends. I know that will probably change so I am enjoying every moment that he still does that.

After the game came the real freedom. Finally I was able to go to dinner and eat food that wasn’t chocolate and strawberries or nachos. There was so much talk about the world ending yesterday and in light of that, I ate like it was. Leo gets to spend so much time with our friends after games and it was nice that on top of eating great food, I was finally able to catch up with friends. I even had a margarita and it was freaking delicious! Today the freedom will continue in that I am going to church (hopefully the walls won’t fall in when I step foot in there) and the store before Nico’s game that Leo gets to go to (it absolutely killed him to miss Nico’s game yesterday). No one is up yet so I don’t know what the status is on who feels okay and who feels sick. I bet you can all guess what I am going to pray for while I am church.

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