When I was little, more than anything I wanted to be a mom. My mom made it look fun. She made it look easy. With five daughters and a husband that worked and coached, I have no idea how she did it but not only did she do it but she did it well. I don’t think I ever heard my mom say she needed a break or wanted to be left alone.
I want a break.
And I want to be left alone.
Not forever. Just for a little bit. A weekend maybe.
As I write this, I have one child (way too old) asking me what she should wear (and then when I give my opinion, she rolls her eyes and and complains that I don’t know what’s in style) and one child crying (way too old) because she doesn’t want to go with me to drive the first child to a friend’s house.
After eighteen years, it’s hard for me to come up with what I want without hurting people’s feelings. I have, however learned what I don’t want for Mother’s Day:
I don’t want crying (she doesn’t know what to do in the car)
I don’t want to drive anyone anywhere.
I don’t want to nag all my children to brush their teeth and take their meds. (The child crying has changed the complaint from having to go with me to not wanting to brush her teeth.)
I don’t want crying (I know I already said this but she is now crying that she doesn’t like when people judge her…she’s 6 so I have no idea).
I don’t want fighting (it’s amazing that two people that once shared a womb could find such stupid reasons to yell and scream at each other).
I don’t want to hear, “But I’m 18 now.” I’m sorry but you can’t “cry” 18 when you won’t make yourself a sandwich when you are hungry or don’t wash your own clothes.
And on that note, I don’t want to feed anyone. Shall we count how many times I cooked when no one bothered to tell me they weren’t going to be home?
I don’t want to hear, “I need” or “I want” from anyone including Leo .
I don’t want to hear ANY sarcasm. It might be funny when Chandler Bing is sarcastic but not so funny when it comes from people that are not making $100,000 an episode and are 18, 14 and 6.
I don’t want to share my phone. I’m really tired of not being able to take pictures because my storage is full. What makes it full? A “My Tom” game, 4 fruit smoothie games and my favorite, “Virtual Families” where Gia cried for an hour because her “person is depressed” and why can’t I find a way to make him not depressed? First, I have a hard time helping people in the real world not be depressed. I have NO idea what to do with a virtually depressed person. Second, I really don’t want to learn and third, I want to be able to play “100 pics” whenever I want.
I don’t want to hear the sound of “selfies” being taken. I ask you, how many pictures of the same face with your hair falling to one side can you send? The worst is being mid-conversation and a, “Wait,” a pose and a click and then right back to the conversation.
I don’t want to ever stop hearing, “I love you” from all 5 of them (including Leo).
I don’t want my husband to travel as much as he does. I miss him when he’s gone.
I don’t want to think about how fast my kids are growing up (lightning fast) and that soon, there will only be 3 at home. It makes me sad that I can’t remember the “lasts” (last time I held the twins, last time I rocked Gia to sleep, last time I held Nico’s hand before crossing a street…).
I don’t want to think about doctors’ appointments, ortho appointments and wisdom teeth surgery…all things that cause pain to my kids.
I don’t want my kids to ever stop telling me things, even if it means I’m uncomfortable or don’t really want to know (I don’t really need to know every single conversation had in the course of a middle school day).
I don’t want the hugs and kisses…bear hugs and sloppy kisses…to ever stop.
I don’t want to ever stop hearing from people that they met my kids and that they were respectful or “delightful” to talk to. I do, however, want to see that side of them more than I do.
I don’t want my husband to ever think I don’t appreciate all he does for our family (and I know once coaching is over, things will get fixed) or that I love him any less than I did the day I married him.
I don’t want my kids to ever doubt how much I love them and am proud of them. They are my whole world and when they are happy, I am happy and that is all I want…for them to be happy (and healthy, always healthy).